Coping Strategies

[divedud]

@like.small0609 I can't get over the shame of it. As soon as they touch it or see it, they know I'm small. Then there's the fear that they would then tell other people. At 60 and not really finding elderly women attractive, I don't think engaging in a sexual relationship is worth the risk involved.

[Appreciater]

@divedud ...

Being realistic,... What are the chances you would pair up with a 30 year old lady.? ... (even if you had a bigger dick) .... Most likely, any woman who would have similar interests and attraction to you would be through menopause, and slowed down on Rampant sexual interests.  I'm not saying Dead perhaps, but most likely not her number one goal. A caring companionship falls more into play. 

[divedud]

@Appreciater

No, its just not me. I've been alone now for 25yrs. I'm not going to change now. For me there is no up side to a relationship physical or not.

I cannot be happy as a man with a small penis. Whenever I try to be positive about the thing I just sound like I'm conning myself. This is why therapy don't work. You can con yourself to a degree, but as soon as you share your tiny cock with a women, she knows you are tiny. What's the point

[canuck45]

38 minutes ago, divedud said:

You can con yourself to a degree, but as soon as you share your tiny cock with a women, she knows you are tiny. What's the point

But you said you are NOT looking for a sexual relationship.  No sex, penis size is irrelevant to companionship.
Therapy doesn't work, reminds me of an AA saying...AA doesn't work if you don't work the program.

[like.small0609]

1 hour ago, divedud said:

@Appreciater

No, its just not me. I've been alone now for 25yrs. I'm not going to change now. For me there is no up side to a relationship physical or not.

 

How small even are you?

[Wookieboy]

On 1/13/2024 at 12:58 PM, canuck45 said:

You can worry and fret over it and remain inactive.  Or you can go out and meet people.  Wait until it gets intimate...if it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't.
Worrying what MIGHT BE (wants a larger dick) accomplishes nothing but give you wrinkles.
You MIGHT meet a woman (OMG NO) that says:  "Oh thank god, you're not one of those big dicked assholes that think their cock is mankind's gift to women"

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

This was well said.   People do have particular characteristics that make them attracted to you--eye color, nose, etc.   Today with the on line communications you can easily disclose penis size to a potential partner so there are no surprises. That WILL make a difference to some people, but there are also fans of small dicks online too. Go to some of those fan sites and meet new people in your area.

[Chodester]

On 1/4/2024 at 9:17 AM, SloStroker said:

Same here. I'd actually enjoy being smaller as I am 4.75" and some say that I'm close enough to average. Once I got past the embarrassment and shame I had when I was younger, I have enjoyed having a small penis. When other guys brag about how big they are I love to tell them how small I am. Just the other day some of my band mates and I were having a conversation about sex and it morphed into how big everyone was. Guys were saying 7", 6", etc. I said "less than 5 inches". They all laughed and thought I was joking. Then they realized I was serious. One guy apologized for laughing. I told him not to. It is funny. I'm this big 6'5" 240lb hulking man with a penis that looks like a 12yo boys. That's funny! I ended up showing them a picture of it and they all got a good laugh. 

The interesting thing is, it spurred a conversation about small penises and my experiences with sexual partners....which has mostly been positive. When I was packing up, one of the guys approached me and said, "Dude, I lied man, I am small too". That's one of the big reason I love talking about and showing off my small penis. It gives other smaller endowed men a chance to talk about theirs too. 

There is still a pervasive myth that you aren't a "real man" if you don't have a big dick. That you can't be a skilled lover if you don't have a big dick. All of that is absolutely false. I like to remind people, if you think you need a big dick to attract a woman, just ask a lesbian. There are toys, techniques, and other things that you can use during sex. You don't need a penis at all. I can't tell you how many women I have brought to orgasm with my fingers and they are all smaller than my penis. 

Hey man, thanks for this. I really want to explore humor for coping. I’ve even attempted it.

