Struggling with SPH

[Pumpkin Eater]

On 8/16/2026 at 9:38 PM, I Didnt Grow Much said:

Why did my penis have to get hard?

That was a tough one for me in a far less traumatic experience--pointed to as proof of who or what I was or should be in the group.  Lead me to accept for a time the unacceptable position in a group.

Edited August 20 by Pumpkin Eater

[Pumpkin Eater]

On 8/18/2026 at 7:40 PM, Appreciater said:

...

Better that they be banned all together. 

The Greeks are probably rolling in their grave at them using their alphabet.

But we have to recognize that fraternity behavior reveals something universal and DISGUSTING about human nature.

[Pumpkin Eater]

On 8/18/2026 at 8:16 PM, NuderThanNude said:

For sure!

Rumor has it they were even more extreme in such activities based on their warrior culture!

[NuderThanNude]

2 hours ago, Pumpkin Eater said:

But we have to recognize that fraternity behavior reveals something universal and DISGUSTING about human nature.

I for one take exception to that statement. That isn't the nature of humans. The nature of humans is survival and happiness. Philosophy is the code that teaches people how to accomplish that. What you describe is the nature of 'society' which is built on false philosophies.

The character of humans is formed by their teaching, surroundings and that of other people that act as examples which determines how they develop from infancy to adulthood.

Fraternal behavior is too often built on greed, a desire to take pleasure from controlling others and seeing them suffer. Misery loves company!

 

 

 

[I Didnt Grow Much]

On 8/18/2026 at 7:47 AM, NuderThanNude said:

I Didnt Grow Much - I know you weren't looking for comments of advice and it appears you just needed to get that off your chest so others can understand you better - and I get that. Nevertheless, I cannot help but think about what you went through and try to relate it to my own experiences.

Does your name and phrases like, “slow on the uptake,” “uniquely self-absorbed,” and “talks much more than he listens,” often appear in the same sentence together?

I had no need to share, certainly not vent, any of that until I saw what was being said/who was being accused. Maybe I missed the mark somehow in my previous posts under this topic, but writing the post with so many of my questions felt solemn, humbling, and unwanted yet necessary. In fact, I’ve never told anyone that without feeling the same way. None of the questions make me mad with any need to vent. To me, they are still an extremely painful and private part of me, since no one here actually knows me.

Making sure that I am less subtle and more direct this time, it galls me that people would post here and blame a person who has suffered so severely, as was the topic of the first post, for putting themselves in that position, or not leaving once it started. It should be clear to everyone that the need for camaraderie/companionship offered by a fraternity overrode what should’ve been a natural inclination to run as fast and as far as possible. Even more unfortunate, when someone seeks out a place to be abused and the people to be abused by. I’ve read a number of stories on the site about guys who regularly hung out with others who would abuse them verbally, physically, and sexually, all because they at least felt like they were a part of something.

My questions were an attempt to try to help everyone understand the types of things that go through the minds of young guys who were abused. The questions certainly differ from victim to victim, but at the core they are the same: Was it my fault?, Why was I the victim?, Why didn’t I/couldn’t I stop it?, Why didn’t anyone help me?, Am I still a man/Can I be a man?, Am I less of a man?, Why am I so confused?, Will I ever get better?

As mentioned in the example of the fraternity situation, it is very common among those abused to have visceral reactions to intellectual and emotional triggers. If I don’t stop myself from thinking about it, I can feel the cold of the floor tiles on my back, my heart racing, I start crying, and the overwhelming emotions/thoughts reassert themselves. If I let my mind head down that road, I can physically and mentally feel these things. Thankfully this happens only on rare occasions, but I took a recent one-two punch from this topic and the similar attack that recently happened in the headlines of various media outlets.

So, with any victim of sexual abuse, let’s try ZERO blame, NO questions about why they let themselves be in that situation, why they didn’t run away, or why they can’t escape these thoughts/feelings/urges, in order to give them space to heal, just as much as we allow, as needed, space to share or vent. 

The best suggestions for responses, in my opinion, are to:  be supportive, offer ears to listen/a shoulder to cry on, and keep to yourself anything anyone might think could be possibly, in any way, taken the wrong way or cause harm. If you are unsure, send it via site mail to someone whose posts nearly always sound caring and considerate, asking for some editing advice.

[JasonBeam]

1 hour ago, I Didnt Grow Much said:

. . . . . 

100%

If you need a shoulder to cry on, mine is available, and I've been told it's very soft, and there's zero judgment. 

[Cotta]

I appreciate that very much 

[Cotta]

Not sure how I can change my delete account message 

[NuderThanNude]

7 hours ago, I Didnt Grow Much said:

Does your name and phrases like, “slow on the uptake,” “uniquely self-absorbed,” and “talks much more than he listens,” often appear in the same sentence together?

