Help, Dating a Small Man and Need Advice

[afterglow]

Hello, I started dating a close friend several months ago. We've known each other for many years and get along very well. He treats me better than any man I've known.

 

However, I need some sex advice. He is Asian and has a small penis, maybe four inches max and not very wide. I know a lot of women say size really doesn't matter, but a doctor once told me I have a deep cervix. And the the truth is, I can barely feel anything when we have sex. If I'm on top, he can sometimes hit my G spot, but it's not easy. And he often slips out of me.

 

I really miss that feeling of being filled up. I like a little bit of pain, and I'm LOVE having sex. I just don't know what to do. He had trouble with erectile dysfunction at the start (because he said he was worried he couldn't please me), and he got some medication. So at least we can have sex now.

 

But are there techniques to make things better? Has anyone tried penis extension sex toys? I haven't told him he's too small for me because I don't want to hurt him and don't know how to bring it up without hurting him.

 

He's open to trying new things, like sex toys, and he's great at foreplay. I orgasm with his fingers and oral sex. But I can't get lost in the intercourse. It's a disappointment, and I just don't know what to do.

 

Any ideas? Please help. I care about him and don't want to sacrifice a great relationship over size, but I miss having good sex.

[SmallJames60]

Dear Afterglo:

 

I hope that I share some male prospective with you that may serve as some advice to apply in your present dilemma.

 

During my 20s while serving in the US Navy I had fulfilling sex with with women of a variety of asian cultures -- Japanese, Fillipino, Thai, and Vietnamese. In almost all of these encounters I had to be receptive to what my partners would tell me about any difference in genital size and their preferences for engaging in "good sex".

 

For example, some of them had small vaginas (avoid deep penetration) while others had larger vaginas (could accommodate deep pentration). Some possessed tigher unstretched pubic muscles and others had loose vaginal muscles from childbirth.

 

Fortunately for me being an inexperienced lover I quickly learned that experimenting with various positions for coitus

could produce plasureable sex and in one case multi-orgasms. I do advocate showing your asian lover where your G-spot is located because it is a fact that it varies in women. Do not assume that he knows exactly where it is or how to pleasue your vagina. I am sure that he will be pleased if you tell him what makes you go "sky high".

 

In your last sentence you make it appear that size or lack of it might not provide good sex. You must be willing to candidly but cautiously bring up variations in sex (toys for example) to heighten your sexual response so that you do not bruise his ego (some men are far less sensitive about size than others). If he is the caring and sharing type then you should work to expand your sexual vistas. Keep us posted as to your "shared" experience in this area.

 

Tour

[fredneck1951]

Afterglow, you sound like a nice woman and I wish the best for you and your man. I hope you find you came to the right place for advice!

 

If you're getting off on manual and oral stimulation, that's a good start, you're responsive to him and he clearly is attentive to your needs. As was mentioned, you need to make sure he knows exactly what gets you, where everything is located, etc.

 

As far as penile extenders, these have long been a part of sex play in many cultures where men tend to modest dimensions, and there are some good alternatives. There are several threads throughout the site that discuss some of these, and if you go to the Toy Store you will find links, etc.

 

I have every confidence you and your guy will have better and better sex and meet all your hopes and dreams.

[afterglow]

Thanks for all the advice. My vaginal muscles are quite strong. I'm a yogi, and can have many orgasms in an hour on my own. I do kegel exercises and even have a sex toy to do them with. I'm afraid it's still an issue.

 

Here's the thing, though. I actually dated a woman for a couple years, and it wasn't a big deal. We used dildos, but then when I went back to men, I realized there was just this feeling I missed of having a real penis deep inside me.

 

Still, I figure, given my experience with women, I wouldn't be hung up on penis size. But there's something missing. He knows where my G spot is because he hits it with his fingers. I figure if his fingers are long enough, his penis should be. Maybe it's the way he's moving? He doesn't have as much sexual experience I do.

