Toy-induced Dysphoria

[Ariloulaleelay]

Updated 
 

My original intent with this post was to talk about expectations of size evident in the toy industry - and others, really - that may cause dysphoria.

What people usually think of when they hear this is dildo-cock comparison of length/girth.   While this is surely one way to do so, at some point, your mind can separate what's realistic and not.   There're 12" dildos out there ... but there aren't many 12" people    More harsh of a reality, I find, is one where the size is realistic, but just well beyond your own.   A 7" toy with respectable girth would be more humbling than a 13" toy for that reason.

More subtle, I find, are secondary comparisons one might not make right away.   The "standard" form of a condom being too voluminous for you.   Cockrings being too loose.   Recently, I got a prostate massager, and the ring that goes around your whole package didn't feel as secure as it probably should have.   These items aren't tailored to one size, but they're designed to accommodate who manufacturers consider a reasonable lower bound and almost everyone above.   Attempting to use these items, finding they don't work for you, and realizing it's because you're statistically far enough beneath the norm to be not worth considering from an industrial scale is ... not the best feeling.   Worse still if you spent time and money deciding on what to buy and getting it.

I was wondering what peoples' experiences in this area were and what their coping mechanisms are.   Many thanks!

@canuck45, this was the intended first post if you can make the substitution.   Thanks!
DONE and post inquiring what he meant are gone....

[JasonBeam]

5 hours ago, The Jester said:

Do you mean dysphoria induced by dildos being bigger than your penis!?

Bad enough our egos get bruised when we compare ourselves to other humans, now we have to feel bad comparing ourselves to inanimate objects?

Hopefully the OP will return and post what he intended . . . . 

[Pumpkin Eater]

The way my wife reacted to a large toy gave my dysphoria about my penis.  She reacted the way I always wanted her to react to penetrative sex with me.

[bc_cpl]

On 7/10/2026 at 4:10 AM, The Jester said:

Yes. It's actually quite an interesting topic. We had quite a few of them, of various sizes, and I did often compare myself to them it's true.

Then of course there's the whole "size of sex toys v real (average sized) dicks" thing...

Interestingly, from a study: 

Quote

Popular sex toy distributers offer a variety of product sizes. The length of many vibrators and dildos was sized between 4 and 6 in, and circumference was between 4 and 5 in.

So at least amongst females, they're not looking for donkey sized toys.

Link to the article: 

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25631708/#:~:text=The length of many,4 and 5 in.

[JasonBeam]

12 hours ago, Ariloulaleelay said:

My original intent with this post was to talk about expectations of size evident in the toy industry - and others, really - that may cause dysphoria.
I was wondering what peoples' experiences in this area were and what their coping mechanisms are.   Many thanks!

 

 

 

This is a very interesting topic, thank you for posting it. 

I want to look at this from a slightly different angle. I think there's a difference (or maybe the word is disconnect) between what someone wants (or enjoys) seeing visually and what they want to feel (or experience) when the item/object is used. I guess I've referring to things like dildos (specifically thinks you would insert into your body). I don't see this as something to feel bad about. 

A woman (or man) might enjoy seeing a picture of an 8 inch, girthy dildo, and have an idea in their head as to how pleasurable that would be, but when they actually use it, they may find that, for whatever reason, it doesn't feel anywhere as good as they expected. 

I'm not sure if that was the point you were getting at. These sex toy manufactures create products designed to appeal to the eye, so they sell a lot of them. I'm not sure if there's much consideration as to what the customer's experience is when the product is actually used.

[Appreciater]

....

Over the years seeing all sizes of dildos in adult stores, they were interesting to look at.  When it comes to using them, I think maybe some people would like to experiment with a different sizes, and possibly narrow it down to what they like or don't compared to the visual.

As far as it making me feel bad about my own size, whether larger or smaller fake dicks... viewing them did not have any affect on my feelings about my own equipment.

[Barein10tions]

4 minutes ago, Appreciater said:

....

Over the years seeing all sizes of dildos in adult stores, they were interesting to look at.  When it comes to using them, I think maybe some people would like to experiment with a different sizes, and possibly narrow it down to what they like or don't compared to the visual.

