Divorced or "Married and no sex at home"?

[RodEnuf]

It seems to me that what is being pointed out is that stereotypes are over-generalizations about the members of a group.  They can't be relied on to predict the characteristics of any particular person.  In fact, many stereotypes don't even describe the majority of the group.  They may reflect only a small but highly visible minority of the group's members.

Alan G

[Guest]

2 hours ago, RodEnuf said:

It seems to me that what is being pointed out is that stereotypes are over-generalizations about the members of a group.  They can't be relied on to predict the characteristics of any particular person.  In fact, many stereotypes don't even describe the majority of the group.  They may reflect only a small but highly visible minority of the group's members.

Alan G

.....or the prejudice of the observer, which I'm sure you left out by accident!

[Red Scott]

Many people simply don't want a label and best describe themselves as "sexually open" I guess many people just don't think they quite fit to certain labels or don't fully identify themselves as straight, gay, bi or anything else for that matter. I have many friends who who say they are simply "open" sexually and publicly declare their sexuality as gay, privately however they can't associate with a given sexuality thus they say they're open to experimentation etc. 

[Guest]

On 5/28/2019 at 3:28 AM, Macro said:

Sorry but I still don't get it.

If you are bi-curious, great for you, I guess.  However a man who is truly straight will find no appeal in sexual activity with another man, and in fact would find the thought of it unappealing!

Well, that was me, to a tee!  When I was younger, I had absolutely no interest in guys.  As I've often said, when I was surrounded by naked guys (school, military, gyms and health clubs) I was totally disinterested.  And I will say that, still today, I feel no emotional connection or attraction to other males.  None.

When I first started spending lots of time during my days with naked boys all around (age 12), I didn't really care; paid little attention to them.  At that same time, I really didn't really care for classical music, either.  Now, though (in my "advanced years"), the baroque era of classic composition is what I enjoy most.  Mozart was truly a genius!  And, oh, it seems that now I can also appreciate seeing naked males.  Tastes evolve.

I believe it was actually before marital sex faded that I came to the realization that I enjoyed seeing not only girls and women naked, but also boys and men.  I just realized that nudity is beautiful.  So, it's an appreciation of the physical beauty of the naked human body.  So, does that make me bi-curious?  Hey, I guess so... I dunno.  But I don't get all worked up about it.

[Guest]

On 5/28/2019 at 1:01 PM, 6INCHES66 said:

Fifteen years without any sex at all but I still would never cheat on her.

Amen, brother!

[canuck45]

@argoll 
Sounds like it's time the school had a presentation on disabilities and improved their education curriculum.

 

[argoll]

@canuck45 Ha. I do believe hell may freeze over before parents partake in that activity. 

[Matty85]

I don't know if this is the same thing as we still technically have sex but about a year ago my wife and I used this strap on/penis extender thing once(significantly bigger than me) and we have pretty much used it every time we have sex now. We will do foreplay and right before penetration about 95% of the time she stops, reaches into her nightstand and pulls out the extender.

I mean I have refused a few times and I can tell shes a little frustrated...but i mean it's not like we aren't having sex at all?  just wanted to vent

[smalldad]

15 hours ago, Matty85 said:

I don't know if this is the same thing as we still technically have sex but about a year ago my wife and I used this strap on/penis extender thing once(significantly bigger than me) and we have pretty much used it every time we have sex now. We will do foreplay and right before penetration about 95% of the time she stops, reaches into her nightstand and pulls out the extender.

I mean I have refused a few times and I can tell shes a little frustrated...but i mean it's not like we aren't having sex at all?  just wanted to vent

Understandable. I'm not quite sure how those things work and I'm doubtful they're any fun for the guy. It seems like an apologetic toy, to me. No offence to anyone that uses them but having a smaller dodger isn't something to apologize for. I'm pretty sure she'd have a problem with strapping on a set of big rubber boobs just cause you like it better than what she has.

I could be wrong though.

our sex life is pretty kaput for now. Since summer when the kids were home all the time we fell out of our new routine of sex on her days off or mornings home. For a while it was awesome! That headboard made a few new marks on the wall to prove it. But like all good things, it just got to be too much to keep up with or we didn't have the privacy we like (we get pretty freaky and loud lol) so it drifted off. I've been ok with my hand though, it's what a guy is used to from early so it's what I do, and enjoy. Jerking off has a lot of extra benefits, like getting fully involved in your own fantasies without distraction when you have that much time. Sex is a nice here and there activity though when you can get it which seems rare for almost every married guy I know, and yes we do complain together.