I had no need to share, certainly not vent, any of that until I saw what was being said/who was being accused. Maybe I missed the mark somehow in my previous posts under this topic, but writing the post with so many of my questions felt solemn, humbling, and unwanted yet necessary. In fact, I’ve never told anyone that without feeling the same way. None of the questions make me mad with any need to vent. To me, they are still an extremely painful and private part of me, since no one here actually knows me.

One thing for sure is that you and I think differently which is why... even though I have had my share of trauma and physical abuse (maybe even more severe than what you describe) I have never had the life long negative effects that you describe for yourself and those who you console. So you tell me who is 'right' and who is 'wrong' in their thinking.

Your words - say it all "the need for camaraderie/companionship offered by a fraternity overrode what should’ve been a natural inclination to run as fast and as far as possible. Even more unfortunate, when someone seeks out a place to be abused and the people to be abused by. I’ve read a number of stories on the site about guys who regularly hung out with others who would abuse them verbally, physically, and sexually, all because they at least felt like they were a part of something".

The "need for camaraderie and companionship". That is a secondary desire and not "need" a rational person with self confidence and independence would rather be by themself than  team up with a criminal or evil person/s just because of a "need for camaraderie and companionship". As hard as it was I have walked away from people who I thought were my friends, only to be by myself for a period of time until I found someone deserving of my friendship.

No rational, self confident person would ever consider doing this -  "Even more unfortunate, when someone seeks out a place to be abused and the people to be abused by.

So as you can see there is blame to be had by those you call victims. I'm not saying the abusers aren't responsible but if you knowingly put yourself in harms way you need to man up and accept responsibility and learn from your actions and go on with life and not wallow in your pity and the sympathy and pity of others.

Part of the problem comes from the teachings of 'society' which minimizes the importance of the individual and stresses the importance of the group and "in [belonging]". I am a bicyclist and a number of people have asked me why I don't belong to any of the numerous bicycle clubs in  my area. The reason is that the joy of bicycling and learning from each other and the camaraderie is really not what happens in these groups they are all about the social bullshit and are like 'soap operas' in what goes on. Hence I rather ride by myself.

You and the people you talk prioritize "belonging and camaraderie' to being with evil persons so you got what you asked for. It's time to stop wallowing in your pity and grow up.

Sorry for being so blunt (and as you would say "unsympathetic").

In addition, accepting responsibility doesn't mean seeing oneself as being useless. It means 'learning' and being a better person rather than compounding the problem with any additional form of 'self harm'.

Edited August 21 by NuderThanNude

[bc_cpl]

14 minutes ago, NuderThanNude said:

So as you can see there is blame to be had by those you call victims.

Yeah, no. That's akin to blaming someone who was sexually assaulted because they were wearing a sexy dress.

I might question why they put themselves in the situation they did, but there's no way I would blame someone for being attached against their will.

[NuderThanNude]

2 minutes ago, bc_cpl said:

Yeah, no. That's akin to blaming someone who was sexually assaulted because they were wearing a sexy dress.

I might question why they put themselves in the situation they did, but there's no way I would blame someone for being attached against their will.

The situation I am discussing is Apples and Oranges. They joined a type of organization where bad things are know to happen in order to be accepted. A person shopping in a store and gets injured by a stray bullet from someone robbing the store has no responsibility. In which the person needs to be rational and accept that sometimes "bad things happen to good people". That is a fact of like. You can be walking down the street and an airplane can fall out of the sky and injure or kill you. If you survive you need to accept there is no fault and nobody to blame and it is just life and you need to continue living your life. Feeling sorry for yourself is not the answer.

[JohnS1960]

18 hours ago, NuderThanNude said:

I have never had the life long negative effects that you describe for yourself and those who you console.

Maybe your "logic", lack of empathy, considering most people stupid and only making friends with people deserving of you IS the negative effect.

 

18 hours ago, NuderThanNude said:

an airplane can fall out of the sky and injure or kill you. If you survive you need to accept there is no fault and nobody to blame

The plane (defect), the pilot (error?)

 

18 hours ago, NuderThanNude said:

teachings of 'society' which minimizes the importance of the individual and stresses the importance of the group

could be because we (humans) are a social species.  It is a basic need 

Logic and Reasoning

Why Logic Alone Fails

Loss of Context: Pure logic analyzes facts and data, but it ignores human feelings, values, and relational dynamics.
Callousness: Most  agree that logic without empathy results in coldness and indifference toward the suffering of others.
Ethical Blind Spots: Ethics based solely on abstract logic can justify harmful actions

 

On 12/29/2025 at 4:21 AM, NuderThanNude said:

I was able to successfully shorten my penis however for me part of the goal was to remove my glans as I wanted to rid myself of the intense sensations from it. In that case it is just a matter of trimming to the desired length.

