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Divorced or "Married and no sex at home"?


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I'm a married man whose wife went through the change and has had zero desire for sex for years. As a result the most pleasure I get is with my hand or, if I'm lucky, with another guy who wants to masturbate with me (very, very rare). Is anyone else in the same boat? If so, I'd like to hear what you do to ease the sexual frustration.

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31 minutes ago, fiveinchsmitty said:

I'm a married man whose wife went through the change and has had zero desire for sex for years. As a result the most pleasure I get is with my hand or, if I'm lucky, with another guy who wants to masturbate with me (very, very rare). Is anyone else in the same boat? If so, I'd like to hear what you do to ease the sexual frustration.

Unfortunately my wife also has had no interest in sex for many years. I would not cheat on her so  masturbation is my only sexual outlet. I have been masturbating for over 50 years. I do watch erotic videos to enhance my sessions plus I do edging to make them last 30 to 40 minutes then have a knee buckling orgasm and watch the semen fly from my cock.

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My wife also went thru the change 7 years ago and no sex since then. I had all ready been masturbating for years as sex was not as often as it had been. I never really stopped jerking off but stepped it up when the sex stopped. A guy on here suggested edging, then explained it, so I tried it watching a very good mmf video a yep an explosive cum with it going all over the place. I t was the best I had gotten off in a long time.

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15 minutes ago, opalg said:

 A guy on here suggested edging, then explained it, so I tried it watching a very good mmf video a yep an explosive cum with it going all over the place. I t was the best I had gotten off in a long time.

Edging is awesome builds up a more powerful orgasm. More semen most of the time also.

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On ‎4‎/‎19‎/‎2019 at 1:30 PM, fiveinchsmitty said:

I'm a married man whose wife went through the change and has had zero desire for sex for years. As a result the most pleasure I get is with my hand or, if I'm lucky, with another guy who wants to masturbate with me (very, very rare). Is anyone else in the same boat? If so, I'd like to hear what you do to ease the sexual frustration.

I guess we are a few unlucky men with no sew at home with the wife. I thought there might be more responses to your question.

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no, I am sure there are more, some dont read all the posts, other ignore them

I am living the same dream, I dont have to worry, I can masturbate at ease without the concern that I wont be able to perform

 because that was a real worry for me "what if today is the day and I cant get an erection", because tbh, that would be very hard for me 

 

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Hi, guys, I know the feeling, 27 years ago my wife had her second major cancer surgery and that ended our sex life,  we survived

for 26 years. I loved my wife and would not cheat on her, so I used the hand  lots.  I too, had love to masturbate over the years and found time to play with my small cock, perhaps not as much as I would have liked, but enough to keep from being too horny.  Still love to get a good cum from the hand.

 

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You can add me to the list. Like the others, I masturbate a lot, which is enjoyable,  I've had a few m2m encounters as well ,but they are rare, its been a couple of years since my last hookup which went very well  (oral only). The guy was also in the same situation at home. His cock was almost identical in size to my own, which was absolutely wonderful.

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Hi all, I have some general questions to this, mainly because I am one of the younger guys on here and not married as of yet.  In my studies and line of work, I generally hear a lot of older men talk about how after menopause their wives’ sex drives decrease.  While the men generally want more sex, I feel this is not a discussion that they actually have with the lady.  One of my concerns about marriage is sexual compatibility.  While sex is not a fundamentality for me, it is on the list simply because I have a very high libido.  My fear is that my marriage in the long run will fall into disarray due to differences in sex drives.

Aside from taking matters in your own hands (literally), have you tried to tackle your sexual frustration in other ways?  Also, have you talked to your wives about their lack of desires?  How did you go about it?  Were you upfront about the matter or were you implicit?  Additionally, do you do other things with the wife to substitute for sex?  Is that sufficient?  Lastly, is the lack of sex even an issue at this point in your lives?  I am young now so it is likely my sex drive will mellow out where maybe this is not an issue, but I would still like to know.     

 

 

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@DThomas  I will try and answer your questions from my POV and life experiences. I have been married 45 years and can say sex was never the reason that I married my wife. We did had a great sex life for 30 years. I now have masturbation to fulfill my sexual needs as I have said I would never cheat on my wife. If you really love the woman you have married a lack of sex should not be a reason for a divorce especially in your later years. That is just my opinion others see it quite differently. No I have not had a conversation about her lack of sex drive. Maybe I should but I doubt it would change anything. So much more to life than sex.
 

Edited by RodEnuf
Removed unnecessary 100% quote of immediately preceding post.
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I am also in the same boat like so many married men that reach the age of sixty. I always looked forward to when my wife and I didn't have to worry about using condoms, and to enjoy sex together with out the pressure of children living with us, but alas, on finishing her periods and going through the menopause her desire for sex went out of the window. I was left with masturbating myself in secret and searching for stimulation else where which did include Gay porn. Through this site and a few others I met a man in similar circumstances and now we masturbate and have oral sex together and also share our fantasies with each other. The main thing that upsets me is, my wife doesn't care about my sexual needs and do married men my age turn to bi sexuality to gain sexual satisfaction after their wives reject them?  