As far as it making me feel bad about my own size, whether larger or smaller fake dicks... viewing them did not have any affect on my feelings about my own equipment.

I remember telling my wife she can have all the toys she wants, as long as they were no larger then mine. I was worried she would go to big and loose tightness. She had no problem with the my request.

[JasonBeam]

39 minutes ago, Barein10tions said:

I remember telling my wife she can have all the toys she wants, as long as they were no larger then mine. I was worried she would go to big and loose tightness. She had no problem with the my request.

I don't know if your wife has given birth, but a baby's head is a heck of a lot larger than a penis. I see your request as more of an ego thing. From the women I've talked to and been with, none of them actually inserted anything into them save perhaps a finger or two. Most women who use a vibrator don't generally insert it; they mostly press it against their vulva. 

[Barein10tions]

59 minutes ago, JasonBeam said:

I don't know if your wife has given birth, but a baby's head is a heck of a lot larger than a penis. I see your request as more of an ego thing. From the women I've talked to and been with, none of them actually inserted anything into them save perhaps a finger or two. Most women who use a vibrator don't generally insert it; they mostly press it against their vulva. 

Well I don't personally know any girlfriend I have ever had or woman I have talked to that hasn't inserted a vibrator or dildo. That's what they buy them for. And yes we had 3 kids and she always returned to original tightness. Was it ego? No, she was always tight and proud of it. Like I said It was agreed upon mutually by both of us.

[canuck45]

Worked in an adult store for 10 years.
We had from 3" slim dildo/vibrators to monstrous 10x8
Most popular vibrators 5-7" and remember that's not inserted fully, have to hang on to something.
and dildos 5-6x4
 

[still_too_small]

https://www.ebay.com/itm/127293813161?var=428399414333

I've had the experience of buying the cock sleeve above and not being able to fill out the interior of the tube. That's humbling.

[JasonBeam]

7 hours ago, still_too_small said:

https://www.ebay.com/itm/127293813161?var=428399414333

I've had the experience of buying the cock sleeve above and not being able to fill out the interior of the tube. That's humbling.

I guess I'm a bad judge of size, but that thing visually looks huge. My penis would just about get to the start of the glans .. maybe.

[Appreciater]

51 minutes ago, JasonBeam said:

I guess I'm a bad judge of size, but that thing visually looks huge. My penis would just about get to the start of the glans .. maybe.

Lol.....  It does say Huge.   😄

[canuck45]

M
Total Length: 17.6CM/6.93''
Weight:126.2g
Sleeve Dia:4.5CM/1.77''  (5.5 girth)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
L
Total Length: 21.5CM/8.46''
Weight:209.2g                                                                                 
Sleeve Dia:5.5CM/2.17''   (6.8" girth)

[Appreciater]

26 minutes ago, canuck45 said:

M
Total Length: 17.6CM/6.93''
Weight:126.2g
Sleeve Dia:4.5CM/1.77''  (5.5 girth)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
L
Total Length: 21.5CM/8.46''
Weight:209.2g                                                                                 
Sleeve Dia:5.5CM/2.17''   (6.8" girth)

...

That would make most women's eyes open up, as well as another spot.   

[Gezr69]

1 hour ago, canuck45 said:

M
Total Length: 17.6CM/6.93''
Weight:126.2g
Sleeve Dia:4.5CM/1.77''  (5.5 girth)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
L
Total Length: 21.5CM/8.46''
Weight:209.2g                                                                                 
Sleeve Dia:5.5CM/2.17''   (6.8" girth)

The Large is Pretty Much what I Wear with My Wife.

Can't be worn Alone, as the inner size is too big, but discovered I'd always need a smaller base sleeve many years back.
Sure I Get it that I'm even too small to wear most of the common sleeves, but I've got the solution & all's from there.

