If you don't want to know the answer...

[encoderer]

I'm 24 and not too long ago I learned that if I don't want to know the answer, I shouldn't ask the question.

 

So, when it comes to the count for example, I never ask. Even though I secretly want her to say something low like "10" and therefore want to ask, I make myself avoid it and instead enjoy the bliss of ignorance.

 

But, when it comes to size, it's different. I can't NOT ask. I'm not small -- 6.75x5 -- but I'm far from big. And the fantasy of a girl taking a huge cock is hot to me.

 

Anyway, I've been dating a girl for a couple weeks. Nothing too serious yet. But I really like her, and the sex is magnificent. 2, 3 hours, every time.

 

So two nights ago while resting in between "innings" I asked her the largest she's had. She hesitated at first and then revealed it: 10 inches. Measured from the top. Another boyfriend was 9, and another was 7 but incredibly thick.

 

So I keep my cool, detached, cocky, self-assured exterior but inside I feel.. well.. crushed. I mean, how can I possibly compare? She was very careful to tread lightly upon my ego, and I was very careful not to be the needy, insecure guy. Nobody likes that guy.

 

And my thing is that first, the thought in my head of her being impaled on 10" is hot to me. Incredibly hot. And at the same time, it makes me feel incredibly inadequate and I continue to talk to her about it, from the perspective of how hot I think it is, and at the same time it's like I'm being masochistic, hurting myself the more we talk about it.

 

What I like about the idea of the girl taking the big one is complex:

 

1. The idea of her being completely owned, completely submissive, as you have to be with THAT inside you

 

2. The excitement she must feel just seeing it and feeling it.

 

3. The way it fills her up and stretches her out.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that as I fantasize about her taking this cock, it gets me off incredibly quick, and it's a really hot fantasy. But it always makes me feel like I'm useless and woefully inadequate.

 

So now I'm trying my best to have the "what? that? i dont' care" attitude but at the same time I want to beg her to validate me. But even if she did, I still wouldn't believe her.

 

It's like the only thing she could say that I would actually believe is "I loved the huge cock so much and i like sleeping with you but it just doesn't compare"

 

I mean, this girl acknowledges she's won the cock lottery, and at the same time, that's sexy to me, and devastating.

 

Sorry for being so inarticulate about this. I guess I'm just posting this here because I can't talk about it this candidly anywhere else. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel comfortable in my own skin knowing her experiences.

 

Ugh...

[LikelyLad]

Encoderer,

Wow . . . Heavy stuff, mate. I don't have anything of actual advice for you. I'm still too inexperienced and young to bring much to the plate. I know I'd have a hard time handling that situation.

 

I have a hard time admitting this, but I have in the past had those fantasies. I don't understand why. Is it about sexual power?

 

I do admire your ability to keep a perspective on this. Rather than being caught up, you're able to identify how you feel and why (esp. when you say that you'd only believe her if she said the worst thing you could hear). With the ability to do that, I guarantee that you'll be fine.

 

Good luck, amigo. I'll do whatever I can to help. I'm rooting for you!

 

All the very best,

LikelyLad

[LordRhal]

I think the reasons you like the idea of a woman taking a huge cock are these:

1: Most porn on the internet show huge guys impaling little ladies....and the ladies seem to love it. BUT...whats the reality to that!?! The girl is getting paid to look like she wants it. I would like to know from the ladies how sore you are after such a huge dinky anyway.

2:I fully believe that there are a lot of men who like the idea of impaling a woman with a huge dick, the feeling of being dominate, the helpless but satisfied look as she lays there and takes it. Someone correct me on this but, I think this goes back to caveman days or something in our animal make up. I am no scientist!!!!!

 

I would like the feeling of slammin' a lady with a huge dick. But here is the question...Do you really want all your skill in love making attributed to just the size of your penis? Would you not want a woman to want you soooo bad that she moans with pleasure JUST BECAUSE ITS YOU? Think about it. And here is some defense for the ladies........Do they really want to be dominated in bed, some do I am sure. Or do most ladies want to be treated equal during sex.

 

One more question - What are you gonna do once you have accomplished this feat ( having a lady beg for your size). In the end it doesn't seem to be that big of an accomplishment. :cool: :cool:

 

Edited May 11, 2007 by Guest

[encoderer]

I totally agree with your assessment, Rahl, and it reflects the things I said about the dominance thing.

