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I've spent a few hours now reading through many of the forums and different posts- and with so many intelligent posters and with extremely valuable information I had to post the exact problem that brought me here in the first place.

 

Formalities aside, I'm seemingly straight up average. I'm quite precisely 6 inches long (give or take .25-.5 depending on when I measure) and although not certain on girth I'm in the average range.

 

I started seeing my girlfriend about a year ago. We met in a bar and I was seeing a different girl at the time (the first time she saw my dick and I was 16 she said "that's it?"). This new girl I had met was everything I had ever wanted. I broke up with my "that's it?" girlfriend (although her and I stayed together for 3 years on and off and my size was always my biggest worry) and started this new relationship. I had only been with other girls when off and on with the "that's it?" girl and had still always worried about my size never getting any feedback from my mostly random encounters.

 

The beginning of my relationship with this new girl was perfect: our schedules fit, our loves and interests were the same, and we were completely compatible sexually. She hadn't known I was constantly measuring myself up while we slept together, always wondering her past and the guys she had been with. Slowly over the beginning of our relationship I found out more and more about her past experiences. As this came out, I slowly and slowly had to find out more about her last boyfriends sizes, and where I fit in. Several conversations and one night where everything came out while we were drinking I found out this:

 

She had slept with 11 other guys (6 more guys than I with girls), one of which claimed he was 8 inches (I went to school with him, he was always full of shit, and she had never varified or had cared to measure), and two other guys she said were in the same ball park (one guy being 6 ft 6, which after this website and research isn't entirely a direct result of having a large dick).

 

This instantly brought me into two separate paths of emotional and self-confidence related chaos. Following breaking the news, I had a Chasing Amy-esque syndrome or Clerks-You sucked HOW MANY dicks?-type reaction where I had to know everything, and I instantly resented her.

 

She was perfect for me in every way. Sweet, caring, sensitive and not the type to have slept with many guys. Was I wrong?

 

After countless arguments and a 2-month breakup we are back together but there still lies many issues.

 

I have NO reason to have ever believed that I was never adequate for her. She tells me I fit her perfectly and she has never (asides from my own self dillusions) ever given me reason to doubt that I am more than enough for her and that penis size is not an issue. She has spent well over a year fighting for me and for us over this issue letting me know time and time again that even if her past lovers were bigger they were by no means better, and by no means what she wants.

 

I can see she loves me very much and that my insecurities are really affecting her. Half the time I'm head over heels in love, other times all I can think is:

 

"Okay is my dick big enough? Those other guys were porn-star 8 inches. What about the other 7-8 guys that she said were smaller or in the exact same ballpark as me? Why did she sleep with them (three of them were one night stands she says were awful mistakes and that she was going through a lot at the time-she was 17 for one, 9 for two others, and her parents were divorcing- and the others were in relationships that just didnt last)? She orgasms everytime we have sex and shes on-top, but is that because of me and the size of my dick or is that irrelevant and she's just slept with enough guys to know how to get off? Do I feel as good as those other guys? Did they do things to degrade her and only that's what makes me special is that I care and they didnt? How should I feel about guys who fucked my girlfriend and didnt care about her (i've had sex with girls I didnt care about)?"

 

This is just the beginning of the questions and I'm certain I'm not alone on this. The thing is though she's had an answer for everything I've thrown at her. I've probably made her feel like the lowest on the Earth and yet she loves me uncondionally and will fight for not only me but by standing by my penis is not only big enough and more than enough for her, but that it's everything she's always wanted.

 

How do I know that bigger wasn't simply just better for her? Wouldn't she just lie for me knowing it would hurt my feelings? Maybe she didn't enjoy it but she prefers me? She hasn't given me the best head I've ever had, but I'd prefer her over getting it elsewhere anytime. So then which head is better? Are we having sex the same way 11 other guys have with her? Am I better on top, bottom, or from behind? Does she think about this?"