[Caleb LoShem]

We have toys that are average sized, and some that are much larger. But with me being abit over 3&1/2 inches hard, I am, and have been,  well aware that most toys, and most other guys cocks, are much larger than me. Because I LOVE being a much smaller than average guy, I am okay with that.  Its even become a turn on for me. C LS 

[Ariloulaleelay]

On 7/16/2026 at 11:26 AM, JasonBeam said:

This is a very interesting topic, thank you for posting it. 

I want to look at this from a slightly different angle. I think there's a difference (or maybe the word is disconnect) between what someone wants (or enjoys) seeing visually and what they want to feel (or experience) when the item/object is used. I guess I've referring to things like dildos (specifically thinks you would insert into your body). I don't see this as something to feel bad about. 

A woman (or man) might enjoy seeing a picture of an 8 inch, girthy dildo, and have an idea in their head as to how pleasurable that would be, but when they actually use it, they may find that, for whatever reason, it doesn't feel anywhere as good as they expected. 

I'm not sure if that was the point you were getting at. These sex toy manufactures create products designed to appeal to the eye, so they sell a lot of them. I'm not sure if there's much consideration as to what the customer's experience is when the product is actually used.

There's definitely a difference between what sounds good in the moment and what provides the best experience.   10" is fun to look at for most people, but it's not going to be the most enjoyable thing to actually use for that same group.   2" has the same problem in the second category, yet also has the shortcoming of not being as much eye candy in the first category for most.   Consequently, if companies are producing with the first category in mind, they'll certainly avoid the small end.

 

I'm sure there are exceptions - CLS enjoys being smaller than average, for example.   

 

When buying shirts, S, M, L, XL, XXL, ... are easy to find.   Wish it were the same for toys.

[JasonBeam]

47 minutes ago, Ariloulaleelay said:

There's definitely a difference between what sounds good in the moment and what provides the best experience. When buying shirts, S, M, L, XL, XXL, ... are easy to find.   Wish it were the same for toys.

Yes, but it seems to me that human tolerances are much more precise than shirts. almost as if a human might need a custom-built object. As if a girth of 5.2 wouldn't be enough, but a girth of 5.6 would be too much. And I wonder about the point of putting pronounced veins on them, is that just to enhance the visual appeal, do people (men or women) actually feel that enhancement, or is that done solely to enhance the visual appeal, so they sell more?

[Barein10tions]

2 minutes ago, JasonBeam said:

Yes, but it seems to me that human tolerances are much more precise than shirts. almost as if a human might need a custom-built object. As if a girth of 5.2 wouldn't be enough, but a girth of 5.6 would be too much. And I wonder about the point of putting pronounced veins on them, is that just to enhance the visual appeal, do people (men or women) actually feel that enhancement, or is that done solely to enhance the visual appeal, so they sell more?

It's purely marketing appeal, I read somewhere that the veins on a real penis can't be felt there just not firm enough.

[The Jester]

10 hours ago, Barein10tions said:

It's purely marketing appeal, I read somewhere that the veins on a real penis can't be felt there just not firm enough.

I'm not so sure in10. I distinctly remember a young lady-I think it was on the thundersplace,- who called herself "frog" (the handle denoted the range of  her carnal experience with men I believe). She said that she believed rock hard prominantly veined cocks around 6"-no larger-with reasonable girth, provided the ultimate sexual experience for a woman. Bigger ones without such has all proved dissaponiting😪

Of course you could say it was all in her mind, but that was her  that was her take on it. Who are we to argue?.

On 7/16/2026 at 5:02 PM, Barein10tions said:

I remember telling my wife she can have all the toys she wants, as long as they were no larger then mine. I was worried she would go to big and loose tightness. She had no problem with the my request.

When I first read this, I was thinking "well, there can't be that many 10+inch dildos out there anyway!".But glancing at your profile stats, you seem "only' to be about my own size 10!.

We had a small collection too, to have fun with, some which were just for clitoral play (as mentioned, see below), some for the other end as it were, and some where shared...

And they were all smaller, as with you yes,

Of the realistic ones, one was 5.45x5 (marketed at 6!), non vibrating, One 6.25×5.25, vibrating, with a bend in it, and the biggest and most realistic was 7x6 (marketed at 6!) modeled on a real black guys cock I believe.

