What's the weirdest thing you ever put your dick in? (No persons included)

[SloStroker]

2 hours ago, Appreciater said:

This is one reason I find it surprising that some can't understand why the neighbor girl and I were fucking at 9 years old. 

When I was a kid, and I guess well up afterwards, it was pretty much "If it feels good.. do it".

The ingenuity for feeling good with your sex can be pretty inventive when you're wanting it to feel good.

I remember being that age just dying to fuck a girl. I almost did it with the neighbor girl when I was 10yo. She caught me spying on her through her window and threatened to tell her parents if I didn't strip and let her see me. We both ended up naked and I suggested she let me put my penis inside her. She initially said yes, then said no. It didn't happen, but boy did I want it to. 

Years later she got in with the wrong crowd, got on drugs, and ended up pregnant at 15. 

[Franc181]

3 hours ago, Tsoren said:

When I first saw this topic, I read it as “What is the weirdest thing you ever put IN your dick?”  And there was no way I was ever going to read those posts.  Then I caught on to what it really said.

For me, it was a Sockem Bopper.  They were inflatable toys that kids could squeeze their hands into, and then proceed to beat the s$$t out of each other.  I saw them being played with by kids at a friend’s house and being the aspiring engineering student I was, I saw another, far better use for them.  
 

I bought a set, filled one with shaving cream, and went to town.  Dang, did that ever feel good.  I ravaged those poor things.  Later, due to lawsuits, they changed the name to Soccer Boppers.

They came out in the early seventies, and were in the top ten of toys sold.  I know why, too.  

I remember those. My parents thought they were good to get our aggressions out with. My brother and I used to slightly deflate them so you got hit with a fist if you punched hard enough. lol Nover did equate it to a sex toy at the time though. 

[Appreciater]

5 hours ago, NuderThanNude said:

That would have been one of my greatest wishes in life to have sex with youngster bodies. Puberty changed everything. For the worse in my view.

....

.. @NuderThanNude.....Well... I tell you this much, we considered it very much a "fun game"... and really did feel good being connected to each other. ... At that age, with practically a non-existent refractory period... It could be quite an extended part of "play time". 

... Since at 9, I wasn't ejaculating yet, if you-know-who-hadn't pre-spermed her somewhat earlier.. (which was made her well lubricated), it worked out well that I was uncircumcised. Even though if not pre-slicked, with what moisture that there was inside her, once I was in there.. with my foreskin and shaft skin, it's still allowed for great movement inside her.   ... In a way, this was even more of an incentive to stay connected inside her longer, and not take any breaks. 

Of course in all of our actions together, it was cool that we were neither one the least bit embarrassed having sex with each other, and it was all done totally carefree for the shear pleasured fun of it for each other.   We more or less grew up together, with sexual show and tell.. and all of this was just totally natural for us to fall into this kind of routine.  ...  Once in a while, I do wish I could go back and be a little kid again for a while.  😄

[Restoredude]

Flour tortilla https://freeimage.host/i/qoD5hwQ

[Franc181]

1 hour ago, Restoredude said:

Flour tortilla https://freeimage.host/i/qoD5hwQ

Almost like the hot dogs in buns on a platter and one is a penis! love it!

 

[toadfish327]

9 hours ago, Restoredude said:

Flour tortilla https://freeimage.host/i/qoD5hwQ

Looks like it comes with its own hot sauce!

[I Didnt Grow Much]

12 hours ago, Tsoren said:

When I first saw this topic, I read it as “What is the weirdest thing you ever put IN your dick?”  And there was no way I was ever going to read those posts.  Then I caught on to what it really said.

For me, it was a Sockem Bopper.  They were inflatable toys that kids could squeeze their hands into, and then proceed to beat the s$$t out of each other.  I saw them being played with by kids at a friend’s house and being the aspiring engineering student I was, I saw another, far better use for them.  
 

