Jump to content

Divorced or "Married and no sex at home"?


Recommended Posts

@smallguyone It just frustrates her when we attempted vaginal sex. I would often slip out, plus the fact that she said she couldn’t really feel me inside her. She has a large vagina. So, we don’t do that way any more. I don’t even ask for it. She often masturbates using her large toys in her vagina though. She says she likes the ‘full feeling’ she gets when using them. I of course can’t  provide her with anything close to having a ‘full feeling’ with my tiny erection. I’m okay with it though. She occasionally does allow me to penetrate her anally, which I really enjoy. But mostly she just masturbates me to give me sexual relief. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, smallguyone said:

Do you ask or press for it and she refuses?  Did you used to ask or press for it and stopped?  Or, did she used to ask for vaginal intercourse and now stopped asking?

Long ago, when I realized my performance was sub par I stopped asking and/or initiating and only did it when she asked.  When she stopped asking when older everything stopped.

Interesting variety of responses you got for your post!

I forgot to mention that she did ask for oral for a long time after intercourse faded away.  We never could communicate explicitly about sex.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@smallguyone My wife and I communicate about sex quite well I guess. She makes it perfectly clear to me lately what we do and what we don’t do.  My wife often requests oral from me as well,  both vaginally and anally. I always comply and am happy to do so. Sometimes if I ask her to masturbate me and she’s not in the mood to do it she’ll just tell me to do it for myself while she watches. I like having her watch me do it if she won’t do it for me herself. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Decided to come out of lurk mode for this thread.

Allen43 seems to be turning this thread into a SPH fantasy, and that's a shame.  Notice all the references to his dick being tiny, his wife needing a huge one and commanding him to do things for her, etc.  I hate when people do that here.

To everyone else, I believe you and feel for you.  I had no idea that so many men go decades in involuntary sexless marriages.  Sounds terrible.

I am surprised how many guys here are claiming they resort to messing around with other men, in lieu of having sex with their wives.

Why are you turning to men?  If you really want to cheat, why not just find another woman?

I am straight and know I could never find any sexual satisfaction with another dude.  Nothing against guys who are gay or bi, but I just don't get how a straight guy can just turn to men when he's not getting sex from women.

I believe it's unfair for a woman to cut off sex with her husband, even if she's aged and lost desire.  Sex is an important part of all relationships unless both parties don't want it anymore.  Any woman cutting off sex should at least do something to satisfy her man, such as jacking him off.  If she won't do anything, a divorce is in order.  In fact, I wouldn't blame men who cheat under such circumstances.  It's important to communicate your need for sex, and how essential it is to you.  Some men aren't good at doing that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Allen43 seems honest to me.  There is a wide variety of sexual orientations out there.

Do you have small penis issues?  Your moniker "Macro" would seem to indicate not!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, Macro said:

 

I believe it's unfair for a woman to cut off sex with her husband, even if she's aged and lost desire.  Sex is an important part of all relationships unless both parties don't want it anymore.  Any woman cutting off sex should at least do something to satisfy her man, such as jacking him off.  If she won't do anything, a divorce is in order.  In fact, I wouldn't blame men who cheat under such circumstances.  It's important to communicate your need for sex, and how essential it is to you.  Some men aren't good at doing that.

I disagree with your flawed logic. So if my wife has no interest in sex as she ages then according to you I should get a divorce?  So I just throw away 45 wonderful years of marriage for this one reason? I do not know how old you are but you have a lot to learn about love and commitment to another person.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Macro I disagree with your thoughts regarding Allen43.  I have always found his posts to be honest and forthright as well as informative and beneficial to me.  He was responding to the original question and giving us insight into his situation.  For that, I think we should be supportive of him and others on this site, especially when they are going through situations like the one specified in this topic.  Because I react to the world I see through my own eyes and life experiences I may not understand how someone can see the same situation so differently.  That is one of the great things about this site.  I am gaining a whole new perspective and understanding of situations that helped shape who I am and are now helping to reshape who I am because of the input I have received from others.   