 

But I've never tried penis extenders and might give that a go. I just wonder if he will enjoy it. Doesn't it reduce sensation? Also, I'm really worried about what to say so I don't hurt his feelings.

 

I've brought up sex toys, and he's open to it. So I figure, I should just say, "Let's try this. It might give me a little extra somethin, somethin..." I'll also get some toys for his pleasure too.

[Ethan]

I assume you are not Asian yourself, is that correct?

[afterglow]

No, I'm not Asian.

[fredneck1951]

>>But I've never tried penis extenders and might give that a go. I just wonder if he will enjoy it. Doesn't it reduce sensation? Also, I'm really worried about what to say so I don't hurt his feelings.>>

 

Yes it will reduce his sensation but I can tell you that the "sensation" of ringing his partner's chimes and rocking her world can be very stimulating. He will get his by and by, anyway, right?

 

If he's secure (and you can help ensure that), then you can offer him a real "porn-star" experience like he's never had. It's an adventure, remember, a walk on the wild side, an excursion into the Nasty Zone.

[afterglow]

Thanks, Fredneck. That is so true!

[Guest]

>>But I've never tried penis extenders and might give that a go. I just wonder if he will enjoy it. Doesn't it reduce sensation? Also, I'm really worried about what to say so I don't hurt his feelings.>>

 

Yes it will reduce his sensation but I can tell you that the "sensation" of ringing his partner's chimes and rocking her world can be very stimulating. He will get his by and by, anyway, right?

 

If he's secure (and you can help ensure that), then you can offer him a real "porn-star" experience like he's never had. It's an adventure, remember, a walk on the wild side, an excursion into the Nasty Zone.

 

Hmmm! I'm dubious. Seeing how much better your partner reacts to a larger penis is quite a blow. Unless he's into humiliation, I wouldn't go there if I were you. Yeah, I have experimented!

[Guest]

Frankly, I think you should just be friends with this guy. Unlikely that he could adjust to knowing you find him so inadequate. But, good luck finding a guy with a big cock who's also a nice guy. It happens, but only rarely!

[Guest]

Still, I figure, given my experience with women, I wouldn't be hung up on penis size. But there's something missing. He knows where my G spot is because he hits it with his fingers. I figure if his fingers are long enough, his penis should be. Maybe it's the way he's moving? He doesn't have as much sexual experience I do.

 

I call "small penis" technique to touch the G-spot "riding high". Small penis acts kinda like a hook as the male forces his body longitudinally forward, "hooking" the pubic bone via the vagina. This puts max. pressure on the G-spot area, clamping it between upper surface of vagina and pubic bonde. . . of course, thrusting takes place as well during this, but is severly limited in the case of a small penis. Unfortunately, women cannot thrust their hips much or must do so very carefully when a small penis is involved. Some women really don't like that.

[IKnowThatFaceSomehow]

Frankly, I think you should just be friends with this guy. Unlikely that he could adjust to knowing you find him so inadequate. But, good luck finding a guy with a big cock who's also a nice guy. It happens, but only rarely!

 

Actually, I'd just like to say, I have many well-endowed friends and they're all the nicest guys you could ever hope to meet. (Edit: Well, MOST of them. But the assholes are the exception, not the rule.)And the really big guys here seem pretty nice as well.

 

Not to sound like mother hen, but accepting yourself doesn't mean disparaging others. Every body (as in physiological body) is different, and they'll always be compatible with different types. Not better or worse... just different.

[daedalu1]

Lloyd,

 

I hope she doesn't listen to you. I think you advice here is out of place personally.

[DallasDavey]

On the Extenders, I have tried some girth sleeves and actually experiencing filling up a girl and her enjoying the size IS worth the loss of sensation...

[afterglow]

He's very open and secure. He's happy with himself, and I haven't let on that anything is wrong. He knows I'm experimental and like to try new things. And let's face it, if it's a choice between fixing the problem or breaking up with him over this in order to spare his ego from seeing my pleasure with extenders, I think he'd rather go for the sex toys.

