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Dear Measurection Users,

 

It's been a few years since I've logged in. Two, I think? I feel bad to have abandoned you all and I think about you often. Actually, I've been battling with some very intense health problems that bled into (or bled from?) my social life and my career. It's been a hard time for me, but I wanted to come back and let you know where I've been. Many of you who were active when I left may have taken your own leave of this forum. I'm sorry to have not been able to say good bye. Many of you are new, now, and I apologize for the less than chipper introduction...

 

When I joined Measurection it was because I really and truly loved small penises. I was on the edge of a divorce and still learning about my own sexuality while simultaneously trying to graduate from a PhD program that seemed intent on wrecking me. It turns out that I just love penises in general and it was always my pleasure to share that with you ^^

 

In 2013 I moved to Japan to start my first real job teaching at a university. Stuff just didn't roll out the way I had expected. I took a teaching job with double the number of courses that most of my peers would have because I like teaching, but it turned out that I was just expected to teach on top of doing research and I was reminded regularly that if I couldn't produce publishable research that my career would be over. What was supposed to be a fun and low-stress job turned into a nightmare. I had an office in the back corner of a building so old that it didn't even have an indoor toilet and I could go weeks at a time without seeing anybody. I had friends in Tokyo, but they had gotten married and had kids and become too busy to even have dinner with me. The isolation started to make me nuts.

 

I tried to be proactive about my situation and join a mountain biking club to make friends. It was a ton of fun, but there were no other girls. I'm usually ok with that, but in this case it meant that I was always the slowest one in the group, feeling like the runt of the litter always trying to catch up. I felt like if I could only get faster that the boys would want to play with me, but that was an illusion. I made myself sick by training too much and working too hard to try and satisfy all of these requirements just to be alive. I couldn't handle the isolation and the pressure, but because I had no peers and no colleagues, and no real friends even, I didn't see the downhill progression until I was very, very sick.

 

Now, my body has started to shut down. I have almost no testosterone or estrogen -- I hardly want sex anymore, except because it's a nice way to hang out without having to talk. I also developed IBS and Chronic Fatigue (syndrome) and am pre-diabetic now, too.

 

I found a nutritionist who is helping me to recover, but the things my body is doing to me now, well, they made me think of you guys. I had to quit cycling and I'm quitting my job in July because I physically can't handle the stress anymore. To manage my insulin I have to eat almost constantly, but with the massive reduction in exercise I've put on 17 pounds in a few months. My body looks grotesque to me, even though my lover continually reassures me that I'm super hot in his eyes (I believe him! It doesn't help!). My hormone imbalance has made my breasts swell up like a pregnant woman. They hurt and they're heavy and they feel like they belong to someone else. I sometimes look in the mirror and imagine myself cutting them off. Even though I know that all of this is temporary and that once I restore my body's ability to manage itself that I can go back to riding my bike and fucking and feeling like the sexy fox I know I'm supposed to be, it just doesn't help very much and I hate my body right now.

 

Anyway, even though I wanted to log in and chat with you guys, I felt so desperate and on the edge of destruction for so long, that I was afraid that if I tried to share with you that it would just overwhelm me. With my nutritionist's help I am starting to feel in control again. I have enough energy that I can usually make it from morning to night without a fatigue-induced panic attack, and my hormones are starting to stabilize to the point that I don't feel quite so teary-eyed and hopeless all the time. It'll be a long road for me yet -- six months, I'm told -- but since I had the chance today, I wanted to check in.

 

I sincerely hope that you all are well. I know you're not sparkling chipper dandy, or else you wouldn't be hanging out on a forum for men with body issues, but you are all very, very important people to me, even though we only know each other as anonymous texts over the web. I hope that in the months to come as things settle down for me that I'll be able to participate more.

 

Much love to all of you,

 

Pink

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It's been a while and its good to hear from you. You do what you have to do, and don't worry about what you have or haven't done here. You don't need another stressor in your life.

 

Getting yourself healthier is job one, everything else will fall into place.

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Gosh, even though I have followed your blog on and off, I had no ideas things were going downhill for you so seriously!

