My Experience With Penile Atrophy

[TheOtter]

A terrible phobia for some, the fear one's penis is shrinking irreversibly. My reality.

I was quite content with the size of my penis for the most part. All right, that's not technically true. I would get down on myself and feel inferior sometimes. I remembering looking into jelqing as a young teenager. I knew I was far from hung. I knew a lot of guys had much bigger ones than I had, but I figured that this was the penis I was meant to have. Honestly, it wasn't small. I guess early experiences with pornography (no longer a consumer) lead to my belief that I was below average, though I still felt I was within the "normal" range, albeit on the shorter end. I was embarrassed about my flaccid length and girth. I used to tug on it so that it would appear larger, trying not to get fully boned.

I had a couple of sexual interactions with other guys as an adolescent, and in each case, my penis was the longer, which surprised me, though I was also the thinner in each case. Later I would come to learn when researching clinically measured averages that my penis had actually been above average in length and average in girth. With the ruler pushed in, I was six-and-a-half to seven inches long as a teenager, and a little over 5 inches around. My glans was an average size. I can still remember that amazing feeling of being so aroused and having it physically reflected in my erection. It felt and looked big to me when I was very hard. In those moments I felt adequate. I felt like a man, which is something I very rarely felt in my life. There was a modicum of pride.

I had always had a few endocrine issues, and by my early 20s I had started to develop the symptoms of what would later be diagnosed as an idiosyncratic autoinflammatory disease, an unspecific diagnosis. By around 23-24, I was very ill, and specialists were baffled. I won't get into it here, but I lost my 20s to this illness. It was a terrifying period of my life. Through the course of the acute stages, and on medication, I entirely lost my libido. I had zero sex drive. I had zero arousal. Crucially, I also lost my nocturnal erections. Guys typically have three or four per night, and they serve a function. As they say, "use it or lose it". Regular erections keep the erectile tissues healthy and the smooth muscle sheath supple. Without that regular flow of oxygen-rich blood being supplied to the erectile bodies, the tissues of the penis can actually scar internally, limiting the ability of the penis to reach the same erectile capacity. In essence, the longer you can't get hard, the more your penis will atrophy. I didn't even know to fear it. I didn't think I'd ever have another sexual thought. Along with prostate issues I developed, the loss of libido contributed to quite a massive atrophy. I lost about 2/3" in girth, which is much more significant than it sounds. I've also lost between an inch and three inches of length. My erect length varies considerably these days.

When I began to get better and had my sexual reawakening, I noticed the dramatic atrophy straight away. The first thing I noticed was how utterly different my cock felt in my hand. I had already noticed the flaccid changes, but I suppose i expected my erection would be the same as it had been before the illness. The shape my hand took to grasp my cock was used to a thicker dimension. It was a shocking and hideous sensation to stroke this penis that felt like a child's. It was so narrow, I found it hard to grip, and i was i reminded of how it felt when I first began to masturbate. My technique had to change. I could no longer use my fist. I had to use my finger tips. At this point, my boner was around 3.5"-4" long and very thin and bendable. To this day it still hurts to develop and lose an erection, but less so. It was extremely painful then. I used to try to stay hard longer so that I wouldn't have to feel it shrink. After about a year I started to develop firmer erections and my maximum length became around 4.5". Now it's been about two years and my maximum length has increased to around 6", but this is only around every dozen or so erections. Most of my erections are 4.5"-5.5" and semi-firm. When my prostate acts up or my libido is lower or I have a hormonal shift, my erection will be 4" or under and pliable. This is probably one in ten. My glans never recovered from the atrophy. It's never gotten engorged as it once did, no matter how hard I am, but now it becomes very red again sometimes, instead of pale and cool. I consider my erect length variable as opposed to being "semi-hard" in the typical length because I am able to ejaculate and maintain the erection even when it's much smaller than my rare maximum length. I suppose I consider my erect cock to be 5" long now because that is around my most common erect length. I speak of "bone-pressed" length in these cases. I am a bit overweight, so only around 4" of the 5 are exposed, I guess, depending on my position.

I guess I'll have a lot to share with this forum, but I wanted to share this experience first because I'd like to validate the experience any guy out there who is going through something similar. Penile atrophy is a very real medical concern with a few different causes.