Boy was it rough!! People went from laughing with me to laughing at me. It essentially reinforced my fears. Those people no longer respect me. 

Showing a picture AND they all laugh at it?? Hell no. I would pass out lol.

[Guest]

In terms of coping sexually, as recently as last week, I made it a purpose to give myself permission to enjoy masturbation whenever the slightest urge hit me. I masturbated about 7 times in 4 days. I didn’t deny myself the rush of little penis fantasies and self talk. I came extremely hard each time. Has anyone else formed a bond with self pleasure? I’m beginning to wonder if I just became a solosexual?

[Appreciater]

@ShorterThan4.5 ......

"Love thy neighbor as thyself"... 👍 ....  A person has to be able to love themselves and enjoy themselves, before they are capable of truly loving or enjoying anyone else.  .. I think being able to enjoy oneself, is Paramount.  ..👍.

Being able to enjoy playing one's own instrument well, is the key to being able to play your instrument well in an orchestra.  👍

Edited April 6 by Appreciater

[Guest]

@Appreciater
Yes indeed, well said. And I can play a symphony on my little 4 inch instrument. I’m sure you can play equally well on your big 7”. 
 

[old n hard]

@ShorterThan4.5   I've been solosexual for more years than I care to remember.  Spousal Unit closed her legs ages ago.  Cumming inside a moist and warm pussy is the ultimate orgasm.  Never failed to make my eyes tear and my nose run. If I can't have Dom Perignon I'll take dry white wine.  

[Guest]

@old n hard I noticed you are 7.5” long. I’m sure your wife enjoyed your size. 

[6INCHES66]

13 hours ago, old n hard said:

@ShorterThan4.5   I've been solosexual for more years than I care to remember.  Spousal Unit closed her legs ages ago.  Cumming inside a moist and warm pussy is the ultimate orgasm.  Never failed to make my eyes tear and my nose run. If I can't have Dom Perignon I'll take dry white wine.  

This has been my sex life for almost 21 years.

[divedud]

Been a recluse for around 25 years and no sex apart from masturbation. Just went on a dating site looking at 60 year old women. I can't see myself ever having the courage to show a woman this poxy thing again. Just waiting to die really. My mothers 89 now so not long, maybe another 3 to 5  years and I can go then.

[Appreciater]

@divedud ....

I'm widowed for five years as of next month., a marriage of 32 years to a dear loving lady.  .. I have no intention nor interest in finding another woman. ... Life is different now, but I want nothing to do with a "replacement".

Life goes on, and we accept it at it's face value for the day.  ..  

I hate to sound callus, but with your situation..your esteem would most likely have been better off today, if your dear mother had passed 10 or 20 years ago.  😐

Edited April 15 by Appreciater

[divedud]

I would of then of killed myself 10 or 20 years ago. I look back at a miserable lonely life. In the present I only experience the same, and looking forward ,I see just more misery. The only cure for me is death. Don't mind me I only visit this site when really miserable.

[Appreciater]

@divedud ....

I'm sorry. ... The only thing I can think to tell you is, you most definitely need ongoing counseling. .. not just a few sessions... But regular and continuous counseling. ... Find a psychologist, psychiatrist, clergy person, or someone with whom you can talk on a regular basis.  And stick with it. ... Such a problem as yours, can't find any resolve without seeking help and staying with counseling for an undetermined amount of time.  ... Don't wait, get counseling.

[canuck45]

When you are feeling this way, keep coming back here to start with.   
We aren't professionals but as @Appreciater says we will encourage you to get the help you need. It is NEVER TOO LATE.

Life is more than sex.  Yes it is important to some, I went 20 years (18-38) celebate because of how I felt about my small (in my mind) dick, I missed opportunites because of the negativity I had heard.   
Measurection was enough for me to change my mindset, and learn a big dick isn't the be all, end all; but others need more help.
Don't give up on life.

[NuderThanNude]

@divedud - It's pretty obvious your issues go beyond sex. Seek professional help, listen and follow the advice you are given.

