jackalsb Posted December 9, 2013 Report Share Posted December 9, 2013 Hello Men, Longtime member, first post. And sorry, it's a lengthy post. Saturday Night Live (SNL) had a skit that revolved around small penis jokes and it is still bothering me today. It brought up issues I have been dealing with my whole life and particularly an incident from almost two years ago. Here is the back story: I am 47 yr old father of three teenage boys. My oldest is 19 (17 at the time) and we played in a Father-Son hockey game, one of many since he was little. I have also known most of the other Dads since childhood. I am a retired Lt. Colonel from the Air Force, am 6'2", 220lbs, have a tiny dick and huge balls. So my little dick looks even smaller compared to my big body and huge nuts. I have taken abuse my whole life from my father, brothers, colleagues and friends for having a small dick and have tried to take it in stride. After the game in the showers, another Dad, Paul, who is all of 5'8" tall, 150lbs soaking wet, but hung like a horse, yelled "ALL BALLS NO BAT" and kicked me in the balls, full force, from behind and I dropped like a rock. The entire locker room, including my 17yr son, erupted in laughter as I squirmed on the shower floor holding my balls. The whole time I was on the floor the guy that kicked me was laughing and whooping it up and high fiving while other Dads and Sons looked on. Finally I was able to limp to a bathroom stall where I sat for about 20 minutes. Like I said, I have known most of the Dads my whole life. We all grew up playing hockey and being rough with each other, giving each other "nut shots". Which I know is childish and stupid, but that is what we did. However, this kick was way harder and I believe it was done to humiliate me, especially combined with his comments, and it worked. On the ride home my son kept repeating "all balls no bat" and laughing like hell. When we got home he ran in and told everyone what happened. He was saying "you should have seen how red Dad's face was etc". I felt like such a wimp for not doing anything back and feel I have lost respect from my son. He and his brothers started making small dick comments to me. I am trying to laugh them off like all the others so as to not give them any ammo against me. Teenage boys can be tough! After having endured small dick jokes my whole life, I guess I should have been prepared or expected that my sons would someday chime in, but it still sucks. Fast forward to this past Saturday. My youngest son, now 16, was watching SNL with three of his friends. One if his friends is Paul's (the guy that kicked me) son. The skit was about Michelangelo's David. Every small dick joke in the book was made in the sketch. My son and friends said the sketch could have been about me. My son then repeated the "all balls no bat" comment. My stomach sank and again I sat there red faced until I finally left the room. That comment from my son almost hurt worse than the kick in the balls I received from Paul almost two years ago! On Sunday the boys had a Hockey Game and I ran into Paul in the stands and he said to me "heard there was a sketch about you last night on SNL." He continued to makes jokes and comments and I just stood there, pretending to laugh, but I thought my head was going to explode I was so embarrassed and angry. Again, the hardest thing for me is the loss of respect from my sons. Everything is done under the guise of joking, but it still stings like hell. Just thought I would finally share. Hope everyone else had a good weekend! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 10, 2013 Report Share Posted December 10, 2013 Oh man, I am so very, very sorry this happened to you. I want to give you a manly bear hug and then tell those other guys -- including your sons -- to go f--- themselves. I sure hope things calm down for you, brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fighting Blindly Posted December 10, 2013 Report Share Posted December 10, 2013 High five bro. Sucks , sorry. Hope things get better for you. These are some of my fears of procreation. :offline: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canuck45 Posted December 10, 2013 Report Share Posted December 10, 2013 What kind of asses do you associate with, they all stood there and laughed.... morons (not intended to insult those that are developmentally challenged). Next time you can say, well it must work ok, I fathered 3 children..... You can also tell your friend not only is he hung like a horse, and we all know horses are related to donkeys, which explains why he is such an ass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonny5 Posted December 10, 2013 Report Share Posted December 10, 2013 That really sucks. You need to take pride in the fact that you are a married man with three children. The next time your kids make a joke about it, you need to be a father. Show your anger and tell them that type of talk is unacceptable, whether it's regarding you or anyone else. If your 'friends' make other jokes about your "bat," than own it. Laugh and say something like "Yeah but my wife loves when I swing it." You're a married family man. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wutty3 Posted December 10, 2013 Report Share Posted December 10, 2013 Sent you a PT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fighting Blindly Posted December 10, 2013 Report Share Posted December 10, 2013 It's not that black & white. Dude is in a no-win situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ax345 Posted December 10, 2013 Report Share Posted December 10, 2013 I'm kind of at a loss for words. I'm pretty much a pacifist, but this cretin Paul needs to have his clock cleaned. But your son, too? I just don't know what to say, except I feel pained to hear your story. Did this betrayal by your son come out of nowhere? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinkie B. Posted December 10, 2013 Report Share Posted December 10, 2013 Dude, I would go take my balls back. I'd do it like this: Paul: That's fucking childish. You need to grow the fuck up. You're teaching your kids to be terrible human beings and you're teaching my kids to be terrible human beings. A small dick joke might be funny amongst friends who know it to be in good humor, but there is nothing funny about laughing at other people's physical shortcomings, which is what you've taught my sons to do. Not to mention the fact that as my friend, and a father, I think you would have the decency not to humiliate me in front of my own children. You have no character as a man. And if your "friend" Paul doesn't get that he crossed a major line and start immediately making amends, you can offer to shove your "tiny" dick into his dry asshole and then continue the discussion about its size. Yeah, I think that would solve your problem nicely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 10, 2013 Report Share Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) This reminds me of 7th and 8th grade when my classmates, just maturing physically, went through a phase of hitting each other in the nuts. I wasn't maturing and didn't for many years thereafter. However, fortunately, I was always big for my age in spite of the lack of physical maturity. I was ready to fight to the death if they tried it with me. Seems to me that when you recovered from the blow you needed to cold cock the guy and then kick him in the head when down. I got a few comments too, but when it became clear I was ready to fight they went on to other victims. However, I understand the difficulty. You had already allowed yourself to become emeshed with these jerks. Ya gotta choose your associates better. Pretty much too late now. Edited December 10, 2013 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5taR Posted December 10, 2013 Report Share Posted December 10, 2013 Yeah, I'm with overthehill