 

 

I'm so sorry this has turned into a completely disorganized mess of insecurities stemming from what I believe is penis envy, followed by the bombardment of sheer figures. I never wanted a girl who was "slutty" or "promiscuous" but sparing the details she's a beautiful wholesome girl who just couldn't find the right guy and had sexual experiences along the way- a lot more than me.

 

I guess my question is, how can I stop? How can I become completely comfortable in everything she has to say (which I have no reason to doubt- she's completely devouted to me)? How can I become completely comfortable with the size of my penis knowing she's had much bigger (after showing her 8 inches on the measuring tape and with a dildo she laughed and said no that they were more likely around 7)? How can I become completely comfortable knowing she slept with other guys who may or may not have treated my girl like a sex object?

 

I love her with all of my heart- and I resent her entire past. I can be fully hard and feel like a million bucks about myself and my abilities- then half way through or after lose all respect for what I thought was a proud erection and skillful abilities.

 

We're supposed to move in together this upcoming september.

 

Any help or guidance would be incredible.

 

(I'm sorry if I sound like an asshole who puts my girlfriend down over her past. I just may be that person sometimes but I have to stop and I'm trying to stop. Wether I'm 6 inches or 4 I still think the problem will be the same. I'm so insecure over her past lovers versus my skills and size it's affecting us)

 

 

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I've read some more and had some time to reflect on my post-

 

In summation (for those that skim):

 

How am I certain she's not trading the better sex for the better guy?

 

How do I fight this cycle of insecurity- avoid the jealousy of her past and learn to excercise the positive I can offer?

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I tell you what - when you come up with an answer, let me know. Sure your post was a bit of rambling, but that's how these insecurities work - they're not very logical, but they're incredibly powerful. I can definitely relate to the feeling proud about sex one moment, then feel completely overwhelmed with self-doubt.

 

I've only had intercourse with 2 women and my gf has been with 10, so that's a greater disparity than what you're dealing with. It's not easy. I wish that I'd been with more people so maybe I wouldn't hold it against her for having been with 10.

 

It does sound like you've got a good girl though and the fact that she is reassuring to you is a big plus. I think many women don't think it's a valid issue or don't care so they don't make an effort to assuage the feelings of insecurity. If you truly love this woman - from deep within - then ask yourself and her, "Is she just settling for my penis or is she truly satisfied with it?" If she can honestly answer that she is truly satisfied with it, then believe her, embrace the statement and enjoy the relationship to the fullest. Don't indulge the thoughts of insecurity, actively fight them. She sounds like a great woman and it would be a shame to lose her over made up insecurity.

 

Keep us updated on your progress!

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First your dick is on the big side of average. 5.5 or less is actually average.

 

JUST STOP THE NONSENSE! It would be OK if she was trading better big dick sex for a better guy with sex not quite as good! YES, there are guys better at sex than you and penis size is not the whole thing either!!!! You aren't the best at a lot of other things either!

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks for your words of wisdom reality check. Your name says it all and I think it's exactly what I needed.

 

I still find myself having highs and lows and it seems to me that when something goes wrong in our relationship I will fall back onto it being about my size.

 

I have been actively fighting it though and when I'm feeling good I'm feeling good. When she's there and looks me in my eyes and I can see it and hear and feel it that she wants me, only me, and doesnt think or want or prefer the sizes from before- I can see that she's sincere and feels what she says.

 

I keep coming back to your post as a reference when I side track. Thanks again for your words, they're helping me get over this slowly but surely.

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Deli, I agree with Lloyd. You will never know if she is simply saying that you are the best, or that your penis is the perfect size. That isn't what is important. What is important is that she loves you unconditionally and has stayed with you throughout all of your insecurities.

 

I think one fallacy that I read here quite often is that women don't like sex with men who have big penises because they don't know how to use them and only rely on size. I think the reality is that there are large men who are great lovers and poor lovers, just like there are small men who are great lovers and poor lovers.

 

You know you are not biggest, and you never will be. That isn't a shame, only reality. She loves you and from what you have said enjoys sex with you very much. That is what is important. You may not be the best she has had (like you said, she wasn't the best at giving you head, but I am sure you would tell her otherwise if you want to continue getting head). My question to you is, even though she isn't the best at giving you head, do you enjoy head from her, want head from her and love her all the same?

