Coping Strategies

[nicejuciyboy]

Hello

 

I was wondering if anyone here would possibly give out some advice on coping with all of this. I have over the years tried many things but nothing helps me. I see alot of positivity on here and sadly I must confess I don't share that feeling.

Im to the point in my life where everything hurts, I don't think this is funny, its hard to take the judgements of others, this isn't something I can just "laugh off" and let my best friend satisfy my wife. I don't like sph either and can't understand how anyone else would. To be perfectly honest I don't know how anyone who is below average or even average as it would seem can hold their head up high and even fain to try to deal with a woman. To me this makes no sense. and especially the warm characters on here who pm with big dick shots for other reasons, you sir are a blight on humanity, and should besent directly to hell pun intended.

Obviously there are people who are better at this than myself, that's why Im asking. I dont know what to say, I struggle without resenting women over this stuff, and not resenting men who are bigger, it doesn't seem like there is much i could do because they can just take my woman if you will. How the hell can you feel good about that that makes no sense, Im pretty miserable lol.....erm

I avoid going out because getting involved with women makes no sense, Im not especially charming either, so its even worse to the poitn where I have no chance.

Im just lost and very tired of this all to be honest with you.

 

 

[canuck45]

53 minutes ago, nicejuciyboy said:

because they can just take my woman

No one takes your woman, she freely goes, that's a her problem not a penis problem.

 

53 minutes ago, nicejuciyboy said:

let my best friend satisfy my wife

Well I would quickly not have a wife or best friend.  
 

 

53 minutes ago, nicejuciyboy said:

I don't know how anyone who is below average or even average as it would seem can hold their head up high and even fain to try to deal with a woman.

Because we don't base our worth, value, esteem on our penis size.
Look at any list of "What Women want in a Man" and you won't find larger penis in the top ten.
I think you are making an assumption, women just want a big cock.  Any relationship is much more than a bit of dangling meat (if it dangles.
Make your own list of your quality traits and what you have to offer:
Stability
Humour
Companionship
Compassion
Interest in her
Honesty
Trustworthy
Reliable
Adventure....

I can also cook, clean house and do my own laundry.
Women don't seek a penis for life, they seek a partner.
 

Edited October 30, 2023 by canuck45

[Wookieboy]

On 10/30/2023 at 12:10 PM, nicejuciyboy said:

I was wondering if anyone here would possibly give out some advice on coping with all of this. I have over the years tried many things but nothing helps me. I see a lot of positivity on here and sadly I must confess I don't share that feeling.

Different guys cope differently.  I think it has more to do with our differing life experiences and how others treated us growing up.  I grew up with teasing and criticism being regularly associated with my sexual experiences and so I started to get "into" SPH. Ultimately I don't think the SPH was good for me as it kept me insecure.  But there are other men who thrive on it so I wont pass judgement.  Different strokes as they say.

I think coping involved TWO things: (1) How we think about ourselves, and (2) how people we are close to think about us.  We have to address BOTH of those to survive.  Learning to accept myself has been a multiyear process.  I am turning 30 now and just getting the hand of it.  What I have NOT been good at is regulating who I spend time with.  I have always had friends who regularly thought of me as "their little dicked friend".  I am not saying they are bad people, but they were bad for me.  It would be like being of a difference race in a group that thinks of you as "their Black friend".  That is still racist on some level.  Thinking of me according to my dick is still prejudiced.  I am more than my penis.

I have now gotten rid of all those friends.  I just stopped hanging out with them.  When they call I still speak with them, but no longer initiate contact.  I decline get togethers except for an occasional dinner.  I have a new boyfriend who prefers my small dick and spend more time with him.  He is Native American and I am learning much about his culture.  Choose your friends carefully!

 

Edited December 11, 2023 by RodEnuf
Broke into paragraphs for readability.