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I haven't posted for a while but.....lol. Some years ago I thought of writing a book about MWM (married white male) who posted for sex with a guy on craigslist. I met many of them over lunchtime while at work. All of the guys I met wore their wedding rings. They were generally middle age or a bit beyond and all of them talked a bit about their wives not wanting sex often. I never knew the truth of it all and it didn't matter to me. Our contacts were anonymous, fleeting and mostly satisfying sexually. None of the ones I met seemed to be new at this.None expressed any desire to leave their wives and start a gay life with a guy. My theory was that they found sex with another guy much less threatening to their marriages to say nothing of simpler and less complicated to achieve. So, a good deal all around. I certainly had no interest in breaking up their marriages. It was just good clean fun, figuratively speaking. Sort of on the level of going out for beers together. 

As for Allen43, I've chatted with him and I happen to like him. Whether or not he has a "SPH" fantasy (I forget exactly what that acronym stands for) is something only he knows. And if he does, SO WHAT? This forum is littered with everyone else's fantasies. It's ALL good. We're all entitled to whatever damn fantasies we happen to get off on. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, mike1379 said:

My theory was that they found sex with another guy much less threatening to their marriages to say nothing of simpler and less complicated to achieve.

Sounds perfectly reasonable, hooked up with many a married man.  If they are straight, there is no emotional attachment, its just sexual gratification.  If they cheat with another woman, emotional attachments could develop.
I know many a straight guy, will happily suck cock but never kiss.  KISSING is intimacy, reserved for ones love (wife/hubby) not a sex partner.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We will typically go years between having sex - her choice not mine. I think the last time was 14 months ago, and before that it'd be more than 5 years.

Of course when it does happen, the pressure of the occasion is so much that I can't control things, we have bad sex and then that continues the cycle.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have always been surprised at how people put so much belief that sex is important to a relationship.  I am not saying all people believe this.  I do believe there is a little bit of brainwashing going on in the world by people declaring how important sex is to a relationship.  Personally I think being nice is a bit more important, or giving a hug or telling someone you love them and so on.  I have had so many acquaintances through my life who declare to everyone how amazing their sex life is and how it is so important in their relationships.  Guess what?  Most of them are divorced. Hahahahaha.  The observations I see of friends I have know that are caring to each other in public (and I don't mean a public performance of tongue Zorro going on just to get a reaction from people) or are just generally kind to each other and others seem to be far more content and fulfilled in their lives.  I'm not saying they could be keeping a private dungeon at home but I believe that there is more to life than having sex sex sex all the time.  It is only important if you make it important.  And I hope it really does work for you when all you want is sex sex sex all the time.

I think you may have guessed I have not had intercourse in about five years, and I cannot remember the last time I masturbated.  Even though I have discovered how to have one of those non ejaculatory orgasms through playing with my nipples on occasion, I used to be able to have a full climax by doing this when I was younger but I do believe these orgasms are a bit different.

Currently I know some people through my sons friends at school parents.  They again believe how important sex is and they think they are sex gods and have better sex than anyone that has every existed.  They recently started a mff relationship where they sometimes partner off in twos or on the odd occasion if they feel up for it they have a threeway special.  It has turned into an eastenders Xmas special around their house.  If Jeremy Kyle was still going they would be on it for a special edition.  Wow did that one explode into a public row.  I feel sorry for their son who acts completely oblivious to everything , probably cos he is on fortnite all day.  Yet again an instance where sex seems to be causing more problems than anything else in their lives.

Is not being human supposed to separate us from other life on this planet is our ability to choose and override our instincts and urges?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was in the same situation.  We didn’t have sex for years. Over the last few months though things changed and she’s more open now. We’ve now had sex more in the last two months than the last 5 years or so combined. 

She won’t give me a blow job but we fuck a few times a week now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Very interesting reading....

We've not completely stopped, but we're pretty close to it.  I do believe she'd like it more often, but TBH she's very dry now, and I just don't know how to introduce the suggestion of lubrication (something we've never needed).  She usually doesn't get very wet until I've masturbated her to orgasm at least once, preferably twice - and even then, it's tough.