 

You may be her best, you may not. But she loves you and wants to be with you. Keep the bond strong with her and show her love, and she will never want sex with anyone but you - you will become her best lover (sex, emotion, connection, etc) . Work on overcoming your insecurities, because no woman is going to stay forever with anyone who constantly needs to have his confidence reassured. This is your issue, not hers, so hopefully you will accept the fact that she loves you and you are what is important to her, and not focus on juvenile things like "Am I the best sex she has ever had?" You are her lover, she loves you and loves sex with you, that should be all that is important.

 

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Am I the best, is she satisfied, is she being nice or plain honest. How do I know....

 

You don't. You trust her answers implicitly. She loves you and you love her. END OF STORY.

 

You want to keep grilling her and eventually lose her. People only take so much interrogation before they snap. Playing 20 questions is not fun when it becomes an obsession.

 

Is she on top because of your size. Why worry about it. Do you enjoy it, does she enjoy it, then do it. Top, bottom, cowboy, doggy, hanging from the rafters who cares as long as you are having fun and being passionate, nothing else really matters.

 

She doesn't give the best head. Sorry but I have never considered love and sexual intercourse an olympic sport, where you have to be the best. As long as all particpants are satisfied, you have won the gold as a TEAM.

 

Do you only go to movies after they have won the best film of the year (only the best will do), or do you enjoy movies throughout the year regardless of the 'score'.

 

It sounds like you have had some open dialogue, communication is great, you learn, she learns, you grow together. That is a relationship. And if her past worries you (past lovers), a simple rule - If you can't deal with the possible answers don't ask the questions.

 

Just curious, do you ever cook her a meal? Is it the best she has ever had? Is it perfect? How does it compare to what others have cooked for her? Do you care or do you do it because you want to? She is with you, having experienced a variety of men. WHY? She is with you because she WANTS to be. You have won the 'peoples' choice and hell I put more faith in that than the 'critics' selection (back to movie analogy)

 

She accepts you as you are, she is not in love with "tom's" mind, "dick's" body, "harry's" sense of humour, "karl's" penis. Its YOU she wants, in your entirety.

 

As for how other guys treated her, that is HER issue and 'frankly scarlette, none of your damn business' unless it is causing her problems and she wants to share.

 

My suggestion is perhaps you could see a counsellor with regards to self-esteem issues. You seem to need to compare yourself to others. How do I measure up (not just the penis size). How did others treat her (am I treating her ok?), Is she just saying things to not make me feel bad? (Why can't I accept its the truth and myself?)

 

You need to bury "thats it" which I don't think you have done entirely. It is still occupying a small space of you mind. STOP renting headspace to negative people.

 

IN OTHER NEWS. Congratulations on your new relationship. You love her, she loves you, you fought, you made up. You can be compassionate and caring...all healthy aspects.

 

"I once had a partner that screamed, OH GOD give me 10" and make me bleed". so I fucked her 2X and punched her in the nose.

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"I once had a partner that screamed, OH GOD give me 10" and make me bleed". so I fucked her 2X and punched her in the nose.

 

-haha, very well said.

 

I appreciate your post very much. Like I said I keep coming back here as a fall back when I'm finding myself slip. I read the literature and I can pass it on- but not until I'm completely convinced.

 

Often I do find myself comparing myself or fighting issues of self esteem. I used to be overweight for my height but I've spent the better half of a year and a half losing weight and getting in shape. That's how I met her in the first place- after losing 60lbs (I'm 5'8 went from 235-175). As much confidence as I got from that, I lost just as much when I realized the new love in my life had dated someone I strongly disliked from high school, as well as someone who was 6'6.