[nicejuciyboy]

On 10/30/2023 at 2:00 PM, Wookieboy said:

[...]  What I have NOT been good at is regulating who I spend time with.  I have always had friends who regularly thought of me as "their little dicked friend".  I am not saying they are bad people, but they were bad for me.  It would be like being of a difference race in a group that thinks of you as "their Black friend".  That is still racist on some level.  Thinking of me according to my dick is still prejudiced.  I am more than my penis.

I have now gotten rid of all those friends.  I just stopped hanging out with them.  When they call I still speak with them, but no longer initiate contact.  I decline get togethers except for an occasional dinner.  [...]  Choose your friends carefully!

You know what, I agree, sometimes people aren't bad... but bad for YOU. Yeah, good to see someone else has had to moderate who they are friends with. The well-meaning "mean" people in this world always suck I think.
 

Edited December 11, 2023 by RodEnuf
Reduced quote to just what's being responded to.

[Guest]

On 10/30/2023 at 1:02 PM, canuck45 said:

......Look at any list of "What Women want in a Man" and you won't find larger penis in the top ten.....

In my experience, it would be a good idea to restrict your quest to women who are experienced and have decided in their own mind their attitude on penis size.

Otherwise, idealistic ideas about what they want in a man can change during the course of a marriage.

 

[NuderThanNude]

2 hours ago, wondering4 said:

In my experience, it would be a good idea to restrict your quest to women who are experienced and have decided in their own mind their attitude on penis size.

Otherwise, idealistic ideas about what they want in a man can change during the course of a marriage.

My wife has always been ok with my penis size. In fact any larger and I would hurt her more often as her vagina is shallow. But it really pisses me off that lately I have seen so many movies and series that make fun of guys with small penises or just make fun of small penises and raise large penis men to a higher level. And you wonder where people get their ideas from!

My wife isn't very impressionable but after a while anyone would start to believe that crap.
 

Edited November 1, 2023 by RodEnuf
Put quote into standard quote box.

[canuck45]

11 hours ago, nicejuciyboy said:

the well-meaning "mean" people in this world always suck I think.

Toxic without even knowing it.....maybe.

[LessThan4]

I just hope everyone finds a constructive non-denigrating way to deal with it. Some need professional guidance others can can figure it out by themselves. 

[smallpei]

I'd be happy to give advice.  But, not sure I understand your situation OP. I checked your profile and your "about me" but I am left none the wiser.

While some women may joke and chatter among themselves about big penises, in reality a good woman will be able to love and respect a good man no matter the size of his member.  Intercourse isn't everything when it comes to sex.  And sex is only part of a relationship - often as we get older a small part.

 

[Lukeow]

On 10/31/2023 at 11:43 PM, NuderThanNude said:

My wife has always been ok with my penis size. In fact any larger and I would hurt her more often as her vagina is shallow. But it really pisses me off that lately I have seen so many movies and series that make fun of guys with small penises or just make fun of small penises and raise large penis men to a higher level. And you wonder where people get their ideas from!

My wife isn't very impressionable but after a while anyone would start to believe that crap.
 

This was one of the things that I always struggled with.  The lack of representation of the broader range of penis sizes - the small and average - in the media.

Typically, when presented with penis’ in movies, we are shown large, full, big swinging ones like Ewan McGregor in Trainspotting, Michael Fassbender in Shame…. Then there are the penis’ we see in TV shows like  Naked attraction - usually, all 6 men on display are longer than me flaccid, so, by default the assumption is that they would be longer erect.  
 

There is a rhetoric in the mainstream media that size matters and it is the larger size that is better.  
 

I’ve had 5 different female partners this year - more than I’d ever had in my entire life prior.  I’ve made each one of the cum and cum and cum again via penetration with my average penis.  They have all told me how, sexually, I am the most satisfying partner they have ever slept with.  They all seem to appreciate the curvature and angles.  So, it works.  That has helped reassure me that what I have is good at doing the job it was designed to do.  
 