So, yes, for me it's the shower or days like this when I'm home alone with my hands and the internet.  As for the bisexuality later in life... well, as I've often mentioned, I had no interest in seeing other boys and men naked back when I actually did see other boys and men naked all the time.  It wasn't until after sex at home faded out and I discovered I like seeing not only naked girls and women on the net, but also naked boys and men, that I came to understand that I could be at least bi-curious.  I've heard from so many guys who, like me, came to be interested when they got older.

Whether that's good or bad is not my call to make - but using my hand and computer DOES keep me from cheating on my wife which I hope I never do.  Nothing would make the loss of her worth it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry but I still don't get it.

If you are bi-curious, great for you, I guess.  However a man who is truly straight will find no appeal in sexual activity with another man, and in fact would find the thought of it unappealing!  I know this because it describes me.  This isn't because I am hung up on not wanting to be gay or anything like that.  If I liked men, I would admit it and probably have acted on it by now.  I simply do not find men attractive, the same way full lesbians do not find men attractive.

I do not believe there is such a thing as the straight man who just chooses to mess around with guys for convenience or ease.  That man is not straight.

Regarding Allen43, I am not going to make a big deal about it, but his stories sound like fantasies to me.  If he has fantasies about being humiliated, that's fine, but I would prefer he post them in the fantasy section here and keep it out of serious threads like this.

Finally I would like to comment on the topic of whether sex is important for a healthy relationship.  That is a personal decision.  For some men (and women, as well), sex is not a big deal, and they can do without it.  However, if you're resorting to cheating on your wife with other men because your wife isn't having sex with you, then it sounds like sex IS essential for your relationship!

If your wife loses interest in sex, there's things she can do for you so you are also satisfied.  For example, she could have sex with you anyway, she could jerk you off, she could have you masturbate in front of her, and lots of other things.  It is not fair to tell your husband, "I'm not that into sex anymore, so we're not having it."  The only way it's fair to say this is if it's okay with the wife that her husband gets it elsewhere, but few wives would tolerate that.  Communication is key!  Tell your wife that the lack of sex is harming the marriage greatly, and that something needs to be done.  Cheating (especially with men) isn't the answer!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

22 hours ago, CuriousNow said:

Very interesting reading....

We've not completely stopped, but we're pretty close to it.  I do believe she'd like it more often, but TBH she's very dry now, and I just don't know how to introduce the suggestion of lubrication (something we've never needed).  She usually doesn't get very wet until I've masturbated her to orgasm at least once, preferably twice - and even then, it's tough.

 

Until her hysterectomy my wife produced a great amount of vaginal lubricant.  Always very wet and warm to the touch. After her surgery very little to no natural wetness so she was very adamant about using a lubricant such as K-Y Jelly.  I did like it when she applied the K-Y to my penis which of course made it very erect. I would recommend K-Y as a substitute for natural vaginal lubricant when none to very little is produced because age or a hysterectomy. A year before my wife had a hip replaced sex stopped because her hip was causing a great amount of pain. Fifteen years without any sex at all but I still would never cheat on her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Macro It is funny how you say you dont get it about straight and homosexuality.  I also dont get it.  In a different way though.  I get male and female bodies are different but to me anything sexual in somebody I find attractive is a turn on for me whether it would be male or female but I see people as people not as male or female.  People have tried to put me in the box of being bi but it is not even that.  I can be sexually attracted to anyone I happen to find sexually attractive.  I do not see myself as being bi or any other box really as I see the human body as being pretty much all the same but in different shapes and sizes.  We are all made of the same thing and when I was growing up I felt like I was being forced to choose one sex over the other but I used to see people as being people.  I used to get crushes on any sex and this was also confusing as I was like am I gay or am I straight or am I bi?  And I was never really content being any of those and now I have realised it is not about what is between your legs that attracts me it is about the person.  Whether it be personality or a glance here and there or a nice smile or pretty eyes I do not really know.  There is always chemistry there too.  I fell in love with my wife and I think if she were male I would have fell in love with him too.  If he/she was androgynous I think it would not have mattered to me.  I do tend to overthink things though.  Waffle over again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, argoll said:

I do not see myself as being bi or any other box . . .
. . . am I gay or am I straight or am I bi?  And I was never really content being any of those and now I have realised it is not about what is between your legs that attracts me it is about the person.

