New Uses for an Old Penis

[Tsoren]

Okay, I think all these months of shutdown, lockdown, quarantining, curtailing activities and not getting out much due to COVID is definitely having a major impact on my wife.  And not necessarily in a bad way, in my opinion.

One of the things that I have begun to notice with my wife is that her sense of humor is changing.  It is becoming more like mine.  And you guys all know that basically, a man's sense of humor stops developing after reaching about 9 years old.  Remember those times?  When a fart was probably the funniest thing in the world.  Well, I still think they are funny. But not so with my wife.  Her sense of humor, like all women's, continued to develop and evolve and become quite sophisticated as she grew up.  That is one of the things that separates men from women.  We have the sense of humor of a little boy and their's is extremely developed.  

Well, the times they are a changing.  At least in our house.  Just the other day I got home from golf and was getting ready to shower (due to COVID restrictions, we can no longer use the shower at the golf club).  I stripped down and reached in the shower to get the water going.  My wife comes into the bathroom and grabs ahold of the little guy and says, "Get him nice and clean.  I have plans for him."

After my shortest shower ever, I get out of the shower, with the little guy standing ready and willing.  I hear my wife call out.  She is in the very little room in the bathroom that contains the toilet.  I walk over to the door and look in, she is on the toilet.  She smiles and grabs the little guy and pulls me closer.  She tugs on him gently and he begins to throb in eager anticipation of what may happen next.

Well, both the little guy and I are very surprised as my wife reaches over to grab hold of the three-quarters used roll of toilet paper, and slides the roll over my penis.  She looks quite pleased but tells me to turn so my other side is facing her.  I quickly understand.  We are toilet paper OVER the roll people, and after turning , the paper is hanging properly over the roll.  She grabs the paper and pulls, with the roll spinning around my penis.  She tears off what she needs and says, "I think we found another good use for him."

The little guy and I are still quite dumbfounded, but we both figure any kind of attention is better than no attention.  After wiping and flushing, she takes the roll off the little guy and grabs hold of him, saying, "Follow me."

The next stop is the bathroom counter.  She places a wash cloth over him and nods in approval.  That is replaced by a hand towel.  Again, she is quite pleased. Next is a bath towel.  Now the little guy has really grown fond of my wife and will try to do anything possible to please her.  But the weight and size of the towel is just too much.  He struggles mightily, but just can't hold the bath towel up.  She just shrugs and leads him into the closet.  Voila, we now have a new tie rack.  

Our next stop is the chest of drawers.  Her panties come out and she puts several on him.  This he likes.  Then she tries my underwear.  No big deal, he sees those almost every day.

Then it is to her little jewelry armoire.  The tennis bracelet is rather striking, but she seems to prefer the turquoise bracelet.  She slips it back to the base and pulls my balls through.  She nods her head in approval, grabs ahold of him and leads him out into the kitchen.

She goes wild.  A dish rag.  A dish towel.  Even a small coffee cup.  She slides the little guy through the handle, and he does a rather admirable job holding it up.

She retracts my foreskin and puts a wine cork up agains my glans and slides my foreskin over it.  It manages to hold for a few seconds.  She looks around for more things.  We already know that my penis works extremely well as a Pez dispenser, and for holding M&Ms (they melt in your mouth, not in your foreskin).  But she spots the bowl of trail mix.  Something different.  She puts the bowl in front of me and has me bend over.  She retracts my foreskin and goes after a peanut.  But it is kind of like the arcade games at the stores, where you try to grab the stuffed animal with the claw.  It looks easy, but rarely works.  Same here.  She gave up, but not before retracting and placing a raisin, a chocolate chip and half a peanut on my glans and covering it back up.  I thought it looked a bit grotesque, but she simply shrugged and said, "A little snack for later."

Other things were tried:

1. Sterling silver napkin rings--a very good look
2. Christmas trees balls--red looks better than blue on me
3. Thin red ribbon twirled around--great candy cane look
4. Bows--a very festive look
5. Santa Clause ornament--not bad
6. Reindeer ornament--a little too kinky
7. Angel ornament--No. Wrong.  Very wrong.

After a few more items were tried, we finally retired to the bedroom, where it was discovered that a chocolate chip does not hold up as well as an M&M under my foreskin.  But that wasn't all bad either.  The clean up was very enjoyable for both of us.

I am sure all of you have heard the old saying, "You can't teach an old penis new tricks."--or something like that.  Well I am here to tell you it is a myth.  With the proper encouragement, a willing pupil, and a very, very good teacher, an old penis can learn new tricks.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone.

 

 

[Restoredude]

A friend was helping me decorate my Christmas tree and he insisted on decorating me

https://imgur.com/0ImxlaH

[canuck45]

7 hours ago, Tsoren said:

Christmas trees balls--red looks better than blue on me

No one wants blueballs.

 

[old n hard]

@TsorenA great read for a Christmas morning.  Fortunately, I always made high marks for "plays well with self".  As far as "old penis" goes,  well, let's just say he still behaves like a healthy young man.  I adore your writing style.      @RestoredudeThanks for making the change that allows us to see ALL your pix.  I enjoy them.