I still believe Ewan’s and Michael’s penis’ are much better looking and more attractive than mine though….🤣 

I really do think more should be done to normalise the normal penis in the media, though.  

[divedud]

Same for me OP  I don't understand all the positivity here, it actually makes me angry, surely they must be deluded etc But is that just my thinking and negativity? 

At 60 I only have a life of misery to look back on which makes me angry and ashamed and I don't have the fight in me to move forward because I know in my heart of hearts I can never be happy showing myself to another woman or knowing that other people know I'm small.

For me this is, has, and will always be a miserable existence.

[AdhesiveSatyr]

@nicejuciyboy Hi there, sorry I didn't see this way sooner.

As to the positivity on the website it's far from delusional, and men/women/whatever here are not just "drinking the Kool-Aid" to feel good. I realize you're in a bad place right now, or were in late October.

For starters, from a non-psycho therapist reading and tapping away relatively anonymously on a website who wouldn't know you from Adam if he met you, you're buying in to the wrong things mentally and allowing them to determine your reality. If you go through and read my comments throughout my time here I am well documented on my hatred of how men have been portrayed on porn for the last 50+ years, and the effect is has had on the male psyche today. Before you tell me how "full of it" I am, take a moment and really think about it. The "average male" does NOT have a 9" "big cock". Period. They don't. Go to a gym that actually has naked guys and look around. They're rare. Honestly think back to your childhood and try to remember, they were rare back then too. Read actual pier reviewed studies from legitimate universities, not the hacks that pretend to be experts online and find out how the "average" is actually calculated. Porn is fantasy, but unfortunately this fantasy has infiltrated your brain, and millions of others, and fooled you into thinking a dude is supposed to have a 8" pussy/ass buster as thick as a Coke can.

Women. I've been married twice (still am). I'm not the largest guy in the world as I stated before. Flaccid I'm 2"-3", hard 5.75"-6.25" (inches). I eat pussy, I eat ass, I take my time, and try to be purposeful when I fuck. Despite my severe issues with my first wife, neither (nor any others) have had a complaint about me equipment-wise. YET if you listen to the mouth breathers and knuckle draggers and believe the aforementioned bullshit, both women should've been trying to Cuck me the entire time because of my "small cock that couldn't please a fly". I will go further, any woman that would say/try to do that to me either has been used and stretched beyond their usefulness OR has a kink that is based on my suffering. I tolerate neither. It would be the same if I were completely gay instead of bi.

I talk to many men on this site and legit enjoy talking with them because overall they're non-judgmental dudes out to discuss men's topics whether it's intended to get them, or you, off or really try to learn something or debate. Some of them are bigger than me, I'm bigger than some of them, and some are exactly like me in a penile sense. But we all relish in the discussion and sharing of our experiences (highs & lows) and that is where this "inexplicable positivity" comes from. You have friends willing to chat with you about your issues and willing to attempt to get you to realize you're prefect the way you are, and also perfectly normal.

Do not let a society that has been duped by something so cheesy and easily manipulated such as porn dictate reality, or worse yet your reality. If someone is cheating on your or purposely making you feel inferior cut them out of your life. Whoever they are. If it's YOU doing that, start working today to shut down that malfunctioning part of your psyche one piece at a time. Accept yourself for who and what you are. Even if you do actually have a "small cock" (I haven't seen your stats) remember there are FAR MORE OF YOU than there are of your opposite. Regardless of your size also remember there's very little you can do to change what it is. So you might as well learn to love yourself AND your penis and find people who will do the same. The alternative is to live hating yourself and your body, and everyone you've allowed to stay around who feeds the worst parts of your self loathing. Personally I think life is far too brief to tolerate such things and people.

If you ever want to talk, really about anything, feel free to message me anytime.