 

Do I truly believe she's happy with me and my sex? Yes, very much so. Do I have any real reason to trust her that these other guys weren't 8 inches and great lovers? No, why should I? I'm a liar, of course she could be (we're very similar personalities). But now that's just the thing- could she not be lying about how "perfect I fit"? I do know of the circumstances of the guys in her past and how she feels nothing towards them, and although it was said in rhetoric- I do cook her dinner, breakfast, take her out and treat her like a queen. These guys didn't. Maybe if they did she would have been just as happy with them as with me, but with them having penis' that are much more fullfilling and pleasurable.

 

I guess I just have to believe her and fight it, or don't believe her and fight it. Focus on the good and not the bad.

 

It's just not easy. Nothing about it is easy. I'll get mad at her when I think she's lying for the sake it for me. She shouldn't have to do that, and I should be able to handle it. That's just it too then- I'm as mad at myself as I can put the blame on her.

 

I guess the point is, where can I find counselling? Do I consider sex therapy? How would I afford this, and how can I feel strong about having to face issues that make me weak?

 

I've always been outgoing, easy to talk to, often the life of the party and quite simply put not someone who people would ever imagine to be insecure or have issues of self esteem. But I am insecure, I do have issues of self esteem, and even when trying to push her out of my life partly because of it I was just left feeling more alone and smaller than ever.

 

Where can I go now to TRULY take the next step in ending this? (or at least supressing it until I have a major crash in my 40's :))

 

(these forums are the most support I could have ever asked for btw. I'm starting to feel though as maybe I need to take the next step though in actively fighting these demons)

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... I do cook her dinner, breakfast, take her out and treat her like a queen. These guys didn't. Maybe if they did she would have been just as happy with them as with me, but with them having penis' that are much more fullfilling and pleasurable.

OMG! Could it be that dick size isn't the most important issue for a woman? Of course it could!

 

Perhaps if all else were equal she'd prefer the guy with the bigger dick. But "all else" covers a hell of a lot of ground. If you're the guy with the "all else" she wants, just be happy and proud of it.

 

 

Alan G

 

PS: You probably don't need a sex counselor. A counselor who deals with general self esteem and anxiety issues can likely help you.

 

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I agree with Alan.

 

Women are interesting creatures with extremely varying wants, desires and needs. Sure, some will demand a huge penis, but those women are (in general) part of the minority. For most women (and this is going off studies and such), the most important factors in a relationship aren't even physical ones at all!

 

According to studies, new and old, a woman's top three important charactertistics in a male are all intangibles. In otherwords... looks, penis size, and so forth, aren't in the top three. That doesn't mean she necessarily wants Quasimoto, but I think she's probably a little more accepting of physical traits than we are as men.

 

Do women enjoy sex? I'd sure say they do. But for many women, just BEING with their partner (and doing things together, being close, snuggling, hugging, kissing, etc) can mean a lot to them -- and for some, it can mean more than actual intercourse. It's just that as men, we tend to see sex a certain way and therefore think women must view it the same exact way.

 

Men and women are different. This isn't to say that one gender is smarter than the other or more capable; I'm merely stating that men and women view sex and relationships somewhat differently.

 

I'll use my fiancee as an example. She loves hugging and snuggling and kissing. She really likes sex too, but she's satisfied with the former bits of interaction. For me, I'd much prefer sex. This isn't to say I dislike hugging, snuggling or kissing her (I do like it), but I still prefer the actual act of intercourse or some other form of sexual play.

 

No one is equal. I don't mean this in a "I'm better than you" sort of way. What I'm getting at is that every person has their pros and cons. So many of us have smaller-than-average penises. Big deal. That doesn't mean we'll never find a partner nor does it mean that if and when we do, she'll be constantly wishing it were bigger.

 

If you're a genuinely nice, caring, thoughtful person who puts her first and loves her, then chances are she will not care about size. And you know what? If she does, then she's not the person for you. There are plenty of women out there looking for a man who won't treat them like a "piece of meat" and actually listen to them. If all they want is to be "filled up," then they can go out and buy a dildo. It works and they'd only have to deal with it on their terms.

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As much confidence as I got from that, I lost just as much when I realized the new love in my life had dated someone I strongly disliked from high school, as well as someone who was 6'6.

