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Chicken or the egg?


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This may seem hard to believe coming from a guy who’s less than 3” hard but until my early 20’s I never thought of myself as small. Even though I would do things like stuff my underwear with socks - I actually bought a pair that were flesh colored and found that if folded them back just right, they locked like a circumcised head. I hated being nude in locker rooms and always had performance anxiety when I stood at a urinal next to another guy. When I was 15 or 16 I caught my brother, who was 13 or 14, masturbating and saw that he was way bigger than me. And our house only had one bathroom on the second floor so I saw my father naked quite often and he was almost twice as long soft as I was hard. My first attempt at having sex with a girl I thought was amazing and she asked if I was sure I was in all the way. Still, I never considered myself small. 

At the same time, I always felt a little intimidated by other guys. In high school and college, even though I over 6” tall, and was a good athlete, I always thought other guys were better. When I was younger, adult males to me were super intimidating. Even today, in my mid 20’s I almost always defer to other guys in so many ways.  
 

I wrote in another post that my realization that I was truly small came from the toilet paper tube test.  Slipped in easily and more than an inch between my end and the end of the tube. Since then, my smallness has become a turn-on. I love seeing guys bigger than me. No more performance anxiety at the urinal - if a guys is interested in peeking, I want him to see how small I am. If I’m at the gym, no more covering up with a towel. I keep my pubic hair trimmed to 1mm so there’s no hiding. I particularly enjoy when guys much younger than me see how small I am compared to themselves.  I wear women’s thong panties because they fit me better - no saggy pouch, but also because I like the idea of wearing them. I’ve even experimented with male chastity cages.  And all of this has made me more deferential to other guys but now there’s an erotic element to it. And it may sound weird but I don’t feel like less of a man.  It’s not like I feel guys with bigger cocks are better than me. My father always told that feeling like the smartest guy in the room would get me in trouble some day (so far it hasn’t 😉) he was a pretty strict disciplinarian as well.
 

So my chicken or egg question is whether my feeling deferential to other guys is a personality thing, or if maybe I’ve always known I was small and that made me feel that way.  I do know that my realization has made the feeling stronger, even to the point of fantasizing about erotic submission. I’m interested in getting the perspective of both small guys and larger guys. Is my confidence around other guys nature or nurture?
 

Lastly, I do apologize if this question has been asked and answered in previous posts, but I’m new to the site and haven’t quite made it through all 200+ pages of posts. 

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@TinyGuy96

Though I have recently been holding back on activity here, I want to respond to you. ...  Please, do Not let yourself become submissive to Anyone because of size difference.!! .. Even if you want to bottom, that does Not mean you have to be, so called, submissive... at least by the standard of "here I am, I am your slave, use me and abuse me".!! ...  Your dick's size does not make you more or less of a man.  Your Balls and your Hormones (plus attitude) decide that.!! ...   For all I know, you might be more of a "man" than I am, or anyone else here.  ..   Even if you bottom, that does Not mean you are a submissive non-man.   You are Still a man, and equal to your partner ...in every way, and should never be degraded by them in any way.  ...  If I were ever with you, you would find out what True sexual Sharing with another man of differing size IS and can be .... without being "submissive".!! ...  👍

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1 hour ago, TinyGuy96 said:

Is my confidence around other guys nature or nurture?

Adult- confidence usually come about by having challenges and success.  So I would say nurture.
However kids will do almost anything with confidence....no fear of failure - nature.
Conclusion: confidence is natural but in the world we live in negativity/fear/opinions destroys that confidence.
Geez you would think an economist answered.  On the one hand....but on the other.....   LOL

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@TinyGuy96 are you talking about in general everyday life or in terms of sexual encounters/relationships?

If in terms of everyday life, I can certainly relate to this.  I am nervous and shy around other men, especially in group scenarios where women are also present - be it at work or in social situations.  I know this is because my mind has instilled in me a belief that I am smaller than most other men.  
 

I’ve frequently had the same “stage fright” situation at the urinal that you mention.  That has been most embarrassing and troublesome at work - when I just can’t piss and I’m stood there ages while the bigger colleagues piss next to me and must notice a.) my size and b.) the lack of piss emanating from my cock!! I can’t bare to converse with whoever I’ve been stood next to for days after!! 
 

I definitely put my lack of confidence and my easy submission within male dominant environments down to my insecurity around my size. 

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51 minutes ago, Appreciater said:

"here I am, I am your slave, use me and abuse me".!!

If it is only a role you play, OK 
I have a partner that enjoys playing the submissive role. he caters to my wants.
I see submissive/dominant as who takes the lead and initiates, "controls" the action
But in reality the submissive does, they have the veto power of "NO"

If you don't respect the NO its not S/D, it's a bully/asshole/aggressor.
JMO

Edited by canuck45
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@Appreciater  I 100% agree that dick size does not make the man. A douche bag by any size is still a douche bag. And that getting turned on by size difference is not by nature a dominant/submissive thing. But I am intrigued by the idea of erotic submission and since I have such a small dick it’s likely that in any role play or scene the dominant player would likely be larger than me (unless they were a she, but even then, you never know, I guess 😛). And exploring that dynamic is intriguing to me.  Even seeing pics on line that show a large size difference are arousing. 
 

In real life, I do feel deferential to men in general. Particularly those in positions of authority - and even when I have no idea how big or small they are. For example, my initial reaction when I was reading your response was “he seems like such a nice guy, I hope I didn’t write something that ticked him off” - no eroticism attached.  
 
i guess I just find it interesting that I’ve always felt a little intimidated by other guys and I’m interested in exploring why the realization I have a small dick, in certain situations, has erotic ramifications.  I hope that helps explain my thinking a little more.  

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No.... You didn't tick me off.🙂...  I just never liked the idea of one person ever feeling that they must give in to Any scenario, because of a supposed feeling of inadequacy of any kind.   Don't go into that scenario if that is your reason.  It could lead to a stronger feeling if inadequacy instead of strength. ... 

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