[Guest]

>>But I've never tried penis extenders and might give that a go. I just wonder if he will enjoy it. Doesn't it reduce sensation? Also, I'm really worried about what to say so I don't hurt his feelings.>>

 

Yes it will reduce his sensation but I can tell you that the "sensation" of ringing his partner's chimes and rocking her world can be very stimulating. He will get his by and by, anyway, right?

 

If he's secure (and you can help ensure that), then you can offer him a real "porn-star" experience like he's never had. It's an adventure, remember, a walk on the wild side, an excursion into the Nasty Zone.

 

Hmmm! I'm dubious. Seeing how much better your partner reacts to a larger penis is quite a blow. Unless he's into humiliation, I wouldn't go there if I were you. Yeah, I have experimented!

 

Not sure how that would automatically translate into humiliation. I don't think there is anything wrong with using sex toys, so guys shouldn't fear them. Its all about pleasure and enhancing pleasure sometimes, which can be a very good thing.

[53Jim53]

I was in a great relationship with a woman where I knew that she really wanted a larger size, and I think she knew that I knew, but we never talked about it due to her not wanting to hurt my feelings. Looking back, I wish she would have come right out with it and cleared the air, or that I would have (I tried obliquely a few times). If she would have said it in the context of how great other things, sexual included, were, and possibly even with some well-meaning laughing together, I think it would have been much better.

 

It doesn't do much for the male ego to know this and know that she's essentially humoring you about it, too, even out of compassion. I don't think it's something you can hide, either, as a guy will sense it.

 

If it's a deal breaker for you, better to get that out in the open, too, I guess, so you both can find someone compatible.

 

Just my two cents from one who's been on the other side of it. You seem nice and I wish you guys luck on this.

[Droopie]

I was in a great relationship with a woman where I knew that she really wanted a larger size, and I think she knew that I knew, but we never talked about it due to her not wanting to hurt my feelings. Looking back, I wish she would have come right out with it and cleared the air, or that I would have (I tried obliquely a few times). If she would have said it in the context of how great other things, sexual included, were, and possibly even with some well-meaning laughing together, I think it would have been much better.

 

It doesn't do much for the male ego to know this and know that she's essentially humoring you about it, too, even out of compassion. I don't think it's something you can hide, either, as a guy will sense it.

 

If it's a deal breaker for you, better to get that out in the open, too, I guess, so you both can find someone compatible.

 

Just my two cents from one who's been on the other side of it. You seem nice and I wish you guys luck on this.

 

Amen brother. As long as I'm not the butt of a cruel woman's joke about the little one I'm all for discussing it. When I get to that point I would want to know what makes her feel good so we can enjoy the whole experience.

 

There is no shame in wanting pleasure, we all do. Let him know how to give it to you. I commend you for being honest & getting some pov's before confronting one of our brothers. If he does open up to you saying that he understands he may be on the small side talk to him about this site & the wonderful people here that could shed some insight on his plight. Good Luck. This guy is lucky to have someone like you.

[afterglow]

OK, but how should I bring it up? What can I say that wouldn't be hurtful? What would you want to hear and how would you want to hear it? With humor? Matter-of-factly, or serious, like it's a big issue? Or, since he's open to sex toys, should I just get some extenders, along with a strap-on toy for his pleasure and just add it into the mix matter-of-factly without making size into a problem? I feel like I should just treat it as one more thing to explore, one more pleasure-enhancing device, rather than have this big talk about inadequacy.

[DallasDavey]

just start out with some sex toys without the extenders...

 

Start with a few dildos/vibrators of different sizes,

Then get used to bringing them into the mix...

 

Then go again to the store and get more toys, then one time get an extender and say, I wonder if this would work, and he might think you just want to try new things and not want the extender for only the size increase,

 

My Girth sleeve was after playing with many toys, and we use it when we want to have some specific fun, not just quickies and such

[SmallJames60]

Afterglow appear to be on the "right track" here with some good overall advice and your own admonition that you vagina is very healthy.

