Is PIV sex with a female partner ever "MUTUAL" pleasure wise?????

[NuderThanNude]

We hear so much on this site about guys concern over pleasing their female partners and female partners complaining that they weren't satisfied with the sex. Which generally stems from an actual or presumed inability to please a woman using a small penis. A large part of this stems from societies focus on PIV sex as the primary means of sexual pleasure which both men and women have accepted but that is for another discussion.

All humans are naturally selfish and have self interest at heart. That is how we survive. It started out for me as a young boy of 4 years old when I discovered that parts of my body could provide me with a unique kind of pleasure. I spent around 15 years pleasing 'myself' and that's all I knew and I got really good at it. Then came the day where a female partner entered into the picture. I was really excited because I waited all them years anticipating what it would like to have my penis inside a warm, wet, living vagina with a female body attached to it.  I expected sex would be twice the pleasure - but I was wrong. Instead of being 100% focused on my own pleasure as in all the past I was now concerned about the pleasure of my partner. I paid attention to all possible signs of how she was reacting to what I was doing so I could focus on those things. It felt terrific being inside her and I would have my orgasm but I couldn't focus on it to extract every bit of pleasure because I couldn't break the rhythm to be sure she would have orgasms. Yes I got pleasure in stimulating her and in seeing her pleasure but my own actual pleasure took a back seat.

In most cases it seemed like the female had little to worry about and it was I who did most of the work worrying about and providing her with her pleasure.

So once again I began thinking about how guys worry about pleasing the female but how much does the female worry about pleasing the guy. I can't say I ever heard a girl discuss her desire to have a tight hole to provide the most friction for the guy or spend time exercising her pelvec muscles to be able to tighten down on the penis and add stimulation or possibly forego her own orgasm(s) so that the guy could stop and savor his. Even when the woman was on top doing the work her movements were geared toward her hitting the right spots for herself.

So my question is... Is PIV sex ever "mutual" - pleasure wise? Does a female have as much concern about or put as much effort into pleasing her male partner as a guy does for her?

What do you guys say in this matter?

[bc_cpl]

Thankfully, I have a wife that pays as much attention to my pleasure as I do hers. 

Given that I take a long time to cum, she'll usually orgasm before I will. As you mentioned above, she actually does Kegels: she can be soft and inviting, or extremely tight - she'll often do what she can you help me over the edge.

Kegels are top of the list for her in this situation. Letting me switch positions to whatever I think will provide the most stimulation (love going missionary, but with her legs together, and mine on the outside of her legs), etc.

She'll usually be able to go 30-40m before she taps out, which is more than fair. 

She'll often roll over in bed in the morning and give me a lazy BJ to start the day - nice way to wake up, and she usually isn't expecting anything in return.

I think it depends on the partner, really: I've been lucky to have many good ones over the years.

[Gezr69]

I'd Say there's an imbalance in our case as far as "Mutual Pleasure" goes.

Put it down to a lot of Women not having a full understanding of the Male Orgasm.

My Wife will Orgasm at least twice during the 95% of the times We have Sex.
A mix of PIV Orgasms when there's deep penetration & Clitoral in other cases.
On the missing 5% She will perform as if She has, but it's too easy to pick,
The lack of Hypersensitivity post the "Orgasm" simply doesn't exist.

Problem on the other side is what I reckon is the incorrect interpretation of My Orgasm as being,
Orgasm = Cum = Ejaculation,
Therefore,
Ejaculation must also mean Orgasm.
Like The whole Monty Python "Witch" made out of Wood Script.

Full on Orgasms have My Nose tingling inside, & a need to withdraw from PIV due to sensation overload.
Ejaculation I can keep pumping thru, & slowing after the end.

Not saying I don't enjoy it overall, but it falls well short of the Mind twisting Overload.

Don't know how universal the interpretation might be, but have to say there have been a few
that seemed to strive to "Cause" ejaculation, feeling that is was totally the required outcome.

[NuderThanNude]

You are a lucky man bc_clp!

I orgasm pretty quickly and as much as I'd like to stop and savor my orgasm I glide past it so as not to interrupt my wife's progress. I fortunately can stay erect as long as needed until she finishes. She isn't interested in sex as much as I am but does enjoy it and will do what ever is necessary to please me. We take turns with foreplay and she gets me excited first and then I will get her excited before she pulls me to enter her. So I already cool down some before entering her. Sex is great and I never had any complaints but some things are lacking (as I mentioned) from stimulating myself during masturbation but other things tend to make up for it. She never did kegels or was concerned about how tight she was as I was never concerned about my size. She was tight before giving birth to the point where the doctor needed to cut her some for the baby to come out so I told her to tell the doctor to tighten it up when he sutured her up but he didn't. The mental stimulation from my emotions for her did make up for the loss of physical stimulation.