[like.small0609]

@divedud and @nicejuciyboy. I get where you’re coming from, I really do. I do think with 3.5-4in penis it will be extremely difficult to please women with penis in vagina (PIV) sex. But PIV sex isn’t the only type of sex, especially PIV sex where you expect to be this big cocked man that is all your woman “needs.” This is a very narrow definition of sex and I see also some narrow definitions of relationships here. For example, if *all* that was standing in the way of you and pure happiness were letting a friend into your sex life you’d rather die miserable? I’m NOT saying you need to get into SPH or cuckolding against your will but that showing a willingness to experiment rather than staying focus on what you can’t do (please a woman ONLY with your cock) is probably not good for your mental health.

[divedud]

The size issue is not in my head. Multiple women have said I am small and multiple women have told other people about it. I should be posting in the extra small section of the forum.

If I was ever going to "accept and love myself" regardless of what partners think or say, I would of done it years ago. Now at 60 it is too late and still too much of a mountain to climb. I just cannot accept that there is any way of living with this without having to accept shame and humiliation from others.

SPH is not for me.

[NuderThanNude]

@divedud All you have to do is begin to love what you cannot change and say the hell with what anyone else thinks.

Or... you could get a penectomy and come up with a good story to tell like you were in the war and it got shot off or a dog bit it off and everyone would then feel sorry for you.

[scottysmall67]

I don't think the size of your dick is the problem here. It's the position you have adopted in response to it. There are any number of reasons a woman might reject me. My small dick is but one of them. As for what other people think we'll I can't control that. If people want to be unkind they will. I don't need to pay attention.

[Wookieboy]

18 hours ago, divedud said:

The size issue is not in my head. Multiple women have said I am small and multiple women have told other people about it. I should be posting in the extra small section of the forum.

If I was ever going to "accept and love myself" regardless of what partners think or say, I would of done it years ago. Now at 60 it is too late and still too much of a mountain to climb. I just cannot accept that there is any way of living with this without having to accept shame and humiliation from others.

SPH is not for me.

I understand how hard it is to deal with  the negative comments.  Yes it is difficult to "accept and love yourself" in the face of being bullied or teased.  There ARE a lot of guys on here who feel their 5.5 inches is too small when that is in fact average.  BUt then there are those of us in the "under 4" category who have too deal with the way people react   to seeing a truly small penis.  Like you said for those of us in that category the problem "is not in my head".. How do we cope with our self perception when being hazed, or teased, or depantsed.  The communication is clear that we are being deemed inferior.  Once again, what I can say is that I need to control who I let into my inner circle.  My shame is only something they are telling me to feel.

[NuderThanNude]

1 hour ago, Wookieboy said:

How do we cope with our self perception when being hazed, or teased, or depantsed.  The communication is clear that we are being deemed inferior.  Once again, what I can say is that I need to control who I let into my inner circle.  My shame is only something they are telling me to feel.

By shouting as loud as you can "I don't give a damn what you think". And meaning it!

[canuck45]

8 hours ago, Wookieboy said:

Once again, what I can say is that I need to control who I let into my inner circle.  My shame is only something they are telling me to feel.

[canuck45]

6 hours ago, NuderThanNude said:

By shouting as loud as you can "I don't give a damn what you think". And meaning it!

Working with alcoholics in recovery I would ask them,
"Do you want to know what I think about your recovery"
Of course they say "YES"
I answer "It is none of your business what I think" and they would look shocked.
I would say,
"If I say you are doing great", you might get conceited, think to highly of your success, get too comfortable and stop doing what you need to do"
"If I say you are doing terrible, you will fret and worry, get disappointed and worry more about what I think than doing what you need to do"

So the real question is "How do you think you are doing?"
Invariable they would say something along the lines: "I am doing OK, have some struggles but things are better than they were, haven't had a drink in (1 week, 1 month, 3months....."
And I would say "Good job, keep doing what you are doing, it seems to be working"
And you could see the realization, i AM ok, i AM all right, i AM progressing
================
A. "Do you think my penis is too small?"
B.  "What do you think"
A. "Well I have sex, there are some things I can't do, others work fine, other people seem to be satisfied.  It could be larger I suppose but hey, it works"