 

I just wish these two things (being turned on by it and being.. well.. emasculated by it at the same time) weren't fighting one another in my mind, so to speak.

 

I also feel like I sometimes have no right to complain--i remind myself that, literally, millions of guys would love to have my size. But it still seems smell. Especially the girth. I would kill for another inch in circ.

[fredneck1951]

If women thought and felt about sex the way most men do, we would indeed be in trouble. Fortunately for us, and the human race, they are much more complex.

 

Consider this: you are well above average in size. In terms of volume, you are about twice my size. Would I like to be twice my size? You bet.

 

Cold comfort in your current state, of course. I knew a guy who was really big, over 8" long and 6" thick. He said he always wished he were bigger. So it's all relative.

 

There are participants in this forum who have lived out the fantasy of seeing their wives or girlfriends with men who were huge and skilled. The results do not usually make them or their partners happy in the long run. Few relationships can stand the strain.

 

If you have any plans to be with your girlfriend for an extended part of your life, you need to get a grip (so to speak) on this issue. Separate, and sequester, your fantasy life from your real life. Women find satisfaction in their relationships from a lot of things beyond "sack-time quality".

[encoderer]

Thats a good point, Fred. I suppose. It goes along with me reading a while ago that nearly all enlargement surgeries are performed on men that are already "average" in size or better.

 

... strange ...

[wuerstchen]

Never ask a woman about her previous lovers. And to ask about their penis size is to validate that as a criterion. In matters of the quality of sex, more is not necessarily more!

[fredneck1951]

Never ask a woman about her previous lovers. And to ask about their penis size is to validate that as a criterion. In matters of the quality of sex, more is not necessarily more!

 

This is truly excellent advice. If I could do one (OK, two) thing(s) over in my life and my marriage, it would be to never admit to any misgivings about my size, and never to have any curiosity about old lovers/boyfriends.

[The Swede]

I know its hard to do. I have promised myself never to bring up the issue of size or past lovers with any of the ladies in my future.. it has worked well so far. Disregarding dicksize I find its good in that the number of sexpartners you or your gf have had can differ alot, even though that doesent mean anything it can become a hookup "shit 20 guys have been inside of her and I only had 3 women, I must suck etc etc" and vice versa. On the other hand, you should respect the pain of the bigger guys who have had on occasion relationships break apart because they werent compatible with their partners, just like some guys with smaller members have had issues because of smaller size. What i mean is, your girl might not even love huge cocks, and you being much bigger and stretching her out might be a problem and not a blessing. Course it wouldnt have to be but it could, so dont look at it black and white.

[encoderer]

For me, asking the number of partners (what I referred to in my OP as the 'count') isn't a big deal. I couldn't care less.

 

I was just thinking about why and I think i figured it out. It's easy, really: I'm not insecure about my count. I've slept with 21 women. Now, when amortized over the 9 years since I've lost my V, that's not terribly impressive, but good enough that I feel OK about it.

 

But since i've got this wicked combination of insecurity + fantasy about large cocks in a girls past, I often find myself tempted to ask, and then I start dwelling on it, etc.

 

I just found this site today and I appreciate it. It's so refreshing to be able to just say it.

Edited May 10, 2007 by Guest

[deli_cinq5]

I find myself with similar fantasies- but only if I'm the one with the bigger dick than other guys. Thinking of my gf with other, larger guys upsets me most because the thought of her being dominated by someone else is just crushing.

 

On the other hand I would love to do the dominating, and it's the futility that I will never be able to where as other guys possibly have that unnerves me and makes it an issue the most.

[pajamadude]

encoderer-

i have the same thing going on in my head.

i know my girl has been with waaaay bigger than me, she's described many 9" and 10" dongs in her past and i've even seen the pictures to prove her claims!

 

the strange thing is, i am equally turned on and appalled by this info. It tears me up in my day-to-day life, but then i imagine her getting hammered by a big one and it turns me on a-lot.

 

also, i usually think about it right before i want to cum ,because it is a sure fire way to get myself off.

 

sooooo strange. i'm just glad to hear there's someone else like me out there!

[Guest]

Don't ask! You don't need to know!

[canuck45]

fully believe that there are a lot of men who like the idea of impaling a woman with a huge dick, the feeling of being dominate, the helpless but satisfied look as she lays there and takes it. Someone correct me on this but, I think this goes back to caveman days or something in our animal make up. I am no scientist!!!!!