Edited August 22 by NuderThanNude

[Gezr69]

33 minutes ago, bc_cpl said:

Kegels are top of the list for her in this situation.

Actually they were at the Top of My Wife's list at the time we met post Her Divorce.
But Ejaculation was more the Ultimate Goal.

[NuderThanNude]

18 minutes ago, Gezr69 said:

I'd Say there's an imbalance in our case as far as "Mutual Pleasure" goes.

Put it down to a lot of Women not having a full understanding of the Male Orgasm.

I also think it's like opening the car door for a woman. Women often expect the man to satisfy them and in the process they feel the man get's his satisfaction.

In other cases it is the man getting his satisfaction and hopefully the female will get hers in the process.

Edited August 22 by NuderThanNude

[Gezr69]

8 minutes ago, NuderThanNude said:

fortunately can stay erect as long as needed until she finishes.

With the Huge Collection of Sleeves & Hollow Strap-ons I have, "Staying Hard" is a no brainer.
Having a collection that contains from Average to Large & Extreme, as well as a few with quite a bend,
the variety of sensations I can provide is pretty big.

12 minutes ago, NuderThanNude said:

She isn't interested in sex as much as I am but does enjoy it

I call providing that variety "Being Interested", due to striving to providing her pleasure in different ways.
But then back the other way it's more of a simple goal focused mostly on making me achieve ejaculation.

It's not bad, but way different to being held before an edge for a wile before the big shove over.

[NuderThanNude]

6 minutes ago, Gezr69 said:

With the Huge Collection of Sleeves & Hollow Strap-ons I have, "Staying Hard" is a no brainer.
Having a collection that contains from Average to Large & Extreme, as well as a few with quite a bend,
the variety of sensations I can provide is pretty big.

I wouldn't get any stimulation so we would have to have 2 sex sessions. One for her and one for me. And as I mentioned I can stay erect as long as needed after my orgasm. I don't need extra length because if I get too frisky and get to deep she complains.

 

[I Didnt Grow Much]

Again, I must mention the fact that when me pleasing her is more important to me, and simultaneously, when her pleasing me is more important to her, it works out great for both of us. However, when I mention that during the occasional “guys talking about sex” conversations, I receive a number of blank stares, inquisitive looks, and furrowed-brow consternation.

Maybe my view on this is skewed somehow, but my best friends and I learned about this concept while playing around with each other, quite a long time before we were ever married, and applied it without ever thinking much about. In our early teens we talked about it, and all agreed it’s why we had a great time together, and then after the three of us married, kept doing the same thing with our wives because it worked out so great for the three of us.

From everything I’ve learned on the history of the topic, penis in vagina (PIV) sex, and then often exclusively missionary position, it has been the norm throughout history. Likely only in the past 50 years or so, what women like has become public knowledge, therefore much more widely disseminated than past word-of-mouth transmission. I’m certain that throughout history there have been men who asked what their spouses/partners like, and have complied. Yet publicly talking about this, pleasing your wife first, or simultaneously, would have been almost nonexistent, with the exception of fathers passing this on to sons, and very close/non-judgmental friend relationships. The reason being that discussing this generally might make a man feel like he would be criticized for being weak/letting his partner control him/being a wussy, whereas now it’s likely common talk, regardless of age, sex, ethnicity, or religion. In my case, my dad told me to ask what she likes, and let her know what I like, because trail and error would make for a long time with much less enjoyable sex.

If both spouses/partners prefer PIV, PIB, 69, ORAL, M2B, or heck, maybe even PB&J, if I ever figure out how to use that, then go to town doing what you both like best. 

My grandfather used to say, “If you find what you love, and love what you do, then how can you be anything but happy?” I have to guess that someone else said it before him, but that’s my source.

[JasonBeam]

I'm not sure anything in life is truly mutual, but hopefully over time it balances out. You make it seem like sex is some kind of power struggle where both sides have to fight to get there fair share of pleasure. 

I agree that during our young/teenage lives the only person we are concentrating on pleasuring is ourselves, and perhaps your phrase "All humans are naturally selfish and have self interest at heart" is fitting. But as you move on to partnered sex, someone with that attitude isn't going to be viewed as a good person, much less a good lover. I guess I'm saying you have to give a little to get a little, perhaps the phrase "quid pro quo" is apt in this case. 

I can only speak about my own sex partners, and they all seemed to want to please me sexually, and I wanted to please them as well. I agree some women I've been with were content (at least at first) to just lay there and let me do all the work, I think some women are kind of reserved when they first begin an intimate relationship. 

My Ex was an exception to that rule, she was buck wild from day one. She was hyper-aggressive sexually. I've mentioned previously that she was bipolar, so she tended to be "over the top" in all aspects of her life. When I first met her we hit it off pretty quickly and became close friends, she was always telling me about her husbands and all the men she had been with. She actually said to me once that "sucking dick" was her hobby. I thought she was kidding .. she wasn't.