 

[smallgrower]

 Very sorry to hear of all of your medical issues.  You have shared some very interesting, real world experience with penile atrophy.  Not many would share.  It is a good reminder that we all need to "use it".  Stand proud that you have been able to move forward and deal with what life has thrown at you.  It can be overwhelming and for many, they never recover both physically or mentally.  Wish you the best on your continued journey.

[buffalo]

Thanks for sharing your story, TheOtter.  I'm glad some aspects are improving and I wish you continued improvement.

Edited August 7, 2020 by buffalo

[old n hard]

@TheOtter Thank you for sharing what had to  be difficult to put into words.   Some might say my masturbation is out of control for a man my age.  I take use it or lose it very seriously.  Twice a day is not uncommon.  You never know who may need to hear what you've said.  Hope you continue to improve.  

[Bobs yer Uncle]

Sorry to hear about the issues That you’ve had to deal with. The problems I’ve had pale in comparison.

Penile atrophy is 100% real, and I’m convinced that the cessation of nocturnal erections is a big part of it.

Within the last year I’ve spoken with some Doctors and other professionals who apparently don’t regard it as a real phenomenon.

But it is.

if you’re experiencing ED to the degree that you don’t have erections when you sleep at night, or any during the day for that matter, a clock is ticking, get to the Doctor.

I waited over 5 years. Even if I am able to turn it around, I’m looking at needing an implant and having no more than 4” to show for it, best case scenario.

Fortunately, for me, I can live with having to throttle back to 4”, no sweat. But this would be some guy’s worst nightmare.

So, let’s do the math: The cost of an implant, divided by 4”...

Hmmm...

Yeah, that’s it...

A little shy of $10,000 an inch.

[dtw1942]

Here is a link to a penis pump supplier explaining how to maintain a healthy dick when you are unable to generate natural erections:

https://www.augustams.com/how-to-use-a-penis-pump-for-penis-exercise/

[tiny4inch]

Love how others come to the aid 

[Bobs yer Uncle]

Maybe this will be useful to you. Consider it to be a ‘FWIW’.

I had to search some for a urologist that I could feel confident in when I decided to push back against my ED.

I finally did find one and, win, lose or draw I’m going to feel that he gave me the best shot I could get.

One of the first things he did was to try me on ‘the pills’.

At the maximum dosage he would allow (100mg) I had *some* response to Viagra (if you count a 50% chance of getting a 3” semi-chubby that could easily penetrate tapioca pudding a ‘response’)

So pills are a non-starter for me, but it checked that box. And it led down a rabbit hole of tests that confirmed that I have a lot of scar tissue down there and that medications, pills or shots, are probably never going to ‘fix’ my problem.

He told me that, even so, it might be helpful for me to take a ‘prophylactic’ dose of Viagra, at 50mg. a day, to promote blood circulation.

Earlier experiments with a couple of different types of vacuum pumps had given me temporary size increases well beyond what nature ever gave me, that were (almost) as hard as a stick of warm butter. Useless.

I did have to throttle back some from the one a day regime awhile back, I could deal with the weird blue and green color thing, even the runny nose, but the headaches were too much.

So I’m on the honor system now. I take a daily dose of 50mg. up to the point where I start getting the headaches and then I lay off for awhile. Supposedly this is laying the groundwork for a better outcome for an implant, if I make the cut.

But I’ve noticed something *else* in the last month or so...

I’m seeing those 3” semi chubbies, on a random, but increasingly frequent basis. Only about 3~3 1/2” long, but as much girth as I ever had (I swear, maybe even a little more).

My Doctor sees a value in continuing with it, to boost my circulation. He cautions me that it’s NOT going to suddenly morph into a cure, that any ‘cure’ is going to be a PROCESS, not an EVENT.

Maybe your own Doctor would see some value in it, maybe not.

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained!
 

[LBI76]

You might ask your Doc to switch you to Cialis. I take 5mg twice a week. Effects last 3 or 4 days. No headache or stuffy nose (at least for me).

[Bobs yer Uncle]

6 hours ago, LBI76 said:

You might ask your Doc to switch you to Cialis. I take 5mg twice a week. Effects last 3 or 4 days. No headache or stuffy nose (at least for me).

Thanks.

there was some discussion about Cialis, but both my GP and the urologist were fairly frank about it the last time I spoke with them and told me that any advantages would likely be incremental at best.

It’s looking like I may be pulling the trigger on the implant surgery this summer. Not a done deal yet, but apparently do-able.

Again, thanks!