on this. The only fitting response to that kind of 'attack' would have been one of equal if not greater force. Considering your military background I've gotta applaud your restraint, as I'm sure you could've handed Paul his ass a dozen times over as soon as you caught your bearings. And how the hell is a 'playful' nut shot even a thing? I've known lots of guys to play fight and wrestle to the point of minor injury, but a blow below the belt? I thought that shit was off limits, period. As the situation stands now, the less you say the better. Just be friendly but firm, with a hint of menace and definitely no more laughing it off. Something along the lines of 'Alright, you've had your laughs. Now shut the fuck up about it.' should suffice. I don't know how you'd handle your kids though. In my country they'd get (at very least) a smack in the face for that kind of guff. I'm actually very interested in knowing what your relationships with these people are like. You associate with them out of some sense of obligation? Got no other friends? Teenagers are generally rebellious and self-centred but your sons sound completely disloyal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4inchpianist Posted December 10, 2013 Report Share Posted December 10, 2013 Kicked in the balls? That's assault. I'd sue that person If I were you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fighting Blindly Posted December 10, 2013 Report Share Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) That's battery. If the guy yelled out "I'm going to kick you in the balls" before he did it, that would be assault. Then the kick would be battery Edited December 10, 2013 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wood650 Posted December 10, 2013 Report Share Posted December 10, 2013 I cannot imagine being kicked in my large balls by another man. What a jerk! And then be laughed at by my sons. Would have a talk with my sons about not laughing at another man's dick especially mine. Would have ended my friendship with the jerk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hawk52 Posted December 11, 2013 Report Share Posted December 11, 2013 I've been lurking here on Measurection for several years now and felt compelled to add my 2 cents worth. Its probably because I was made fun of in 8th grade when I was on the football team. That led me to give up playing football, and I think I would have been pretty good, although I did play high school basketball. After 8th grade I never got made fun of again, maybe because I was pretty good sized and fully capable of taking care of myself, but once I got out of college I never put myself in the locker room situation again. I would have liked to go to a health club or a YMCA, but just never had the courage to do it. More on my story in a later post. I've got to hand it to the Lt.Col on several levels. On being able to retire at 45 and achieving Lt.Col you've been more successful at the game of life, in a financial sense, than I'm sure many of us, including myself. Having 3 children is an achievement. Putting yourself out there in the locker room with your friends and children is something I would find very hard to do. You had to have courage to achieve all these things. That's why its so very hard to understand your story. I'm not a military person but I would think that being a LC would require some ability to lead, earn the respect of, and discipline those that are under you. With the experience of 20 years in the military I don't understand how you could allow your son to disrespect you so much. At the very least you should have the ability to discipline him so that it would never ever happen again. And your lifetime friends, really? With those kind of friends who needs enemies. You made a special point to mention that you're 6'2" and 220 vs your tormentor who is 5'8" and 150 soaking wet. Come on man if that's true you should have had him pinned up against a locker and in no uncertain words told him that for his own good health that will never happen again. At the very least you should have had a very serious conversation with him conveying the same message. No disrespect intended. This just hit a chord with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tallnsmallwnc2 Posted December 11, 2013 Report Share Posted December 11, 2013 (edited) Nope this story does not pass for the truth. No human being could take this much abuse without some type of retaliation be it physical or verbal. No one has that kind of capacity to internalize. The story needs fleshing out at least some minor come back on the host of antagonists. Must of us have endured some form of humiliation and know what the breaking point would be. I think it is a shame someone would come to this support site just to prey on the sympathy and charity of the members. Edited December 11, 2013 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fighting Blindly Posted December 11, 2013 Report Share Posted December 11, 2013 Don't be so quick to judge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonny5 Posted December 11, 2013 Report Share Posted December 11, 2013 Nope this story does not pass for the truth. No human being could take this much abuse without some type of retaliation be it physical or verbal. No one has that kind of capacity to internalize. The story needs fleshing out at least some minor come back on the host of antagonists. Must of us have endured some form of humiliation and know what the breaking point would be. I think it is a shame someone would come to this support site just to prey on the sympathy and charity of the members. There's no reason to think his story is untruthful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackalsb Posted December 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2013 Thank You for the message and support DavidJohns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackalsb Posted December 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2013 Hey Fighting Blindly, Thank you for the High Five and your other messages. I like that you seem to realize the unique position I find myself in. Also, don't hesitate to procreate! Kids are actually great - most of the time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackalsb Posted December 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2013 Canuck45, Thank you for the message and completely agree with your statement! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackalsb Posted December 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2013 Jonny5, Thank you for your comment and support. And yes, my wife does like the way I swing it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackalsb Posted December 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2013 ax345, My sons have heard other people, including my own brothers and father make small dick jokes at my expense. I have always pretended that the jokes don't bother me, and maybe that was the wrong way to handle the situation. Foursquared and chevy1946 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackalsb Posted December 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2013 Pinkie B., Thank you for the advice and maybe I'll give it a go! And yes, that would shut Paul up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackalsb Posted December 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2013 overthehill, Thank you for the message. You are right about choosing the right people to associate with! I have know many of these guys for over 40 years. I lived all over the world during my Military career with the majority of the time in DC. Have just been back in Boston, my hometown for a few years now. I live in the area where I grew up and just got back with my old crowd. And actually some of the guys are pretty decent, but of course not all of them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.