I bought a set, filled one with shaving cream, and went to town.  Dang, did that ever feel good.  I ravaged those poor things.  Later, due to lawsuits, they changed the name to Soccer Boppers.

They came out in the early seventies, and were in the top ten of toys sold.  I know why, too.  

Tsoren, man, I wish they had Sockem Boppers back when I was young. We only had Rock’em, Sock’em Robots, and they certainly were no help in this area.

Wow, I never thought of toys as weird. So, here is Round 2.

Play-Doh - the first, but not the best. My recommendation, “Don’t waste your time, save it for the Silly Putty.”

Silly Putty - Play-Doh was for babies, but lightly veg oiled S.P. was for dicks, or at least 2nd or 3rd grade dicks when we started. I have no idea how many dry-jacks we had with that stuff, but let’s just say we abused the poor S.P. horrifically. We had to use vegetable oil until we were old enough to produce our own lubrication, which certainly was more tantalizing, but this was a perennial favorite. We put quite a few of them together and created a two person Pocket Rocket long before we knew what that was. Two of us could go at the same time, and it was a little piece of heaven, in your hands, and on your dick. With my small dick, I always preferred to go first and second, before Rick and Dean would use it simultaneously and warp it out of shape with their schlongs. We even used it a few times as adults for old times sake. Our early silly putty was always that drab beige color, but as adults, it came in different colors. Dean’s favorite color was purple when he was little, but then something like Aqua, so we ended up with green. As kids we talked about writing on our dicks to see if the S.P. would pick up the writing, like a newspaper, but it seemed like too much of a hassle to try. The first time, or the thousandth time, it was definitely at the top of our list for “fun toys,” along with a couple of other things. My recommendation, “Run, don’t walk, your fingers to AMAZON, buy a few, mash them together, and go to town on your own bad self.” Even better if you have a partner.

Hot Wheel’s Track - Ready, Set, Race! As you may have guessed by now, or maybe not, again with a little veg oil, it became a two sided race to see who lost his load first, with the added benefit of a surface to see length and volume. Just think of it as a math and science experiment all in one. We never received school credit for it, but for some reason we just kept repeating the experiment over and over. After all, practice does make perfect. Rick’s and Dean‘s length give then an unfair 3.5” or so length advantage to start out, but I held the top 10 volume and distance records. We had no way to measure volume, so we just eyed it. I named this one the “Fast Track.” My recommendation, “If you can find the stuff, and have a partner, race on!”

Boxing Gloves - at some point in Rick’s dad’s life he had learned to box, and taught Rick. We were playing around with his dad’s old leather boxing gloves and Rick said he had to oil them. Dean’s face lit up like a flood light, and his idea was forever knows as the “Old Leather Friends.” It just so happens that an oiled up boxing glove curls just right, and with the suppleness provided by whatever oil it was, which had a somewhat natural but not off-putting smell, we would go as many rounds as we could, if you know what I mean. The secondary lubrication was quite nice, and we always switched gloves between rounds. We had to be careful to clean them so his dad wouldn’t notice, but they were already having oiled, so it was an easy cleanup. My recommendation, “Ding, ding, ding, put on your gloves, Let’s get ready to rumble.”

OK, this next once wasn’t actually a toy, but we turned into one before using it for more enjoyable projects.
Rubber Car Hoses - my dad’s hobby was fixing up old convertible Mustangs, and selling them for what at the time seemed like a small fortune. We took the old hoses and began making our own marble course, kind of like the game Mousetrap, if anyone remembers that. So, my dad started picking up more of them at junkyards where he would look for spare parts. We had quite a few different sizes, and it wasn’t too long before my dad knew what we were doing with them, and just laughed. So, with a little veg oil, we made “fun hoses for our fun hoses.” My recommendation, “There was, and now are, many softer surfaces, so don’t try it unless you’re just looking for a little variety. Stick with the Silly Putty.”