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I'll raise my hand. My wife is going through the change now but we haven't been sleeping together regularly in years. Not sure how long for sure but there has only been once in the past four years. It felt awkward. There are a number of reasons I won't go in to but it boils down to the fact that while we had some good moments and even good periods during our 30+ years, overall our marriage has been problematic sexually. She's a great mother and otherwise a pretty good partner. 

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My wife hasn’t allowed me to have vaginal sex with her in well over a year. I can’t really remember the last time we even attempted it. She gets frustrated. She occasionally gives me oral and occasionally allows me to have anal sex with her, but the vast majority of the time she just masturbates me. She masturbates herself a lot with her big dildos, vibrators and butt plugs. I give her oral when ever she wants me to.

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Thank you for the responses.  They really provided me with some insight.  I was quite afraid to ask because nowadays the “expression” of a need for sex in a relationship, much less a marriage, is considered to be shallow, but I personally think that thought is too simplistic since most relationships tend to have a sexual component.  I do think that if lack of sex creates faults in a marriage then the foundation of said marriage was poor to begin with, however I believe differences in sexual desire should be discussed in a marriage without issue because it really is only fair that two partners openly communicate their expectations in a relationship without fearing the other person will retaliate.

I am not expecting my wife/girlfriend to have sex whenever I request (that is more creepy than sexy), however I would like to be able to discuss the matter with her and work on it, even if it is superficial.  Even if I stop having relations after the age of 70+, I would feel comfortable in the knowledge that my wife and I worked on the matter and we were able to find some middle ground.  I might be wrong for most men, but I find when no sex happens, either it is never discussed since it was not important (which is great), one partner is frustrated while the other is oblivious or do not care (which is not right), or it is not discussed due to fear of opening a can of worms (which is concerning).

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@DThomas The key ingredient to a happy and healthy marriage, or any relationship for that matter, is communication. Being able to talk with your partner/wife about literally anything means that any differences between the two of you can be quickly and easily ironed out and compromises reached that keep you both happy! 

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5 hours ago, Red Scott said:

The key ingredient to a happy and healthy marriage, or any relationship for that matter, is communication.

Agreed,
But there is also the mindset that appears to change with Menopause as well.
 

Notice here that the role of the "initiator" is moved solidly to the man; to wine dine & romance more than was the case in the past.
The previously prowling Cougar that used  be keen to jump my bones a lot of the time, is now a bit more sedate, preferring to curl up on my lap.

She always says we should have more sex in discussion, but it's other things that are more of a leisure priority,
a few drinks, fav TV shows & magazines, and the Social Media catch up, are first interests as far as a "good evening" is concerned.

And the one of those I dislike the most is the "Winding Down" to a sitting of Candy Crush...

So addictive with it's sounds & colours, & engineered just like Poker machines, to give your brain those hits of Dopamine hits, so you've got you quota of Happy Hormone, & don't need to get it once in bed.

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On 4/29/2019 at 8:45 AM, Doug60 said:

I am also in the same boat like so many married men that reach the age of sixty. I always looked forward to when my wife and I didn't have to worry about using condoms, and to enjoy sex together with out the pressure of children living with us, but alas, on finishing her periods and going through the menopause her desire for sex went out of the window. I was left with masturbating myself in secret and searching for stimulation else where which did include Gay porn. Through this site and a few others I met a man in similar circumstances and now we masturbate and have oral sex together and also share our fantasies with each other. The main thing that upsets me is, my wife doesn't care about my sexual needs and do married men my age turn to bi sexuality to gain sexual satisfaction after their wives reject them?   

The answer to your question is YES. At least in my case,  it is.

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On ‎4‎/‎29‎/‎2019 at 10:45 AM, Doug60 said:

 The main thing that upsets me is, my wife doesn't care about my sexual needs and do married men my age turn to bi sexuality to gain sexual satisfaction after their wives reject them?  

I suppose we do I would love to have a jack off buddy just like my days as a ultra horny teenager!

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Reading some of these post is quite sad for me.  It makes me wish even more that sex was not such a taboo topic to talk about.  Sadly, I believe my own parents are going through this at home, so in an ironic way, this is truly insightful to see what they might be going through for the past couple of years. 

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2 hours ago, DThomas said:

Reading some of these post is quite sad for me.  It makes me wish even more that sex was not such a taboo topic to talk about.  Sadly, I believe my own parents are going through this at home, so in an ironic way, this is truly insightful to see what they might be going through for the past couple of years. 

When you look at this with a older persons POV it is not really that sad. In my case I had 30 years of awesome intercourse with my wife plus other sexual pleasures. I look at it as going back to my youth where masturbation was my only sexual outlet. I admit I do love playing with my erect penis and still enjoy knee buckling orgasms and I love to watch the semen fly from the end of my cock. So do not feel to bad for us or at least me.

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On 5/1/2019 at 8:05 AM, Allen43 said:

My wife hasn’t allowed me to have vaginal sex with her in well over a year. 

Do you ask or press for it and she refuses?  Did you used to ask or press for it and stopped?  Or, did she used to ask for vaginal intercourse and now stopped asking?

Long ago, when I realized my performance was sub par I stopped asking and/or initiating and only did it when she asked.  When she stopped asking when older everything stopped.

Interesting variety of responses you got for your post!

 

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