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cdawg83

Small and frustrated

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So I’m 36 and been married for 2 years now I’m over weight and my size is 4.6” and girth is 4.5” my wife get upset and impatient about me when we try to have sex bc I’m small and slip out and she can’t really feel me too much she doesn’t like oral sex of any kind so the only chance of me pleasuring her is by penetration. 
and I can’t seem to do that either any ideas to try?

we have tried 

doggy,reverse cowgirl,missionary  and we both are overweight plz help 

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I am about the same size as you. I don't know how overweight you are compared to me or your wife compared to my ex wife.

My ex liked for us both to be on our left side. Me behind her. She would kind of have her left leg a little forward. Kind of hard to explain but ... Also used my hands quite a bit in this spot. 

She hated oral as well.

Her on top facing you should work best. She is in control of whether or not you slip out. 

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@cdawg83 we always enjoyed it when she laid on her back with her legs bent. I would lay on my side tucked under her legs so my penis was right even with her vagina. Then I could put myself in her with ease and could play with her clitoris and breast .

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There's no shame in buying dildos and/or using fingers on her. I think a lot of men would probably feel inadequate for using a dildo instead of their own dick, but why should they? Sex is about pleasure. If a dildo can provide pleasure, then why not use it? It's one of the reasons why I think that dick size is basically irrelevant in this day and age.

Let me write up a small paragraph to convince you that dildos are objectively more physically pleasurable than any real cock. Think about it. You can customize a dildo to the perfect size, shape, and material of your choosing. They can rotate and twist in novel ways. There are dildos with pumps that can expand inside. Some dildos spin or vibrate with batteries. All of those things can create sensations that a real dick can't emulate. Even if you had a cock that you thought was absolutely perfect, I think it's still worth exploring the world of toys, for the above stated reasons, and also just for added adventure in the bedroom.

I think communication is the key to everything though. Talk it over with her, if you haven't already, and be honest. Tell her your concerns about potentially not pleasing her and that you want to get her off by using toys, fingers or by eating her out.

That's another thing. It would be highly unusual for a woman to completely not like receiving oral. It's possible, but I think what's more likely is that she just hasn't had good experiences with oral in the past.

Because the thing is, clitoral stimulation is clitoral stimulation; whether you're doing it with a vibrator, fingers, or a tongue. The vast majority of women orgasm through clitoral stimulation, so again, it would be highly unusual for her to not like that.

Maybe try watching some videos on pussy eating technique, or simply ask your wife to coach you, which could be a fun experience in and of itself. Just tell her you want to please her and you want to try eating her out, and you know that she hasn't liked it in the past, but you want to try and see if you can change her mind. Then surprise her with all the techniques you learned from watching videos.

Realize that you can have a fantastic sex life, regardless of what kind of body you have.

Anyway, that's my two cents.

Oh and one more thing. Make sure you're getting taken care of yourself. After all, sex is about mutual pleasure.

Edited by WA1NGRO

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@WA1NGRO I agree with and appreciate almost everything in your post. I will caveat one thing though, and that is the idea that she doesn't like oral just because she hasn't had good experiences with.  While that may be true and worth exploring depending on the relationship,  I'd be wary of comparing her to others in such a way. People are people, and some have tendencies like the average person and others don't in varying degrees. Also, clitoral stimulation isn't a blanket sensation  in sure.  Just like there's a very real difference in sensation between tongue and fingers on cock or in anus. There's even a difference between my fingers and the fingers of others. or the difference between orifices that I can feel with my cock. I'd be wary of oversimplifying the sensation or experiences of others. 

 

For instance,  I'm not a fan of receiving  oral.  I've had good experiences and bad experiences with receiving it, but it ultimately comes down to me not enjoying the act itself. It's harder to explain in detail, and it may be the same for her.  And few things are more annoying than someone telling me that I'm odd for it or that I just haven't had the right oral experience. Another example: I don't enjoy kissing. It's not psychological or because I haven't been kissed in the right way.  I just do not experience the same sensation and emotion that others do from the act. 

I agree communication is key; understanding is what's most important.  If she's willing to explain and explore why she doesn't like oral, then go for it. If not just respect the fact that she doesn't as a part of her body and who she is. 

 

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@cdawg83 I don’t know where you are located or how old you are. I would suggest that you treat this as a “team sport”, in other words you both have a role to play. Back in the 70s there were, in the Bay Area at least, couples groups that were “introductions to intimacy”, everyone is clothed, and you learned various ways to increase intimacy. Also, there were “women’s groups”, specifically for what were termed then “pre-orgasmic women”, where they learn about their genitals, their sexual responses, etc. Google Betty Dodson, I think she’s in her 90’s now, she was pioneer in this.

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@Triasco9.5 I love kissing and giving and receiving oral although 69 just doesn’t work for me. Taking turns works best.

But I passed on anal sex. Oh, I tried it, but I was never comfortable with it. I felt it was not just “dirty”, it was downright unsanitary. As far as being on the receiving end, I told my Nasty Nurse story that was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Now in my life I kind of wonder what I missed. My wife enjoyed anal, she wanted to do it, and she kidded me for not being enthusiastic. I will say the few times we did it we used a dildo in her pussy while I banged her from the rear, and she really liked it, I guess it counts as a “double penetration”, but I just didn’t cotton to it. Oh well, my loss.

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@WA1NGRO Good hints. My wife and I were big toy users, more me on her and she would really get off. I found that for us extensions I wore produced good-to-great results, including the occasional squirt session that was really exciting. Strap-ons were also used, but sometimes that added too much thickness which was not to her taste.

Later on, a jetted tub was a sure-fire way for her to get off and she always wanted to finish with a creampie from me, which I was only too happy to provide.

As she got older, she liked more clitoral stimulation with a vibrator and as her pussy shortened and narrowed, what do you know, I filled her up better and satisfying her after a clitoral orgasm was relatively easy.

Ah those were the days!

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I've always been seen oral guy. Doing 69. Was easy to stimulating for me and I would climax way too soon. I like taking turns. Anal is a complete turn off. Feeling my butt hole is enough. 

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Remembering back to my first LTR with a virgin, here are some thoughts (building on many good ideas mentioned before):

1. Communication is key - as a couple you need to be able to talk about sex without embarrassment. 
2. Most women have a hard time achieving vaginal orgasm, but most women can have clitoral orgasms. Buying both a vibrator and a dildo would be a good place to start.

3. As mentioned by others, be sure to communicate what you like or want. Sex as part of a marriage is best when couples communicate.

Good luck.

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On 8/27/2020 at 9:11 AM, cdawg83 said:

@pokerpro831  I will try her on top facing me.

but we tried on our sides and I couldn’t penetrate because her but cheeks are in the way and I think another reason is that penis bends to the right a good bit.
 

Try kind of coming in from below so her butt isn't as much in the way

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