[Nillywilly]

On 11/1/2019 at 6:17 PM, Matty85 said:

I don't know if this is the same thing as we still technically have sex but about a year ago my wife and I used this strap on/penis extender thing once(significantly bigger than me) and we have pretty much used it every time we have sex now. We will do foreplay and right before penetration about 95% of the time she stops, reaches into her nightstand and pulls out the extender.

I mean I have refused a few times and I can tell shes a little frustrated...but i mean it's not like we aren't having sex at all?  just wanted to vent

As this is your first post I will give you the benefit of the doubt and respond honestly.

If your wife wants you to use the strap on to fuck her, I presume she is climaxing otherwise why would she want it? Well, it’s you making her climax, Matty85 and if you’re getting some help, well so what? Nothing is more exciting than having your wife climax while you are fucking her. Why would you deny her, and yourself, that thrill? Once she’s busted her nut, she takes care of you, right? She lets you cum in her pussy, or she sucks you off or gives you a hot hand job, am I right?

Indulge her. Enjoy that you are providing a satisfying sexual experience for her. A woman who can climax from penetration is a prize.

[Guest]

I have a question. I hope it’s not offensive.

For those of you who don’t have sex with your partner anymore, do you still have any kind of physical contact. Can you caress her bum when she’s washing her face as you walk past, comment on how sexy she looks, touch her breast or stroke her pussy, is there any kind of sexual compliment even going on?

Am genuinely curious if no sex means no sexual references at all, or if you are still getting and giving warm fuzzies but just not acting out the actual sex acts.

I am coming from a place where there are times I can’t be arsed and am not feeling it, but I will still 9 out of 10 times oblique in some way, be it a blow job or a hand job or a fingering or something.

I am a big believer in relationships that don’t hinge on sex at all, it’s one small if sometimes significant part of a great relationship.

But I have found that relationships are mostly about kindness and compromise, and communication and trust.

As an aside  I definitely could never have sex with a woman, I absolutely love them to bits and have a natural affinity towards them, but Ewwww no way could I do anything sexual with one. Perhaps Macro and myself are the opposite ends of the sexuality sliding scale, and that’s totally fine. What’s strange to me is that I can’t understand why you can’t understand that other guys and gals might be different Macro! I hear what you are saying. You are straight and could never fancy a guy. I get that 100% because I am the exact opposite. But I can understand that not everyone feels the same way as I do or looks at life the same or has the same emotional response to me about it. So why can’t you? Am not meaning to come across as criticising you stance, I am just genuinely curious why you can’t see that just because you couldn’t have sex with a guy, that other straight guys could. 

[smalldad]

@Storm11 I don't know about anyone else, but there is some of that for my wife and I. Not a lot because of the kids, but some. Never enough to turn us on and run to the bedroom. By the time it comes around that we can we're both too tired, disinterested or stressed out for some reason or another. It's a timing thing, I guess. If we could do it in the moment like we used to, we'd have a lot more sex!

[6INCHES66]

23 hours ago, Storm11 said:

For those of you who don’t have sex with your partner anymore, do you still have any kind of physical contact. Can you caress her bum when she’s washing her face as you walk past, comment on how sexy she looks, touch her breast or stroke her pussy, is there any kind of sexual compliment even going on?

Great question.

I still caress my wife's ass clothed or naked once in awhile. I watch here dress and undress quite often. I also fondle her breasts now and then. BUT no actual sexual contact for the last 15 years. I occasionally walk around the house naked with my erect penis for her to see.  My sexual outlet is masturbation. I accept her lack of sexual desire and would never cheat on her. As you say warm and fuzzies but no sexual contact.
 

[Guest]

That’s really interesting guys thank you for sharing. We don’t have a lot of sex, we did last week but usually it’s not a lot, but I am always hugging him and touching his cock and feeling his bum and cuddling him at night and wolf whistling at him. It’s been almost 17 years now but I still think he’s sexy. 

[Matty85]

On 11/3/2019 at 1:50 PM, Nillywilly said:

As this is your first post I will give you the benefit of the doubt and respond honestly.

If your wife wants you to use the strap on to fuck her, I presume she is climaxing otherwise why would she want it? Well, it’s you making her climax, Matty85 and if you’re getting some help, well so what? Nothing is more exciting than having your wife climax while you are fucking her. Why would you deny her, and yourself, that thrill? Once she’s busted her nut, she takes care of you, right? She lets you cum in her pussy, or she sucks you off or gives you a hot hand job, am I right?

