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Hello, new member here! Been reading for some time, but I have a question I haven't found an answer to while browsing.

I spent most of my younger years terribly worried that I was way too small. I suspect that was because the guys I did see naked were the bigger ones who weren't ashamed to show their stuff, and I suspect that porn didn't help either.

Soft I am about 3 inches long and about 4 inches around, hard I am about 5 inches long and about 4 1/12 inches around. I;learned later that this is not tiny at all, just a little bit below average, but I always assumed I was minuscule. There were fellows that strutted around the locker room with these baseball bats, and I was intimidated. I saw a guy once like me, a story for another time, and he seemed embarrassed too. 

A part of me has learned to accept who I am and what I have, and yet I still feel insecure, all those years later. Why is it still stuck in my  head? 

What prompted me to write this was a recent experience where my wife and I went skinny dipping with another couple. At first I thought nothing of it, but when he pulled his shorts off I was shocked. Easily longer soft than my hard length, and far thicker. I hesitated stripping myself, but there was really nothing I could do except follow along. I felt completely inadequate. 

I asked my wife about it later that night, and she just shrugged. "Sure, some guys have bigger ones, and some guys have smaller ones. Did you notice she had small breasts and I have big ones? I don't think she cared."

She has never complained about my size, and yet I still feel under endowed. After all these years, I still worry that her old boyfriend, hung like a horse, pleased her more, even though she says it was uncomfortable. 

What is doing that to me? 

Thanks for any advice!

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It's easy to get caught up in the comparison game, sometimes you see a big cock and think "wish I was hung like that". The reality is you have what you have, so all power to you for joining in skinny dipping, its not always easy to do.

I've seen many swinging dicks over the years, but when I think about it objectively, they are very much a tiny minority. Most are like myself, small and shriveled, some slightly larger, some slightly smaller. 

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12 hours ago, jimjimks said:

I asked my wife about it later that night, and she just shrugged. "Sure, some guys have bigger ones, and some guys have smaller ones. Did you notice she had small breasts and I have big ones? I don't think she cared."

@jimjimks

Your wife summed it up nicely.....she didn't care about the differences, but many men are obsessed by their size.
BTW did you go, "WOW, she has small breasts" or didn't really care about her breast size......

Realize penises like other body parts come in a variety of shapes and sizes... knowledge and acceptance the first steps in progress.

"Why do I still feel small?"
The logical brain knows the truth, in the average range.
The emotional brain hasn't accepted yet.

I alway think:  There is "saying" something is true, there is "believing" something is true and then there is "accepting" something is true.

 

Edited by canuck45
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On 10/31/2020 at 4:37 AM, jimjimks said:

Hello, new member here! Been reading for some time, but I have a question I haven't found an answer to while browsing.

I spent most of my younger years terribly worried that I was way too small. I suspect that was because the guys I did see naked were the bigger ones who weren't ashamed to show their stuff, and I suspect that porn didn't help either.

Soft I am about 3 inches long and about 4 inches around, hard I am about 5 inches long and about 4 1/12 inches around. I;learned later that this is not tiny at all, just a little bit below average, but I always assumed I was minuscule. There were fellows that strutted around the locker room with these baseball bats, and I was intimidated. I saw a guy once like me, a story for another time, and he seemed embarrassed too. 

A part of me has learned to accept who I am and what I have, and yet I still feel insecure, all those years later. Why is it still stuck in my  head? 

What prompted me to write this was a recent experience where my wife and I went skinny dipping with another couple. At first I thought nothing of it, but when he pulled his shorts off I was shocked. Easily longer soft than my hard length, and far thicker. I hesitated stripping myself, but there was really nothing I could do except follow along. I felt completely inadequate. 

I asked my wife about it later that night, and she just shrugged. "Sure, some guys have bigger ones, and some guys have smaller ones. Did you notice she had small breasts and I have big ones? I don't think she cared."

She has never complained about my size, and yet I still feel under endowed. After all these years, I still worry that her old boyfriend, hung like a horse, pleased her more, even though she says it was uncomfortable. 

What is doing that to me? 

Thanks for any advice!

Bro, your penis doesn't mean you cant get women, or out fuck guys like me, the vagina and how it is built are different then most people think. Look up big herc on youtube then get a look at his porn vids, hes below six inches. A long time ago when I was overweight I had a penis about your size, but then I lost alot of weight and im at where I am now, not even my bone pressed length showed this ....it makes you wonder.... but yeah how your self perception changes over time is not always uniform...and with penis size its stressful.

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20 hours ago, canuck45 said:

@jimjimks

Your wife summed it up nicely.....she didn't care about the differences, but many men are obsessed by their size.
BTW did you go, "WOW, she has small breasts" or didn't really care about her breast size......

Realize penises like other body parts come in a variety of shapes and sizes... knowledge and acceptance the first steps in progress.

"Why do I still feel small?"
The logical brain knows the truth, in the average range.
The emotional brain hasn't accepted yet.