I'm going to stop there and finish with a quote, I was unable to locate who said it. "Sex is when it feels good, Love is when you're happy it feels good for someone else"

[Cotta]

Mostly, but not always. Sometimes sex can be more of a “maintenance fuck”, as in she does it for me. But I would say that at least 75% of the time it’s about mutual pleasure and I don’t really get turned on if my partner isn’t turned on as well.

a lot of guys think vaginal sex is the big deal, well it may be for us. But I think most women cum from clitoral stimulation and I love to make a girl cum with my tongue.

In my experience women adore being fucked vaginally and often after they’ve cum clitorally.  But, for me at least, sex needs to be about mutual Pleasure. 
sex with men seems to be a great deal less complicated and easier to work out what your partner wants. 

 

Edited August 23 by Cotta
Typo

[Cotta]

And also, of course, the female orgasm can be a bit of an enigma. I’ve  never asked a guy if he came, you are never in doubt. 

[canuck45]

19 hours ago, I Didnt Grow Much said:

My grandfather used to say, “If you find what you love, and love what you do, then how can you be anything but happy?” I have to guess that someone else said it before him, but that’s my source.

[Cotta]

I like that. But what happens if you find that you love sex with women and then about 30 years later you find that you also love sex with men?  Do you do both so that you live what you do or do you suppress the new one in order to adhere to the old moral code?

[Thor57]

Yep, we had piv sex last week, and I’m not sure if Wifey planned on cumming, but she was wet and climbed on top in cowgirl, and then switched around to reverse cowgirl and rode to a nice big orgasm. We had a lot of fun. 

[I Didnt Grow Much]

1 hour ago, Thor57 said:

Yep, we had piv sex last week, and I’m not sure if Wifey planned on cumming, but she was wet and climbed on top in cowgirl, and then switched around to reverse cowgirl and rode to a nice big orgasm. We had a lot of fun. 

It certainly sounds nicer? when you say cumming than what it is actually called, which is vaginal discharge, which is sometimes politely called vaginal lubricant, but then only refers to the fluid itself, not the process. There are actually two types of discharge. When someone says a woman is “wet” when she is turned on, it refers to a discharge from both the cervix and vaginal walls, which is the body’s attempt at maintenance prior to sex.

When she is said to be “cumming,” (sometimes called squirting) it is having an orgasm with fluid, also referred to as discharge, but that is from a combination of urine from the bladder and discharge from the Skein’s (possibly Skene’s or Skain’s, I don’t remember which) gland.

[Thor57]

22 hours ago, I Didnt Grow Much said:

When she is said to be “cumming,” (sometimes called squirting) it is having an orgasm with fluid, also referred to as discharge, but that is from a combination of urine from the bladder and discharge from the Skein’s (possibly Skene’s or Skain’s, I don’t remember which) gland.

I’m not sure Wifey “squirts”, but she does have very juicy orgasms and she can be quite loud when she cums. 

[smallgrower]

I would say yes.  My wife has squirting orgasms, with me, as my cock hits in just the right spot.  Her other partner, who is bigger than me, does not do that for her.  My other partner has very powerful orgasms from PIV with me, especially when riding me on top.  More than once have I had to keep her from passing out and falling over.  Again, it comes from being able to hit the right spot.  Her partner (who is also my wife's partner) being bigger, ends up causing more pain because he hits her cervix, which is very painful to her.  My cock just "kisses" it, which for her feels wonderful.

I think it is about technique and fitting your partner. 

[IndyBanker1946]

I doubt that many women consistently have orgasms from intercourse.

Point in case: my late wife and I had 30 years of amazing sex. I bet we fucked 4000-5000 times. She had at most 15 orgasms from intercourse but had many many more orgasms than i did because I licked her to orgasm before or after I fucked her, sometimes both.

Nearly all the women in my 80 years had orgasms but few had them from fucking.

Only Hollywood consistently has mutual orgasms!

[wuerstchen]

Absolutely. As is PIM sex and TIP sex. 

[JasonBeam]

8 hours ago, wuerstchen said:

Absolutely. As is PIM sex and TIP sex. 

I guess I'm just curious if I'm reading those acronyms correctly:

PIM - Penis in mouth

TIP - Tongue in pussy

 

[wuerstchen]

3 minutes ago, JasonBeam said:

I guess I'm just curious if I'm reading those acronyms correctly:

PIM - Penis in mouth

TIP - Tongue in pussy

 

Yep! You got it!! And with my wife TIP made her crave PIM. A good time was had all round. 

[SloStroker]

Masturbation feels FAR better to me than PIV. I would rather masturbate than have sex.