I don't often talk about my own dick/ size here, as it can cause upset for some. However, I know some are interested ( also, we bigger people can't help are endowment-any more than the smaller guys here can, and we are supposed not to hide who we are in the community so..)

The bigger one was at least an inch shorter, but was quite girthy for the length..at least 6", measured across from the top horizontally, and vertically: basically a cylinder. But strangely, mine is a kind of an oval in section, so measured that way it seemed thinner, but straight down from the top, it was at least as thick!.

My cock head is bigger: longer, and at least as wide (as the toy was) as its of the moderate 'mushroom' type.

Things are complicated further now, as my dick has become more curved ( this explains my profiles inconsistency).

Not boasting or bragging here-I don't think my being big makes me better/better in bed, more manly etc, than anyone else. Just stating the facts re my penis size..

On 7/10/2026 at 8:41 AM, Ariloulaleelay said:

  More harsh of a reality, I find, is one where the size is realistic, but just well beyond your own.   A 7" toy with respectable girth would be more humbling than a 13" toy for that reason.

 

Which is just the size I've been talking about, but you see this is what I find hard to understand.

To me what is humbling sexually to me, is someone who is more dominant than me sexually (yes I know ow thar word is yet another thing some react to, preferring the terms giver/reciever, passive/active etc, but much of this is semantics). I just don't see how this is linked to size..

On 7/16/2026 at 5:49 PM, JasonBeam said:

From the women I've talked to and been with, none of them actually inserted anything into them save perhaps a finger or two. Most women who use a vibrator don't generally insert it; they mostly press it against their vulva. 

This is exactly the arguments which I used many years ago, suggesting a small 4 inch toy meant for clitoral stimulation represented the ideal for a woman, as the female orgasm was centred in the clitorus and all the talk about the cervix, A spot and deep penetration/orgasm (which has just kicked of yet again here again of course)  was a fiction!.

There was quite a heated debate involving a famous woman member and others, and eventually Alan (Rod) had to lock the thread!.

On 7/16/2026 at 4:26 PM, JasonBeam said:

This is a very interesting topic, thank you for posting it. 

 

As do I, and it is indeed.

In fact several of the founders/founding members, not just Adrian, (Cannuck) worked in adult stores...

Edited July 19 by The Jester

[Appreciater]

....

There are those, though I'm not saying a large percentage at all, in fact probably quite a small percentage of both Women and Men who yearn to be Deeply Impaled. ..  They do seek men with huge endowments, and dildos beyond life like.  ...  Whether from the psychological aspect, or the physical aspect, or a combination of both.. they can orgasm from being extremely impaled and stretched to the limits. 

This is as old as time in knowing there were some who indulged in exaggerated sizes.  ..  including leading to the presumed myth of Catherine the Great dying while being fucked by a horse when it collapsed on her.

 ... 

Just because there are those who like this, seek this, and in seeing and knowing this... does not make me dysphoric about my own equipment.

Edited July 19 by Appreciater
Voice to print mistake..

[The Jester]

3 minutes ago, Appreciater said:

....

the presumed myth of Catherine the Great dying while being fucked by a horse when it collapsed on her

Did this really happen though AP, or is it, as you suggest, just another myth/apocryphal?.

P.s.Thanks for pm, will reply when I have time .

[JasonBeam]

In the course of this thread, I've probably overstepped my bounds as to what women (or men) want. Again, I can only relate what my personal experiences have been, and those have been, decidedly, unique. I've only been with 2 women in the last 24 - 25 years, and those were very long-term relationships, 10 - 12 years each. 

Edited July 19 by JasonBeam
grammar

[Appreciater]

38 minutes ago, JasonBeam said:

In the course of this thread, I've probably overstepped my bounds as to what women (or men) want. Again, I can only relate what my personal experiences have been, and those have been, decidedly, unique. I've only been with 2 women in the last 24 - 25 years, and those were very long-term relationships, 10 - 12 years each. 

...

Everyone has an opportunity to express their own thoughts and life experiences on the forums.  ...  That's what's so good about this place.  👍