I alway think:  There is "saying" something is true, there is "believing" something is true and then there is "accepting" something is true.

 

The pleasure they get from "size" is mostly mental and not what we think it is....its all about image.

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9 hours ago, RAized said:

The pleasure they get from "size" is mostly mental and not what we think it is....its all about image.

I guess you are talking about the pleasure some women get from having a man with a large penis size?  Isn't that part of the problem?  No fun not having that sexual image or sexual status women often enjoy?

Always confused me that women often claim they don't want to be "objectified" while they spend a lot of time acquiring an artificial "sexual image" through make-up, hair style and clothes.

I'd like to be treated like a "sex object" for once.  Like those hung guys at male strip shows where women fawn over their cocks.

Edited by lloydbaker
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21 hours ago, lloydbaker said:

I guess you are talking about the pleasure some women get from having a man with a large penis size?  Isn't that part of the problem?  No fun not having that sexual image or sexual status women often enjoy?

Always confused me that women often claim they don't want to be "objectified" while they spend a lot of time acquiring an artificial "sexual image" through make-up, hair style and clothes.

I'd like to be treated like a "sex object" for once.  Like those hung guys at male strip shows where women fawn over their cocks.

I said that "mostly" its from the visual aspect, there are physical differences sure. But women are so psychological when it comes to this that there are more factors there than just the "size".

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5 hours ago, RAized said:

"mostly" its from the visual aspect,

And the visual aspect depends so much on perception....
5" penis on someone 5'4" or someone 6'4" would look entirely different.
Gay videos Dr Wolf and his twinks.  He is 6'2 or so, well endowed, his partners are twinks maybe 5'2". 
His penis looks even larger, but then the twinks body (butt) is about as wide as the "dr" thigh....perspective.

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9 hours ago, canuck45 said:

And the visual aspect depends so much on perception....
5" penis on someone 5'4" or someone 6'4" would look entirely different.
Gay videos Dr Wolf and his twinks.  He is 6'2 or so, well endowed, his partners are twinks maybe 5'2". 
His penis looks even larger, but then the twinks body (butt) is about as wide as the "dr" thigh....perspective.

Yes, there are a lot of those "bear " videos with buff dudes white or black banging girls...and they show a reality of regular men...about 5 inches in length, these guys doing this feel ZERO shame, look up big herc, he's black, about 5-5.5 inches, all the other dudes like him are the same. Its all psychological with women.

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15 hours ago, RAized said:

I said that "mostly" its from the visual aspect, there are physical differences sure. But women are so psychological when it comes to this that there are more factors there than just the "size".

Yeah, I understood what you said. 

I'm just surprised you are saying women tend to be so visually oriented when it comes to penis size.  Unfortunately, your observations do jibe with my memories of women rather eagerly expressing themselves regarding large powerful looking ones in various circumstances.

Normally, it is said men are the visual ones and, of course, they are very visually oriented.  They are attracted to the face, figure, breasts, legs on and on.  But, maybe the finding of MORE visually oriented is incorrect.  Females spend way too much time primping not to be visually oriented.

Edited by lloydbaker
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26 minutes ago, RAized said:

Yes, there are a lot of those "bear " videos with buff dudes white or black banging girls...and they show a reality of regular men.

Maybe I don't get your definition of "bear" since you seem to equate it with "buff."  True enough.  I've never watched a video label "bear."

If you look like a bear, you might be strong like a bear.  Buff usually means you are lean or trim with will defined muscles.

Edited by lloydbaker
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10 hours ago, canuck45 said:

And the visual aspect depends so much on perception....
5" penis on someone 5'4" or someone 6'4" would look entirely different.
Gay videos Dr Wolf and his twinks.  He is 6'2 or so, well endowed, his partners are twinks maybe 5'2". 
His penis looks even larger, but then the twinks body (butt) is about as wide as the "dr" thigh....perspective.

I LOVE Dr. Wolf and his twinks!

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11 hours ago, lloydbaker said:

Maybe I don't get your definition of "bear" since you seem to equate it with "buff."

A strange definition, indeed.  The Urban Dictionary defines a Bear as "a term used by gay men to describe a husky, large man with a lot of body hair."  And one of the definitions at Dictionary.com is "Slang: A hairy, stocky gay man."

Alan G

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On 10/31/2020 at 11:21 AM, shooter said:

Your brain. You need a different mindset - and hapyy with what you have - a fully functional, pleasure giver penis.

I agree with this but am another person stuck with an obsessive mindset. I've got to the point where I'd like to change it. Anyone got recommendations for how? I know there's 30 plus years of CBT and related stuff, but I'm a bit concerned about investing in something that I don't know will work. Suggestions welcome, apologies for stealing the thread but they should also apply to the OP.

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Bear, (older 40+)larger body, hairy looks like a bear.
Cub, younger larger guy with body hair
Otter,  trim guy with body hair
Twink <25 younger trim guy smooth.
Daddy 15+yrs on the other partner
 

18 hours ago, RodEnuf said:

A strange definition, indeed.  The Urban Dictionary defines a Bear as "a term used by gay men to describe a husky, large man with a lot of body hair."  And one of the definitions at Dictionary.com is "Slang: A hairy, stocky gay man."