 

impaling, slamming, helpless....yeeesh so much for the difference between making love and rutting.

 

And I would think in caveman days the one that can beat the others would get mating rights, not the one with the biggest dick, but a combination of strength, cunning, indominable, fearless in the face of an enemy and willing to give it all to protect the tribe (win or lose).

[curious2222]

If women thought and felt about sex the way most men do, we would indeed be in trouble. Fortunately for us, and the human race, they are much more complex.

 

......... There are participants in this forum who have lived out the fantasy of seeing their wives or girlfriends with men who were huge and skilled. The results do not usually make them or their partners happy in the long run. Few relationships can stand the strain.

 

I think this is very true. Underlying this is, I believe, the fact that most women do not detach sex from the relationship which causes them to not obsess about the man's penis size. A factor? A consideration? Yes. The most important criteria for happiness? No. Compassion, enthusiasm and skill seem to go an awfully long way to counterbalance size issues.

 

It is when men, through foisting their insecurities on women, screw this up that we see bad consequences. Either the man urges or impliedly blesses the woman's separation of sex from relationship causing her to view the penis as a commodity of pleasure with her as the consumer (and we know how ruthlessly women can shop for what they want).

 

Or the man betrays the relationship by wanting to bring the huge stud in for a session thereby making the woman believe she is nothing more than a prop for his porn fantasies, which damages the relationship thereby paving the way for cheating. (from what I have read affairs usually begin not from a desire for sex but a desire for relationship, as a replacement for the one that has been neglected or damaged)

 

I think even talking about prior sexual experiences, partners, sizes, etc., is poisonous. It allows an intrusion into what should be solely between the man and the woman--focusing on pleasuring one another and intimacy, not discussing someone else's cock size. To that extent it interferes with the relationship and it also creates hurt feelings and insecurities, as the OP has experienced. A man asking how big the woman's prior lovers were is as much a no-win question and answer as one where the woman asks the man to describe the most beautiful or sexually attractive woman he has ever been with. The person responding can either answer without considering the feelings of the asker (a monumentally unwise choice)in the erroneous belief that a brutal answer is the same as an honest answer, or can rely on a very fuzzy memory of past events to decline or just plain lie, a course of action the asker will sense in his or her gut is an evasion, thereby raising suspicions and further anguish, whether expressed or not.

 

The result? Posts like this one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[chocolatedck]

 

Don't ask. Chances are you will never like the answer -- even if the guy is smaller than you.

 

Why? Even if the guy was smaller than you, as humans we will find other things to worry about. If he was smaller, maybe he lasts longer or has better technique.. Which can be worse for a guy with a big dick -- because he would expect he is better simply on size. But what good is size if he cums less than 1 minute? The questions are essentially endless. Even if in that area you are happy with the answer, then you will wonder if he was better looking etc etc. Insecurities extend beyond just penis size.

 

Basically, asking about the past is pointless. If the girl realizes by this that it makes you insecure, you've now just given her ammunition. Don't let your insecurities be known, because if you do, now she knows what buttons she can press. Most chicks already know that guys get insecure about size, and many to piss you off will even lie about it to get a hand up on you.

 

Notice many girls also wouldn't ask you about your previous lovers also for the same exact reason. They wonder too (like us) Maybe the chick gives you better head, has a tighter pussy, nicer ass, bigger boobs, prettier face, etc.. Girls have enough insecurities as it is -- they are just smarter about keeping it hidden. I think women are smarter when it comes to relationships than men. Probably because they discuss their issues with other women more openly and therefore get feedback more quicker and honestly. Guys on the other hand tend to keep most things private (at least the truth) and I think it is guys that more often perpetuate their own problems by making it a problem in the first place.

 

If you start convincing a woman that something is wrong with you by making the insecurities known and often obsess about them, she will soon begin to believe you!

 

Confidence is key here. If we look at the situation statistically, the more men your woman has been with -- the better it is actually for you (with regard to penis size). Reason being that, women that have been with more men (larger sample) are most likely on average to have experienced an average sized penis. Whereas a woman that has only been with one person may have had the luck to experience that rare one big one. Her perception than becomes that alot of guys are that big.

 

So for small penis guys, it is in your advantage that a girl has been with a few men opposed to one from a statistical point of view. It would be impossible for a girl who has been with 20+ guys (example sake) to have never experienced something smaller than average. It would be impossible all 20+ guys were above average and if she says they were, she is definitely lying.