 

I would just advise that toys can offer some delightful variation to your lovemaking provided they serve as appetizers and not the "main course". Your primary focus should always be on your partner and your mutual receptivity to "experimentation".

 

The internet has several excellent websites that contain information about lovemaking positions...standing, sitting, kneeling, and more. Look over some of the positions that emphasis G spot orientation and deep penetration of the vagina. Combine these two forms with your kegels and any "red blooded" male, irregardless of size, should be able to really "ring your bell". A little Kama Sutra for foreplay and afterplay should also add much needed "spice".

[Guest]

OK, but how should I bring it up? What can I say that wouldn't be hurtful? What would you want to hear and how would you want to hear it? With humor? Matter-of-factly, or serious, like it's a big issue? Or, since he's open to sex toys, should I just get some extenders, along with a strap-on toy for his pleasure and just add it into the mix matter-of-factly without making size into a problem? I feel like I should just treat it as one more thing to explore, one more pleasure-enhancing device, rather than have this big talk about inadequacy.

Not really sure there is gonna be an easy way to bring it up to be frank. I'm not sure if he's already aware, somewhat aware, or is gonna be totally surprised. The fact that he is able to help you orgasm by other means, might lead to think he's gonna be at least somewhat surprised. I dunno, may you could try putting yourself in his shoes. If he had some big sexual issue with you or the way you do things sexually, how would you want him to confront you? I know I wouldn't want it done with anger and resentment. Loving and caring might work with me, as long as its not patronizing. I think your gonna have ask yourself, what are you really asking of him? Don't wanna sound naive and presumptious, but I think its quite possible for men to actually enjoy the feel of sexual penetration, even though they aren't getting a tight grip or any grip at all. Maybe he won't have any problem with wearing an extension, and it might even turn him on. He might not want to wear it everytime you guys have vaginal or anal sex, whatever your preference.

[Guest]

I would just advise that toys can offer some delightful variation to your lovemaking provided they serve as appetizers and not the "main course". Your primary focus should always be on your partner and your mutual receptivity to "experimentation".

 

Which was what I really was getting at, even though I lacked your eloquence and focus. I agree 100% with your opinion here!

[DesertBill51]

OK, but how should I bring it up? What can I say that wouldn't be hurtful? What would you want to hear and how would you want to hear it? With humor? Matter-of-factly, or serious, like it's a big issue? Or, since he's open to sex toys, should I just get some extenders, along with a strap-on toy for his pleasure and just add it into the mix matter-of-factly without making size into a problem? I feel like I should just treat it as one more thing to explore, one more pleasure-enhancing device, rather than have this big talk about inadequacy.

I'd suggest you start with the latter approach, just adding the sex toys into the mix. However, I happen to be big on telling the truth, so a conversation about it might also be a good idea. Chances are, as someone posted above, he already has an idea. I could usually tell by a woman's movements that she wanted more sensation. And I'm against what I've sometimes called "coddling." If he isn't fooled, then open and honest discussion is better than having him feel you don't want to be honest. Ongoing doubts about your true feelings can erode a man's confidence quickly.

 

But if you need to talk about it, be serious and caring. I'm an Asian guy whose cock is even smaller than his. I've posted elsewhere about my white ex-wife, but here I'll just say briefly that my lack of size was a problem.

[afterglow]

Again, Hamsterdance, that isn't the main issue. Length of his penis and depth of my cervix--that is the main crux here. I haven't had kids, and most women's vaginas have to stretch to accomodate things as small as fingers, tampons, etc. I know this whole big, loose vagina thing might make some small men feel better, but it's not really how female anatomy works--at least not in women who haven't had kids. Kegel exercises are great for increasing the squeeze around a guy and increasing orgasm intensity, but that just isn't the problem I'm having. And I don't need to measure it with a gauge!

 

Thanks everyone for these suggestions. DesertBill, I don't know how to find your old posts. Can you tell me more? Was she honest from the start? When did it become an issue, and did you work on it together?