On 11/21/2025 at 3:52 AM, NuderThanNude said:

Most reading this will shriek at what I had done but there were additional reasons for doing what I did. 

 

From almost 5" to 2 3/4....reasons:  were they logical and reasonable.....

 

 

 

[NuderThanNude]

4 hours ago, JohnS1960 said:

Maybe your "logic", lack of empathy, considering most people stupid and only making friends with people deserving of you IS the negative effect.

You could not have written a better post illustrating exactly what I have been talking about. Society definitely has you under it's thumb.

"From almost 5" to 2 3/4....reasons:  were they logical and reasonable..." ABSOLUTELY... and provided the desired results.

"Why Logic Alone Fails" - Why is it that your reasons are illogical?

Edited August 22 by NuderThanNude

[The Jester]

On 8/20/2026 at 3:37 AM, JasonBeam said:

How the hell did the thread move in this direction?

 

Because we were talking about the concepts of blame, responsibility, and guilt.

On 8/20/2026 at 3:37 AM, JasonBeam said:

 

"I was only following orders" isn't duress or coercion

It is not a defense . . . guilty, as charged 

 That depends Jason doesn't it?.

Not at Nuremberg, in the classic Nazi trope you're referring to (a Nazi says "I was just obeying orders"), you're quite right.

But there again, It all depends on;

Who's orders were they?

What were they?

Who's trying them?

Who won the war?

Someone I knew was in a Vulcan Bomber in the cold War. He said if he'd refused to help bomb Russia in a doomsday scenario, he'd be shot. As you know, that might equally well apply to a sailor or soldiers. Who decides if he should be shot, or disobey?

Him?

His CO?

England?

The Soviets?

An international Court?

His God? (seeing as the the above are probably so much atomic dust by then)

You've probably heard of the bloody Sunday shootings over here. Soldier F (former member of our Parachute Regiment ) had his legal 4 million pound  legal fees paid by the British government- for obeying orders.

He was acquitted.

Unfortunately ( or fortunately, depending on one's perspective) we are dealing  with the real world.

 

Edited August 22 by The Jester

[The Jester]

(P.s. I understand my German isn't the best there is, but regardless, my hypothetical man on trial, wasn't actually meant to be a Nazi himself. The judge says I am a Nazi', and the Nazis were still in charge in 1944)🤔

[The Jester]

17 minutes ago, NuderThanNude said:

You could not have written a better post illustrating exactly what I have been talking about. Society definitely has you under it's thumb.

"From almost 5" to 2 3/4....reasons:  were they logical and reasonable..." ABSOLUTELY... and provided the desired results.

They were absolutely: to you Nuder, not necessarily to other people..

It all depends on the perspective/definition you start with

(see above post)

[NuderThanNude]

5 minutes ago, The Jester said:

They were absolutely: to you Nuder, not necessarily to other people..

True! Because that is all that matters to me. I realize everyone is different and everyone has to make their own choices in that regard. I just present what could be possible - from my perspective.

My goal throughout life has always been to find ways to take my sexual pleasure to the highest level possible. In addition, I realize that even though I am 'male' there is a 'female' side to me I like experiencing.

Edited August 22 by NuderThanNude

[Pumpkin Eater]

On 8/20/2026 at 9:44 AM, NuderThanNude said:

I for one take exception to that statement. That isn't the nature of humans. The nature of humans is survival and happiness. Philosophy is the code that teaches people how to accomplish that. What you describe is the nature of 'society' which is built on false philosophies.

The character of humans is formed by their teaching, surroundings and that of other people that act as examples which determines how they develop from infancy to adulthood.

Fraternal behavior is too often built on greed, a desire to take pleasure from controlling others and seeing them suffer. Misery loves company!

Yeah, philosophy and discipline can improve people, but I see what comes natural, too.

[The Jester]

2 hours ago, NuderThanNude said:

 that even though I am 'male' there is a 'female' side to me I like experiencing.

That's interesting because (and this isn't a judgement, just a statement), I think some here view you as being like Spock!.

Spock is of course a very male stereotype. Logical, emotionless: can upset, of offend sometimes as he lacks empathy.

The character with most empathy is Deanna Troi, played by Marina Cirtis ( in next generation). Who is like Spock in being half human, half alien.

Empathy is associated with femininity or being female or receptive, and she is a woman!

What do you feel your feminine side is like?.

 

 

 

Edited August 22 by The Jester

[NuderThanNude]

11 minutes ago, Pumpkin Eater said:

Yeah, philosophy and discipline can improve people, but I see what comes natural, too.

But that is where our brains should come in. We are human beings with brains and can reason unlike animals. Yes, it is easier to steal from someone else than work for those things. However once one realizes that stealing doesn't provide true happiness true happiness only comes from accomplishing things and earning what we have - that is what guides us to take the harder path. However one cannot be forced to use their brain and need to be left to experience the consequences.