Edited January 3, 2024 by canuck45

[Caleb LoShem]

nice, dive, I think BOTH  of you guys are bigger than me. I am still married to wife 2, 31 yrs now,  wife 1 did NOT  cut me loose because I was small.  Most of this, really, is an emotional problem in your head. You can be happy if you choose to be. I'm small, usually just over 3 & 1/2 inches erect. I LOVE BEING SMALL ! No SPH in our house, we practice small penis encouragement.  I ALWAYS  finger my Mrs to climax before I even think about insertion. While I am thrusting, I ask her if I am her smallest. She says, 'yes Dear, you are BY FAR the smallest !'  I absolutely LOVE being her smallest. If I were able to snap my fingers and add an inch or two, I would choose NOT to do so. Yes, I really am that happy. I think you fellows need to meet some different women. they aren't ALL  size queens.

 Calev LoShem

[SloStroker]

14 hours ago, Caleb LoShem said:

I absolutely LOVE being her smallest. If I were able to snap my fingers and add an inch or two, I would choose NOT to do so. Yes, I really am that happy. 

Same here. I'd actually enjoy being smaller as I am 4.75" and some say that I'm close enough to average. Once I got past the embarrassment and shame I had when I was younger, I have enjoyed having a small penis. When other guys brag about how big they are I love to tell them how small I am. Just the other day some of my band mates and I were having a conversation about sex and it morphed into how big everyone was. Guys were saying 7", 6", etc. I said "less than 5 inches". They all laughed and thought I was joking. Then they realized I was serious. One guy apologized for laughing. I told him not to. It is funny. I'm this big 6'5" 240lb hulking man with a penis that looks like a 12yo boys. That's funny! I ended up showing them a picture of it and they all got a good laugh. 

The interesting thing is, it spurred a conversation about small penises and my experiences with sexual partners....which has mostly been positive. When I was packing up, one of the guys approached me and said, "Dude, I lied man, I am small too". That's one of the big reason I love talking about and showing off my small penis. It gives other smaller endowed men a chance to talk about theirs too. 

There is still a pervasive myth that you aren't a "real man" if you don't have a big dick. That you can't be a skilled lover if you don't have a big dick. All of that is absolutely false. I like to remind people, if you think you need a big dick to attract a woman, just ask a lesbian. There are toys, techniques, and other things that you can use during sex. You don't need a penis at all. I can't tell you how many women I have brought to orgasm with my fingers and they are all smaller than my penis. 

Edited January 4, 2024 by SloStroker

[allenw]

@Caleb LoShem@SloStrokerand others here. You guys are awesome. I wish I could say so. I was married 21yrs, and fussed a little but was ok. After divorce I feel so juvinile about woman and sex. I worry about finding someone that size matters to. I'm envious of the guys that are larger because they (some) boast because they're larger. Woman my age have been hearing this. I need to cope so I don't mess up. I can tell myself this, yet in reality it will began to rub wrong in my head until I have no choice but to talk so I can quit thinking.

[like.small0609]

On 1/2/2024 at 1:27 PM, divedud said:

The size issue is not in my head. Multiple women have said I am small and multiple women have told other people about it. I should be posting in the extra small section of the forum.

I agree it’s not in your head. Seems like you are so small that it’s hard to please the women you’ve been with with just your penis. But why would that stop you from also using fellatio, vibrators, etc? Most women need that stuff to climax anyway 

[canuck45]

On 1/4/2024 at 2:28 PM, allenw said:

I worry about finding someone that size matters to

You can worry and fret over it and remain inactive.  Or you can go out and meet people.  Wait until it gets intimate...if it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't.
Worrying what MIGHT BE (wants a larger dick) accomplishes nothing but give you wrinkles.
You MIGHT meet a woman (OMG NO) that says:  "Oh thank god, you're not one of those big dicked assholes that think their cock is mankind's gift to women"

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.