Alan G

 

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3 hours ago, canuck45 said:

Bear, (older 40+)larger body, hairy looks like a bear.
Cub, younger larger guy with body hair
Otter,  trim guy with body hair
Twink <25 younger trim guy smooth.
Daddy 15+yrs on the other partner
 

 

I guess pornhub gets the classifications wrong lol

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4 hours ago, RAized said:

I guess pornhub gets the classifications wrong lol

Well often its the people submitting that classifies them, wrongly

And I swear people don't know terms and still post.
Hookup sites, guy says he is a TOP, looking for cock to suck and possible get fucked if right person.
That is not a top.....

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On 10/31/2020 at 5:37 AM, jimjimks said:

I asked my wife about it later that night, and she just shrugged. "Sure, some guys have bigger ones, and some guys have smaller ones. Did you notice she had small breasts and I have big ones? I don't think she cared."

She has never complained about my size, and yet I still feel under endowed. After all these years, I still worry that her old boyfriend, hung like a horse, pleased her more, even though she says it was uncomfortable. 

What is doing that to me? 

Thanks for any advice!

Clearly women are very concerned about their breast size, shape and firmness.  Otherwise there wouldn't be a vast breast augmentation industry.  Most likely the small breasted woman at the nude swim DID CARE, but had learned not to obsess about it or, at least, not to show it.  Generally, women are concerned about their looks past what would seem to be rational and healthy.  Maybe she was dying to get a boob job.

Since women are subject to a looks derby and have learned to stand-up to it, they have little patience for men who have so much trouble with it.  Basically, she's probably telling you just to man-up, is my guess.  Perhaps she thinks you should be able to accept where you stand in the cock "looks" department just like women with small breasts must.  Also, she knows you aren't all that small, just average.  That the small breast woman "didn't care" is not to be taken literally, necessarily.  You probably aren't the MOST handsome man in the world with best MUSCLES either.

Clearly, she doesn't value big cocks all that much as far as sex goes for whatever reason:  She might orgasm just fine with smaller ones.  She might have found big cock guys to arrogant or inconsiderate, causing discomfort or pain.  Or maybe her physiology didn't mesh well with big cocks.  She might think big cocks are attractive and appreciate them, but consider them a minor life issue or she might have no "looks" reaction.  Or, she might like the psychological dynamics with a low status guy.  She may or may not have made any of this explicit.  I found women generally aren't explicit and let the guy "think what they want." 

If she really wanted a big cock partner, she wouldn't be married to you.

 

Edited by lloydbaker
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Another thought I have is that men get used to living with obvious characteristics that reflect on their status:   looks, height, weight, muscles, intelligence, manners, drive, skills, etc.

The penis on the other hand is usually hidden and only exposed in special circumstances such as sex, nude swimming, locker rooms, peeing in the woods with peers, etc.  

For a man proud or at least adjusted to this public persona, it can be quite a shock to suddenly  be at the low end of the totem pole because of his less than impressive dick.  AND, you can't do anything about it beyond trying show you are strong and refuse to let your penis define you. 

I always had a big problem with that, especially when my puberty failed to materialize for about 4 years while everyone else's surged ahead.  I was "coming into my own" at 12 only to fall to the end of the line genitally at 12 and stay there until about 16 or 17, pretty mentally damaged by then.

Edited by lloydbaker
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6 hours ago, lloydbaker said:

Clearly women are very concerned about their breast size, shape and firmness.  Otherwise there wouldn't be a vast breast augmentation industry.  Most likely the small breasted woman at the nude swim DID CARE, but had learned not to obsess about it or, at least, not to show it.  Generally, women are concerned about their looks past what would seem to be rational and healthy.  Maybe she was dying to get a boob job.

Since women are subject to a looks derby and have learned to stand-up to it, they have little patience for men who have so much trouble with it.  Basically, she's probably telling you just to man-up, is my guess.  Perhaps she thinks you should be able to accept where you stand in the cock "looks" department just like women with small breasts must.  Also, she knows you aren't all that small, just average.  That the small breast woman "didn't care" is not to be taken literally, necessarily.  You probably aren't the MOST handsome man in the world with best MUSCLES either.

Clearly, she doesn't value big cocks all that much as far as sex goes for whatever reason:  She might orgasm just fine with smaller ones.  She might have found big cock guys to arrogant or inconsiderate, causing discomfort or pain.  Or maybe her physiology didn't mesh well with big cocks.  She might think big cocks are attractive and appreciate them, but consider them a minor life issue or she might have no "looks" reaction.  Or, she might like the psychological dynamics with a low status guy.  She may or may not have made any of this explicit.  I found women generally aren't explicit and let the guy "think what they want." 

If she really wanted a big cock partner, she wouldn't be married to you.

 

Good post, she likes you , and you know what that's worth a hell of a lot! 

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