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Things I Needed to Learn


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Many men, of various sizes, worry about the size of their penis. For various reasons many men are unsatisfied and insecure with what they have been given. There is a well known contributor on another site that says penis size, at the extreme ends of the range, may cause issues but in between the range most, if not all, issues can be managed. In fact, often there really isn't an issue at all.

 

I cannot speak for all men but I have learned a few things about size related concerns and insecurity from reading forums such as this one, speaking with people whose opinions on the subject I value and by reflecting on my own experience.

 

These thoughts, some learned here, are from my perspective and about myself but I hope they will resonate with others.

 

I always thought I was small... I am not. There is a big difference between being small and feeling small. It took me years to understand that.

 

My insecurity was as unnecessary as it was unattractive.

 

My insecurity has had a worse effect on intimacy in my relationships than the size of my penis has.

 

If anyone told me they thought less of me as a man because of my size I would be disappointed in them so why do I allow myself to think this way?

 

Why is it so much easier to use the opinions of the minority (those who are entitled to and have strong preferences for larger penises) to validate my insecurities instead of listening to the majority that would tell me I am ok just as I am?

 

I have spent a lot of time worrying about something that, in the grand scheme of things, meant very little. And, it meant far less to others than it ever did to me.

 

No one else needed to change... I did; so I have worked hard to do so.

 

For me the significance of this issue has been far worse in my imagination than it has been in real life. I have learned a lot and it has changed the way I see myself.

 

Thank you to those here that have helped me and try to help others!

 

 

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Your words resonate so much on my own experience! I spent a large part of my adult life with deep insecurities and diagnosed with dysmorphia.

 

All this was entirely unnecessary as I was/am well within the normal range.

 

The biggest thing I needed was educating about size and matters concerning it.

 

This problem could be prevented in so many guys if proper education was introduced to adolescents. Boys in particular are exposed to images from porn that skew their ideas of normal and then you have articles in the media spewing damaging size ideals!

 

Had I been educated on this topic as I was through counselling and sexual therapy at the age of say 15, what I went through would have been prevented!

 

At one point in my life I was so low I was suicidal, I look back now and think wowww! If I had killed myself it would have been for a problem that did not exist, it makes me shudder to think about it.

 

Scott

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This problem could be prevented in so many guys if proper education was introduced to adolescents. Boys in particular are exposed to images from porn that skew their ideas of normal and then you have articles in the media spewing damaging size ideals!

 

Hey Gibson/Scott!

 

And thus, as a direct result, we have this constant flow of guys showing up at Measurection.com with their tales of supposed woe who haven't received this proper education on what is within the normal range, but who, instead, are filled with their own self-styled, skewed notions taken from porn, the internet, and the media.

 

Which is why, too, I'm more than glad that there are guys here like yourselves who can share their personal experiences along the path to self-acceptance and who, in turn, can then re-direct others in the same manner.

 

Just be prepared for an endless parade, as it never seems to quit.

 

Over time, too, I've learned not to focus too much attention on any one particular individual, as most need their own time-frame to come to grips with their own self-acceptance. Some heads are much harder than others, i.e., they already have all the pat "answers" embedded as "certain," and thus, need a lot of additional time for the message to penetrate through.

 

Oh, and sometimes our methodology here works and sometimes it doesn't. We can't "save" everyone. Actually, they need to "save" themselves, but there are some who seem incapable of being able to do just that, and apparently prefer to continue wallowing in their own self-constructed misery.

 

Rick

 

 

 

 

 

 

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i'm another one of those guys that has messed up thinking. tho it wasn't brought about by media or porn or something like that, i can certainly see why a lot of men would be deeply affected by it.

 

the OP's points are all very valid, not just for guys stuck in this mental rut but men in general. our penis doesn't define who we are and it's extremely unfortunate we're taught that it does.

 

i've learned a lot in the short time i've been coming here, simply because it's comfortable and accepting and i can truly relax around other men in ways that aren't possible, otherwise. that gives me lots of time to put my situation in perspective without battling misconceptions and societal stress or even my own inner voice berating me for something i don't really have a physical problem with.

 

like scott, i was in a pretty terrible place in my head for a few years before i found this site, and it was only getting worse. by the time i came here.....i had some seriously dark thoughts. in the short time i've been coming here and talking to other guys (my apologies for the constant quizzing in chat, btw, to anyone i grilled!) i have begun healing some of the worst of it. and this is a point i HAVE TO stress.....it's not because comparing myself to a lot of other men here i'm bigger, so i'm better. no. no, that's not it at all. that would be the obvious knee jerk assumption but it couldn't be further from the truth. i suppose in some cases, it is like that, and that's not right. it's because just by being honest, saying 'out loud' my size, feeling accepted and talking to other guys, i'm seeing my penis a bit differently now. a time or two i even had a positive thought about it, which, as you know, is amazing.

 

it's complicated, and messed up and by god, unnecessary. thankfully, there are guys here that can relate to how absolutely screwed up someone's thinking can get over this. i already have a therapist (surprise!! lol) for another matter entirely, but because of red scott telling me his story in another thread, i brought it up with him yesterday. it was DIFFICULT!! i swear to god it was. but because of this site, i could! i'm ever grateful, scott.