Indulge her. Enjoy that you are providing a satisfying sexual experience for her. A woman who can climax from penetration is a prize.

I haven't really thought about it that way.  Thanks for the reply. You are probably right

[shooter]

I have zero sex life with my wife. She doesn't allow me to even caress her beautiful butt. Since we have children she get anxious when I start any kind of sexual behaviour to her. She doesn't allow me to sleep naked. I constantly hug her and kiss her but seems she wanna be a mom not a woman. It really saddens me and inside me I've collapsed. It cause me ED problems too. because I think I'm not desireable for sex anymore. I beg her love but seems I'm just alone in this thing.

I don't even enjoy masturbation. 

Thanks for asking this question. I guess this situation has effects on many husbands. Sadly.

[Guest]

On 11/3/2019 at 3:50 PM, Nillywilly said:

As this is your first post I will give you the benefit of the doubt and respond honestly.

If your wife wants you to use the strap on to fuck her, I presume she is climaxing otherwise why would she want it? Well, it’s you making her climax, Matty85 and if you’re getting some help, well so what? Nothing is more exciting than having your wife climax while you are fucking her. Why would you deny her, and yourself, that thrill? Once she’s busted her nut, she takes care of you, right? She lets you cum in her pussy, or she sucks you off or gives you a hot hand job, am I right?

Indulge her. Enjoy that you are providing a satisfying sexual experience for her. A woman who can climax from penetration is a prize.

I wasn't mature enough to think this way at the time this situation arose.  Big mistake.

[smallestpenisever]

She has sex.  I don't.

 

[Macro]

On 11/4/2019 at 11:43 PM, shooter said:

I have zero sex life with my wife. She doesn't allow me to even caress her beautiful butt. Since we have children she get anxious when I start any kind of sexual behaviour to her. She doesn't allow me to sleep naked. I constantly hug her and kiss her but seems she wanna be a mom not a woman. It really saddens me and inside me I've collapsed. It cause me ED problems too. because I think I'm not desireable for sex anymore. I beg her love but seems I'm just alone in this thing.

I don't even enjoy masturbation. 

Thanks for asking this question. I guess this situation has effects on many husbands. Sadly.

 

This isn't an acceptable marriage or life.

You should talk to her and make it clear you won't tolerate this.  If she still won't budge, get a divorce.  Trust me, you will be happier.

[Macro]

On 11/4/2019 at 12:30 AM, Storm11 said:

I have a question. I hope it’s not offensive.

For those of you who don’t have sex with your partner anymore, do you still have any kind of physical contact. Can you caress her bum when she’s washing her face as you walk past, comment on how sexy she looks, touch her breast or stroke her pussy, is there any kind of sexual compliment even going on?

Am genuinely curious if no sex means no sexual references at all, or if you are still getting and giving warm fuzzies but just not acting out the actual sex acts.

I am coming from a place where there are times I can’t be arsed and am not feeling it, but I will still 9 out of 10 times oblique in some way, be it a blow job or a hand job or a fingering or something.

I am a big believer in relationships that don’t hinge on sex at all, it’s one small if sometimes significant part of a great relationship.

But I have found that relationships are mostly about kindness and compromise, and communication and trust.

As an aside  I definitely could never have sex with a woman, I absolutely love them to bits and have a natural affinity towards them, but Ewwww no way could I do anything sexual with one. Perhaps Macro and myself are the opposite ends of the sexuality sliding scale, and that’s totally fine. What’s strange to me is that I can’t understand why you can’t understand that other guys and gals might be different Macro! I hear what you are saying. You are straight and could never fancy a guy. I get that 100% because I am the exact opposite. But I can understand that not everyone feels the same way as I do or looks at life the same or has the same emotional response to me about it. So why can’t you? Am not meaning to come across as criticising you stance, I am just genuinely curious why you can’t see that just because you couldn’t have sex with a guy, that other straight guys could. 

 

Yes, we are on opposite ends.  I am a male who has zero desire to touch another male.  You are a male who has zero desire to touch a female.   I am straight, you are gay.

Yes, I realize there are many people in between our extremes.  I accept that, and that's fine.

My point is that you cannot be straight and then want to mess around with men.  In that case, you are at least bi.  You may be more straight than bi, but still bi.