The reason for your attraction is unrelated to the body parts, get that, I think most good relationships are much more than body parts.

He is Canadian
He is tall
He is strong
He is bi
He is our president
Boxes? no just simple descriptors.

Lets get back to the basics, before everyone was 'different' and had to create their own terminology
Str8 - sexually attracted to the opposite gender
Homosexual - sexually attracted to the same gender
Bi - sexually attracted to either gender.

Why you are attracted is irrelevant.

Story
Helping a friend one day, fixing his motorcycle (carb problems), he was clueless.
The friend asked "Are you sure you're gay?"  
I asked "What do you mean?"
He says, "Well you're like a regular guy, you don't act gay."
So I asked, "Act gay?"  "Should I swish around and know more about interior decorating than fixing  your motorcycle; a manly thing?"
He put me in a gay "box" and I destroyed his box, educated him if you like.
And yes I fixed the bike.

Several of his friends were there also and only he knew I was gay.  It was a reveal for them....and it became a discussion of gay and stereotypes.
Don't create new boxes, but destroy the erroneous ones.

Another time, one of the females asked, "Who has the nicest butt?"
I said, "May I?" and gave her butt a gentle squeeze.
Then I did the same thing to motorcycle guy and said, "Sorry, I think Winston's ass is much rounder, firmer and nicer."
And Winston remarks, "See I told you I had a nice ass."

My favorite reason for new labels, 'I am not like them.... (THE BOX?). 
Right, you're unique just like the other 7 billion people on the planet.

I am unique so I create a new "box" with its own baggage.
A rose by any other name.....

Edited by RodEnuf
Adjusted quote box for link back to original post.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@canuck45 I'm not sure what you mean and I'm guessing what I wrote could be confusing also. Maybe what I really meant was that society is dictating what we should or shouldn't be. I am quite sure I am not unique as to the way I think and perceive the world. I also believe that our beliefs are not set in stone and we can change over time with different experiences. We tell our children how can they know they do not like something unless they try it first. I know I am not the only person who thinks like this as I speak to similar people like me. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, argoll said:

@canuck45 I'm not sure what you mean and I'm guessing what I wrote could be confusing also. Maybe what I really meant was that society is dictating what we should or shouldn't be. I am quite sure I am not unique as to the way I think and perceive the world. I also believe that our beliefs are not set in stone and we can change over time with different experiences. We tell our children how can they know they do not like something unless they try it first. I know I am not the only person who thinks like this as I speak to similar people like me. 

In my life's experience's I am only sexually attracted to women and their body parts. I do find the male penis very interesting as to all the various variation's in size and how they look. When I was a teenager a few friends and I would jack off together but we never touched each others cocks. Never really even looked at their cocks at least I did not. I would not mind having a jack off buddy at my age but it is more of a fantasy than something that would actually happen.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@argoll 
Talking about "box" - society says this society says that.
I am gay, it merely identifies my sexual proclivity and that is not a box to me. 
My friend that questioned me had his idea of what gay is - and I didn't fit his "box."

Its like saying I am a liberal.....
"box" oh then you must be a militant abortionist..... 
boxes are for foolish people to stick others in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ahh yes. I agree. I think boxes are good if you choose to be in one for support. Being forced into a box or maliciously judged for being in one is not good. I mentioned elsewhere I'm autistic and the parents of my daughters friends at school have judged me to be an unfit parent. I think being a single male also adds to this. I'm pretty sure I'm not that bad, and in the areas I fall I make up for it in others. But that nasty autism box is not good. I would like to go in the nice autism box. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.