 

i just wanted to add my voice to this thread. imagined or not it's a very real problem to the men that deal with it and the more there is to say about it, the more information there is for other guys to read when they come in.

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Hi William_s, you have truly brought a tear to my eye and really made my day at the same time. Knowing I have helped just one person makes my struggle all seem worth it! I am so happy you have got to this point!

 

My girlfriend was worried spending time on this site would drag up my past and I said to her " if I can help even one person in my situation then I will be overjoyed"

 

I can show her your reply with pride!

 

Good luck in your continued recovery and you are most welcome!

 

One very happy Scott. :content:

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But, as usual, no solution is suggested for guys who are actually small.

 

Your situation is different to my own and as I have only the knowledge of how to overcome the psychological aspect of the problem what I can tell you is this:

 

If you have not had counselling then it can help. It's about acceptance in your circumstance, acceptance of yourself. What I learned from counselling and therapy is to "re-program" my brain, the way I think and what I think about. What are the worst case scenarios of my problem.

 

Medical science is part way there to help with the physical aspect but has a long way to go to being ideal. Until this happens the way forward with yourself would be to sort out the part you can, the psychological part. Even on its own this will be a massive help.

 

My first session I remember my words " this will be a waste of both our time, talking about it can't help me "

 

Boy do I feel stupid now knowing I said that! I was so wrong it's untrue.

 

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I too am thankful that I joined this community. Though I still perceive my dick as small and still take extra steps to keep it under wraps when encountering communal/public facilities, I feel more comfortable with myself knowing that I am not under average in size. Perhaps, over time, I will perceive my dick as average in size.

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I feel more comfortable with myself knowing that I am not under average in size. Perhaps, over time, I will perceive my dick as average in size.

Hi dtw1942, in your above statement you said it to yourself, you are not under average, in which case (assuming you're not above average) you have to be average in size.

 

You don't need to just perceive it as so because it actually is. What's to perceive when it's FACT?

 

I presume like most guys who think they are small these thoughts mainly arise as you view your penis? Your brain sees it as small because it's become accustomed to thinking that, if you grew an inch overnight your brain would not acknowledge your new size it would appear the same.

 

Where possible only view your penis in photos or a mirror this helps your brain to see what it should see and totally avoid looking down at it! Over time you will start to see it differently.

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Thank you to those here that have helped me and try to help others!

 

But' date=' as usual, no solution is suggested for guys who are actually small.

[/quote']

The "solution" for the actually small penis owners is the same as for all of us- Be Good At Sex. It is only half true that a bigger penis has an easier time at giving pleasure. Without skill it's more easy to either not make a partner happy or even make them UNhappy.

 

I keep pointing to a friend of mine with his small, thin, "mouse" penis. Literal Vienna sausage. Knows his way around a woman so well that by the time he gets around to using his penis some of them never notice. Great hands, women love his legs and he emits comfort and fun at the same time. It's that sexual confidence that draws them in.

 

On top of that he uses his cock as a g-spot stimulator. He pokes with deliberate aim to hit the one interior place he'd previously found by hand. For that he takes a pass on shaft use to use the tip until she cums. By then he's so turned on by the rapid humping (hip control) that with four or five shaft rubs in her he gets off at the same time. (Nice to see in an orgy.)

 

Look, most of the mistakes a guy can make during sex are through self indulgence. We keep worrying about making a partner happy, but can forget about doing just that once we're groped. The animal instinct to get off fast needs to shift to confidence that you will. Better yet, shift the focus to getting your partner off fast (and often) and that will change even your outward attractiveness.

 

See taglines.

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  • 2 weeks later...

This was a cool read.

Knowing you're not small is interesting because i don't really know if mine is considered small or average. And i worry that if it is small, that potential lovers find smaller ones unattractive. I know women say my attitude would be more unattractive, but i wonder if this means that they do find small penis somewhat ugly.

In anycase, glad to see someone here that's doing so well. It provides hope. For that i thank you.

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Interesting about the proper education. Way back in the jurassic age when I was in school, we had an orientation in PE the first day. Obviously we were at the right age, puberty was beginning and different people were at different stages in change. One of the things discussed was penis change and development and what was emphasized was that penis come in all shapes, styles and size and none of them had anything to do with being better or worse. The teacher mentioned showers and growers and that in the end the size of the penis is not at all important. It ended with a verbal notice that any bullying, teasing or derogatory remarks about anyone else would be dealt with by the PE teacher!

 

With roughly 150 guys in my grade not once did I ever hear a comment on penis size. Respect, consideration and manners (Jurassic qualities).

 

BTW the pecking order (confidence) was more on whether you were on any team sports, individual sports, school group, academically inclined, had a sense of humour or a personality, in fact if you participated in anything or did well in anything at all, you were a top dog. Guess everyone was a top dog.... gee the good old non-judgemental days when values were instilled in the youth of society LOL

 

Oh yeah and not being on the cell phone 24/7 we actually developed social skills and we were all social in high school.

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Thank you to those here that have helped me and try to help others!

But' date=' as usual, no solution is suggested for guys who are actually small.[/quote']

I was not concerned about my dick size when drunk. I could tolerate with a smirk negative and even painful emotions when drunk!

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