 

I hope your recovery proceeds. Are you returning to the USA soon?

 

 

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Hi don't know if you remember me.When I seen the forum been absent I was hoping it was you.I have really missed you.In my eyes you are one of the sweetest members ever. Very sorry to hear whats going on and I wish you the very best in getting back to feeling better.I have tried to follow your blog and even tried to see if I could e mail you. I can tell you you are greatly missed.You have helped me so much on this site and I'm thankful you was here.only thing I ask is please take care of yourself and feel better. You are the best.

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I've thought of you often. I wondered how someone with so much care and concern for others could just disappear. As someone who made it through a life-threatening disease, I understand how you feel. Been there. You'll be fine. You've got what you need most. Positive attitude. I also miss Bronxie.

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From a long-time lurker, it's nice to hear from you and that you're taking positive steps to address your situation.

 

I'm not sure if they have naturopaths in Japan but my wife had similar (but not exactly the same) issues. It wasn't until she started to see a naturopath to help her address her hormonal issues as well as her diabetes that things started to turn around.

 

So you're on the right track! Just stick with it and remember to take time to heal yourself.

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Hi Pinkie, can I just say a few things with regards to the diabetes? Mainly speaking as a diabetic myself I think I can give a little sound advice.

 

Pre-diabetes can be stopped in its track's and doesn't have to be a one way street to ending up being a full blown diabetic. The first thing is DONT GIVE UP THE CYCLING! Since becoming diabetic (insulin dependent) nearly four years ago I almost gave up cycling, but, I got some sound advice from a professional cyclist belonging to "Team Norvo Disc" (look them up) and every one of this team is diabetic.

 

Cycling, running and swimming are the three best forms of exercise for diabetics as these help with blood sugar control as well as other health benefits. Whilst you may have to eat "little and often" this can be done whilst still maintaining blood glucose levels. Nearly everything these days has sugar in it, in one form or another so there's some easy wins:

 

Avoid sugary treats, the most obvious.

Minimize the amount of bread, pasta, potato's and rice you eat.

Think low carbs and high fat when it comes to diabetes and you WILL lose weight!

 

Check this site out as its very useful:

 

www.diabetes.co.uk

 

It's full of sound advice and changed my life as a diabetic COMPLETELY!

 

I will never get better, you on the other hand have a very real chance of doing so! Don't leave it until it's too late please!

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Well I'd like to say that- though you don't know me Pinkie-I've really enjoyed reading your old posts on the site while you were away.I'm sorry to hear about you health and other issues, and hope you are better soon.

 

It was great hearing about these issues from the point of view of a fellow lecturer who is also female!.I became interested in all this stuff- purely from a sociological point of view of course, ahem,-and began participating in these sites and forums....

 

But seriously, I not only have a personal interest, but realise that this whole question of size is really a cultural phenomenon!.

 

Personally I've always felt that most women either didn't really care about penis size, or- in many cases- actually preferred average or smaller.Its always seemed obvious to me that average or even smaller cocks could in fact provide more pleasure for women, for several reasons,and were in many ways superior to large!

I know 'though, that many, (even here) would disagree!.

 

The whole myth of the superiority of big-along with all the mythological baggage- on average size, race etc,- is in itself fascinating, as is the fetishisation of the penis itself!.There are so many ways of looking at all of this (perspectives) and it touches upon so many disciplines: Cultural Studies,Gender Studies,Feminist,psychology, biology etc, that I'm surprised much more serious work hasn't been done on all of this.....but popular media like forums are the most fascinating!.

 

Of particular interest to me are the women who participate, as I say, especially those who prefer small- of which there are very many!.

 

Finally I'd like to ask you about one of your posts in particular. It related to the well known study with models of different sized penises, the conclusion of which was that most women preferred a cock of around 6" (in fact there were two different preferences relating to the preferred size for a relationship and a one night stand, but I forget the precise figures).

 

I am paraphrasing here, but you said something like people with all gravitate towards the mean in any range.I was extremely interested in the post, and wanted to find it, but have been unable to...is it possible for you to locate it?

 

Thanks!

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  • 4 weeks later...

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