[divedud]

I've tried counselling over the last 3 years or so totaling around 20 hours with 3 different people. 

When you have a small penis and go for counselling you become the fool. Just like "The Emperors new clothes" you can talk yourself into believing  a 4.5" penis is OK and that you can get and maintain an erection.  But the reality is, the moment you share it with someone else, all that counselling means shit. You cannot control their thoughts or feelings. You can only choose to ignore them and live happily in your ignorance.

Talking to a therapist about my penis is a waste of time and its too late for any meaningful change. I'm 61 ffs what sex could I possibly have with an old woman anyway? It's too late, I'm not giving anything up now.

The misery started with a small penis and it has lead me to the point where I only see the past present and future as miserable with nothing I want or need to live for. Forgetting my penis, the counselor's have suggested I "go for a walk" meditate and read up about compassion and acceptance. None have had a decent answer to counteract the "new clothes" side of the argument.

I I envy you Americans who can just sit in front of the TV, put down their glass, pick up a gun and shoot themselves in the head.

 

 

[canuck45]

2 hours ago, divedud said:

you can talk yourself into believing  a 4.5" penis is OK

So all the guys with a 4.5" or less penis and OK with it are lying to themselves or delusional?
Envious of suicidal people? 
More therapy and it isn't about your penis at all, something much deeper. 
20 hrs over 3 years of therapy and it doesn't work??????  6 hrs a year ! ! !

In my support groups, we have people that say things like: 
"You don't understand"
"I am different"
"That won't work for me."
"My problems aren't like yours"

The "I AM UNIQUE" syndrome.
We say "Terminally" Unique. 
So focused on "me, me,me", the differences, how nothing will work (for me); forgetting to focus on solutions and giving it time to work.

ME: a year of 4+ hrs a week (208+hrs, one on one, group) before I even began to understand my REAL problem and then work on it.
It took me 20 years to get to my dark place, so I figured if it takes me 20 years to undo the damage, that's OK

Today (32 years 61 days 8 hrs since I started my journey, but who's counting) I still check in from time to time, to keep on track and show others things CAN change; if we are determined to do what is necessary and not on what I want (and I want it NOW dammit).

My journey, my experience; along with 100s of others I personally know. (millions in the world?)
And a dozen that gave up and are  no longer with us; lived in the problem and not the solution.
They didn't do what needed to be done.

Edited April 22 by canuck45

[Tic-Tac]

I just remind myself that different people have different tastes that turn theme on. Someone not liking my size is like someone not liking redhead or brown eyes.  The fact I am not those things doesn't make me bad, it just means I'm not the best partner to that person.

[divedud]

Thanks for the replys:)

I do think happy 4.5" guys are delusional, its one of the reasons I don't visit this site much. Its a bit happy clappy for me.

I'll own up to the "me, me, me" syndrome, and I do get angry with myself for doing it. Perhaps if the internet was around 40 years ago along with getting into therapy at that time, I could of done the work and lived a different life, but I didn't find it and life was how it was.

"But" (and here we go again:) The mountains to high to climb, the risk vs reward too high. The truth is I gave up and wallowed, and I'm in no position to change it even if I wanted to. I genuinely don't believe therapy can work to change a physical condition. Even if I did, I don't have the time left. Would I end up being happy or delusional at the end of it?

My mind is made up. My solution is suicide and yes, I do envy gun owners. I've got to leave the house, break into a tall building, drink myself silly then jump.

[JohnS1960]

 

14 minutes ago, divedud said:

I genuinely don't believe therapy can work to change a physical condition.

No but it can change the psycological mindset.
And it is NEVER too late.
And you are in whatever position you choose to be.
The delusion is you need a big penis.

Ah yes, BUT, the great verbal eraser.... 
I agree, yes what you say is true, blah blah.....BUT, now I will gell you why I don't agree and what you say is not true.