[CameronInFl]

On 7/8/2026 at 8:02 AM, JasonBeam said:

I'm pretty sure you can buy kits to create a mold of your own penis. I would like to look into that, seems like a fun thing to do . . . 

Wow, that sounds like a cool thing to do. It would be fun if a bunch of us could get together and sit around and do that.

[The Jester]

On 7/8/2026 at 4:44 PM, Appreciater said:

....

I have put my dick in a lot of strange places and things in my life.  Lol. ...  

I would say that out of all of them, the one inanimate object that was the most unusual regularly used that I enjoyed many times as a young teen... Was a Tree ... out on the edge of an open field on a sloping hill with a view two miles around the countryside. 

When I happen to be out alone, it was one of my fun places to strip off and have some good times.

That tree had a knothole in it the perfect height, the perfect depth, the perfect diameter.  And with my repeated full breeding, worked into a great feel.  It became a "well-polished"  fine piece of wood.  Lol

I guess this brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "I've got wood"!🤣

[I Didnt Grow Much]

On 7/7/2026 at 11:18 PM, Franc181 said:

I will start. When I was younger, these toys were sold everywhere. I descreetly bought mine at a local conveinience store. Loved lubing it up and wrapping a hand towel around it so it wouldnt get away! Used it as a simulated Fleshlight , even before it was a thing. Water wigglers/snakes. Comes in many sizes , even finger size like mine!

I still haven’t heard from Franc181 regarding whether or not the die in the Wigglers would dye their dicks.

[I Didnt Grow Much]

On 7/8/2026 at 10:44 AM, Appreciater said:

....

I have put my dick in a lot of strange places and things in my life.  Lol. ...  

I would say that out of all of them, the one inanimate object that was the most unusual regularly used that I enjoyed many times as a young teen... Was a Tree ... out on the edge of an open field on a sloping hill with a view two miles around the countryside. 

When I happen to be out alone, it was one of my fun places to strip off and have some good times.

That tree had a knothole in it the perfect height, the perfect depth, the perfect diameter.  And with my repeated full breeding, worked into a great feel.  It became a "well-polished"  fine piece of wood.  Lol

Appreciater, is your dick made of steel? I was chafed by oiled up soft foam rubber, so I’m sure that if I ever put my dick in a tree, I would probably pull out a shorter stub than I already have.

[JasonBeam]

Kind of surprised no one has mentioned putting a hole in a watermelon and fucking that. I wanted to try that, but I honestly didn't want to ruin it, watermelons are quite the treat, especially in the south . . . 

 

P.S.  My dad used to sprinkle salt on his watermelon, it seemed weird to me, but I have to admit it tastes pretty good.

[Appreciater]

12 minutes ago, I Didnt Grow Much said:

Appreciater, is your dick made of steel? I was chafed by oiled up soft foam rubber, so I’m sure that if I ever put my dick in a tree, I would probably pull out a shorter stub than I already have.

...

Lol ..  It was amazingly textured from the start when I found it.  ..  I was very careful to examine it and be sure there were no critters of any type inside it.  The dimensions just happened to be just right for mine, and was way too tempting not to try it out.  ..  I was very careful when I first started out, but after repeated use and being polished inside with loads of my sperm...

It turned out to be a very good fitting personally bored out sperm polished fuck tree.  😁.  ...  Luckily, the only bites I ever got being naked and fucking that tree, was some mosquito bites now and then. 👍. Since it was more out in the open by the edge of that sloping hillside pasture field, there weren't too many mosquitoes around.

....

Several years ago I ran across this picture online and it immediately made me remember MY tree.  😄

...

[Barein10tions]

On 7/9/2026 at 1:37 PM, 6INCHES66 said:

Just watched the commercial for that toy. Never saw them back in the day.

I had lots of those. They never lasted long, and popped pretty easy if you put body weight on em.

[Tsoren]

13 minutes ago, Barein10tions said:

had lots of those. They never lasted long, and popped pretty easy if you put body weight on em.