[NuderThanNude]

1 hour ago, The Jester said:

That's interesting because (and this isn't a judgement, just a statement), I think some here view as like Spock.

Spock is of course a very male stereotype. Logical, emotionless: can upset of offend sometimes as he lacks empathy.

The character with most empathy is Deanna Troi, played by Marina Cirtis ( in next generation). Who is like Spock in being half human, half alien.

Empathy is associated with femininity or being female or receptive as she is.

What do you feel your feminine side is like?

All good statements and a very good question at the end.

But allow me to put them in the proper context. 

You put the words "Logical" and "Emotionless" in the same statement as if they go together. People who are logical and rational have emotions but they are just directed in a different way and more closely connected to logic and reason rather than a lack of both.

Emotions are an important part of us. They give us the ability to make lightning quick decisions in situations where we don't have time to reason things through. Our emotions should therefore correspond to logic and rational thought. This is where society has turned things inside out and upside down when it teaches that they are separate and different and that emotions are better in decision making than reason and logic. That reason should lead us one way and emotions should lead us another.  However If we train our emotions to mirror our logic and reasons we will always make the right decisions and have consistency in our thought and actions. In fact I always evaluate decisions I made on my emotions (after the fact) to insure that those decisions correspond to my rational thought If not I make adjustments.

Emotions are also value judgements. We have opposite emotions toward someone who is good and we care about vs a bad person who we dislike. Those emotions are 'rational and logical. If we have no emotional feelings for someone it is obviously someone we care nothing about. Emotions can also be misread and temporary. We can exhibit the emotion of anger toward someone we care very much about and value. At the same time it is stupid and irrational to try to exhibit emotions of sympathy and pity and empathy toward someone undeserving or that as it is fraudulent. Some people will do that just so they aren't regarded by society as being unemotional or lacking in empathy but as an honest person I cannot do that. Often what appears to be a lack of empathy on my part is just my being honest with someone. It doesn't mean I don't care about them.

Your words..."Empathy is associated with femininity or being female or receptive as she is. What do you feel your feminine side is like?"

I'm not sure if "Empathy" is directly connected to femininity but maybe it is. After all females give birth and have to nurture their young so maybe "Empathy" is a stronger trait in them. But I still believe men can have "Empathy".

As for my feminine side... I haven't quite figured that all out yet but I believe I do show emotions and empathy more than most males. I never had any concern over displaying masculinity or dominance - and believe I am kind of the opposite of a "Tomboy". There are things females get to do that males don't which I desire (like wearing pretty and dainty underwear with lots of options). But I never could have any romantic attraction to a male nor have any interest in presenting as or actually being 'female'. Sexual pleasure with a male is a totally different thing. I preferred female genitals for their look of simplicity with nothing sticking out from their pubes but at the same time felt there were a lot more options for play with external genitals. As my penis presents strongly as being an object for sexual pleasure I never liked that bodily waste exited from it - hence my urethral reroute. It also serves for me to experience that female side of me by having no choice but to sit or squat to pee for the remainder of my life. For whatever reason, that always appeared as a strong female characteristic to me.

I will take this opportunity once again to express my goals here. The first is to be honest with people and not be a fraud telling them what they want to hear and giving out phony sympathy and pity. That doesn't mean that I am being mean and don't care about people. My goal is to get people to introspect and think because that is always a good thing. My observations may not always be right but if you can prove I am wrong than you may be 'right' and I am 'wrong' but we will both learn. The other thing is to learn more about myself through interaction with other people and introspection of my own.

Edited August 22 by NuderThanNude

[Appreciater]

....

In The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon continually admitted that he didn't understand the emotional level of others.  ..  He realized that his Sheldonistic makeup could grade on other people's nerves, and even came across as insults... though he didn't actually intentionally strive to be that way, it's just the way he was in his makeup.

He always was striving to try to understand and not be abrasive, but never could master that understanding to not be abrasive to others. 

Thoughts, personalities, and general understandings are quite different with different people.

[NuderThanNude]

Putting our thoughts and feelings into words is another problem. Hence emojis. However, I could never get the hang of using them. They all looked pretty much the same to me. 

[The Jester]

On 8/15/2026 at 2:33 PM, Appreciater said:

 

• Military Hazing: Hazing is strictly prohibited across all branches of the U.S. Armed Forces under military regulations and is punishable via the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). 

Of course if youve been chopped under Title 50, the UCMJ doesn't apply so...

(knock on door)

Hold on a minute...

(answers door)

Nice American man from the Agency: ^you've been saying some naughty things haven't you me Jester!?."

Jester: Don't I know you from somewhere...?

 

[The Jester]

posted too many times! Weird 😯

 

Edited August 28 by The Jester