 

BTW I am not talking about fantasies.  If a straight guy has a gay fantasy but would never consider acting on it (and otherwise does not find himself attracted to men), then he's still straight.  But if you are to the point where you are actually messing around with other men, then yes you are either bi or gay.  Nothing wrong with being bi or gay, but that's what you are in that case.

I think many men are ashamed to admit to being bi, so they say things like, "Oh I'm straight, it's just easier to screw around with guys."  Doesn't work that way.

[canuck45]

@Macro 
Well thats a little bi-polar and simplistic.  How about a guy that just wants a blow job and uses a glory hole....doesn't know the sex of the mouth on the other side.  (Bait Bus videos)
The guy that loves anal stimulation but wife won't use a strapon....

 

3 minutes ago, Macro said:

If a straight guy has a gay fantasy but would never consider acting on it then he's still straight.

Why would a straight guy have these fantasies....
more likely a lot of guys don't act on it because of social "norms" and many do act on it/come out later in life, so they were gay or bi all along.  Their 'fantasy' is just rationalization/denial of the truth.  Suppressed desires.....

[Guest]

I think simplistically there are straight guys that only fancy women, bi guys that fancy men and women, and gay guys that only fancy men. 
 

  It doesn’t really need to be any more complicated than that for sure. However, it’s not for us to tell other people how they should label themselves. We can’t put our own preconceived ideas onto others and expect there to be cases where we don’t know enough about some one else’s feelings or thoughts or opinions on the subject to say categorically that they are wrong and we are right. That’s very narrow minded and conceited. To presume we are never wrong would be the very definition of being wrong. We are all after all only human, and are thus fallible. It’s part of what makes us human. 
 

   Remember it was absolutionist ideologies like this that had people of different skin tones as slaves and second class citizens. That kind of thinking is just plain dangerous. 

[canuck45]

"To presume we are never wrong would be the very definition of being wrong."

You never met my father.....even though I proved I was right and he was wrong 1000000000's of times he was stubborn and never wrong.   
And some people say I take after my father, nothing could be further from the truth, after all he was always wrong and I never was.   

[RodEnuf]

@Macro @canuck45 @Storm11 and everyone else:  Here's some information from the 2005 top post in the Station Identification 0 to 6 forum:

"Station Identification: 0 to 6" -- What does that mean? Zero to six refers to the Kinsey scale of sexual activities:

0 = entirely heterosexual
1 = largely heterosexual, but with incidental homosexual history
2 = largely heterosexual, but with a distinct homosexual history
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = largely homosexual, but with a distinct heterosexual history
5 = largely homosexual, but with incidental heterosexual history
6 = entirely homosexual

Dr. Kinsey, who broke new ground in the study of human sexuality, believed people move up and down the scale during their lifetime. He found this in his own life.

In this forum we discuss this "movement." In all fairness we have to say that a large percentage of str8 and gay people disagree with Kinsey's conclusions. Early discussion focused on the labels "str8," "gay," and if you will, "bi."  Perhaps the greatest accomplishment of the "new media" (Internet) is that it has enabled the promulgation of ideas that the "old media" would not focus on.

Ask anyone what the sexual orientations are, and most will respond, "str8" or "gay."  But an ever-increasing number are recognizing "bi" as a legitimate third orientation.  A smaller number accept the proposition of Kinsey that, like everything else unique about the individual, there are as many different sexual orientations as there are people, and many now believe they are not static.

The Station Identification 0 to 6 forum is the place to discuss all of this -- hopefully without rancor, judgmentalism, or fundamentalism.  As these forums have been around since 2002, you can read what has gone before.  So continue to post replies and start new threads in the forum as you have ideas and questions.

Today we tend to use the Kinsey scale to describe sexual orientation/attraction rather than just as a measure of sexual activity history.  Kinsey introduced the scale to describe the prior sexual activity of his study participants, not their orientation or attraction.  There's lots of discussion of this and related topics in that forum.

Alan G -- Measurection Administrator

[shooter]

@Macro 

Quote

This isn't an acceptable marriage or life.

You should talk to her and make it clear you won't tolerate this.  If she still won't budge, get a divorce.  Trust me, you will be happier.

Well. What should I do? Im in love with her. We have 2 children. 12 and 6 yrs old. 
I dont want to divorce. Ive speak about this with her many times. She promised a change - but it was a broken promise. 

Nowadays Im not into sex intensively like before. Maybe I gave up - maybe I will be asexual. Dont know.