You needed to be more gentle with them.  LOL.  Caress them, whisper sweet nothings into them.  Take them out to dinner.  And in your case, you would need to ease your way into them with your big one.  Then they may have lasted longer.  

[Franc181]

4 hours ago, I Didnt Grow Much said:

I still haven’t heard from Franc181 regarding whether or not the die in the Wigglers would dye their dicks.

LOL no it didn't. the liquid was captured in the sleeve. It literrally was so hard to handle. it slipped out of your hand when you grasp it. I never popped one to see what the liquid was and if it had dye in it. I'm sure it was just water and dye  but I never got any on my dick. !! Lube was on my dick and cum later . lol

[Franc181]

4 hours ago, JasonBeam said:

Kind of surprised no one has mentioned putting a hole in a watermelon and fucking that. I wanted to try that, but I honestly didn't want to ruin it, watermelons are quite the treat, especially in the south . . . 

 

P.S.  My dad used to sprinkle salt on his watermelon, it seemed weird to me, but I have to admit it tastes pretty good.

I have tried a cantalope. I too felt that it was wasted after i used it. Watermellon with salt and beer with salt. But not cantalope with salt. lol

 

[I Didnt Grow Much]

Who doesn’t put salt on watermelon and cantaloupe? Like most sweet things, the salt enhances and balances the flavor. Try baking without salt and see what it tastes like.

[Franc181]

2 minutes ago, I Didnt Grow Much said:

Who doesn’t put salt on watermelon and cantaloupe? Like most sweet things, the salt enhances and balances the flavor. Try baking without salt and see what it tastes like.

I will have to try cantalope with salt then! maybe a penis with salt. lol

[I Didnt Grow Much]

Trying watermelon and cantaloupe never sounded as good as a big old Jell-O mold. For those who want to try it at home, see if your mother or grandmother has old boxes of Jell-O in crappy flavors you don’t like (orange, lemon, etc., mix it up, child it, and go to town on it. It’s another one that is a great two or three way friend activity. Just make sure you let it sit out until it reaches closer to room temperature before you try it. That way it’s softer, and you don’t get freezer burn on your dick. Ha!

[I Didnt Grow Much]

5 minutes ago, Franc181 said:

I will have to try cantalope with salt then! maybe a penis with salt. lol

Those are often somewhat naturally salty, but I guess if whipped cream works, why not try salt? We’ve done Hershey’s chocolate syrup a few times, and it’s an interesting twist.

Edited July 10 by I Didnt Grow Much
Unstuck two words that were stuck together.

[bc_cpl]

Quote

What's the weirdest thing you ever put your dick in? (No persons included)

What if that person is yourself? Difficult to do, but I did accomplish it when I was in better shape than I am now and wasn't packing a bit of extra padding. 

Gives a whole new meaning to "go F yourself". 😂

[I Didnt Grow Much]

7 minutes ago, Franc181 said:

I will have to try cantalope with salt then! maybe a penis with salt. lol

In fact, if you want great watermelon, you have to go back to the ones with the black seeds because they had so much more flavor. The ones called “seedless” have seeds anyway, and the flavor is crapped out.

[Appreciater]

4 hours ago, JasonBeam said:

Kind of surprised no one has mentioned putting a hole in a watermelon and fucking that. I wanted to try that, but I honestly didn't want to ruin it.....

....

I must admit I have fucked a few watermelons in my life, just for the hell of it.  .. Lol.  (Warm ones, not cold) 

By the way, fucking a watermelon doesn't ruin it, it's still very edible.  .. 😉👍

[Barein10tions]

7 hours ago, Tsoren said:

You needed to be more gentle with them.  LOL.  Caress them, whisper sweet nothings into them.  Take them out to dinner.  And in your case, you would need to ease your way into them with your big one.  Then they may have lasted longer.  

Let me tell you a short story about a blow up doll I got for a Birthday gift from my older sister. . . It to did not last long. But I took pictures LOL.