 

Now what is wrong, I say what is wrong with this picture boy? (Leghorn Foghorn).

 

She dumped a guy you disliked, and someone that was 6'6" (Its not the six feet I am interested in :P ). Talk about confidence builders. She has taste (she dumped the guy you didn't like and neither did she) and picked you instead. Obviously a discerning lady. And she dumped the jolly green giant too, instead selecting the little green squirt (he is cuter and friendlier anyway).

 

I would say that is 2 balls and zero strikes. Why did she dump these other guys, cause they weren't right for HER. You meet her needs and she meets your. What could be better.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I appreciate again all the support you guys have given me.

 

As much as I still fear it and draw myself into the abyss of anxiety when I see how much it hurts her I always stop and realise what really is important to her.

 

The other night I had fallen completely and we got into a heated discussion about it and where all I could say was "I hate picturing some 8'' guy being in the woman I love" and "You were just with him for that..." etc etc.

 

She felt very upset about the whole thing because she said it has never been about some guys penis for her. She told me that because I keep bringing this up I'm making her feel dirty, like I dont really know her or her character, and that by saying these things to her I was just destroying the very things that made not only me special for her, but our sex as well. I am only actually the 10th guy she's been with, and not only do I offer her the best of everything emotionally and spiritually, but sexually I am the only one she's ever felt truly connected to in every sense of the word 'love'.

 

I recall when we first started dating how she was uptight about certain things. Not simply because it was a new relationship, but that the boyfriends she had before me were not as experienced as I was, nor were they able to make her orgasm as frequently and as easily as I could. She has opened up in other ways because of this with me as well and has only now for the first time been comfortable and confident enough with someone to ever try and enjoy anal stimulation.

 

I guess what this post is about for me is not something to brag with, but more of a mental release of all I know and feel is true about her and I and what separates me from 9 other people who have never had such an impact on her life both physically, and emotionally as I have.

 

I've always come across as a confident guy, I'm fairly attractive and although not entirely cut I'm in excellent physical condition. She tells me shes never been more attracted to anyone else, and would give up anything in the world to stay with me, our sex, and my penis.

 

Either way, thanks again everyone, and I hope I can keep these things in my head if I ever start to slip.

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Jesus.. Im sorry to say this but you are behaving like an asshole :) What do you want to hear from her? Telling you your dick is good for her is something you dont believe, and if she told you your dick was small and not as good as the others youd get depressed over that..

 

Trust me when I say this, youll be so fucking sorry when you lose a special person because of your lack of confidence. Your dick is what it is, nothing will change that. Stop pestering your obviously lovely woman at once, UNDERSTAND?! And as someone else said earlier, dicksize is one factor in a relationship and it isnt even important to many woman. The other factors are more important, alot more important and I would go so far as to say this can apply to casual sex aswell. Most times a woman wont have a clue what package you carry until she gets so far as to lying on her back (IMHO) meaning your confidence, witt, charm, good looks/fitness, dance abillity (seriously, spend an hour training dance every day, youll get alot better results than with PE ;)) etc etc.

 

Im just saying, id be really pissed of if a gf would start HEATED arguments with me over my past

lovers, as those are really none of her fucking bussiness.

 

Sorry for the tone, I just dont want to see such a cool couple get busted for some irrelevant shit like your insecurities.

 

/The swede

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Yeah.....I agree with the swede. Don't worry about that stuff. So what if you worry about being les than the next guy. Apparently she loves you for who you are. The total package in her eyes is complete. If she weren't happy she'd move on.

Listen, it sounds like to me you are putting to much emphasis on what she is not saying or even what you might want her to say. The problem is your not looking at her actions. Her actions are enough for any reader on this board to realize..."Dude, your one lucky fellow with a pecker bigger than most of ours." :)

 

Just relax and enjoy the relationship. You have nothing to worry about. Love is great and fulfilling. DOn't let a insecurity rob you and her of the joy you guys rightfully deserve.

 

Good luck man. Keep your head up....uhh I meant the other one. :)

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